Since my grandmother died (December 2004), my mother has taken over my grandfather’s bills and budgeting, since he never did it himself and had no idea where to start. Well, since my grandfather spends a lot of time at my mother’s house, her bills have gone up – higher electric bill, higher water bill, higher television bill (ordering movies), and of course, a higher grocery bill. So she started using his money to supplement her increased expenses.
Well, one thing led to another, and she wound up maxing his credit card out and then some.
I’m not writing about any of this to cast judgments on her. I’m writing this because I want to clarify that it is my mother who has caused the problem with his credit card. Yet the first accusations out of his mouth (to her and to our pastor, not to me directly) were about me. Somehow I got a hold of his credit card and maxed it out. First of all, I don’t have access to his credit card. And second, even if I did, I would never do that. You know why? Because decent people don’t do that kind of crap to one another.
My gripe is that any time something has gone wrong with my mother or him financially, I am automatically assumed guilty. UGH.
He even accused me (again, indirectly, because God forbid he ever say anything to my face) of using his money to pay the down payment on our house. Um, no. The down payment came from us, friends online and Daniel’s aunt/inheritance (from his grandmother).
And my mom wants me to “help” her fix the mess with the credit card. Help by calling up and impersonating my grandfather to get her added on as an authorized user, “help” by getting the credit limit increased (so that the overage charges don’t keep piling up), “help” by sharing the blame. No, no, no.
Just like she wanted me to “help” her fix another mess… and then turned right around and blabbed my name to anyone and everyone when the shit hit the fan (for her).
Just… grrr. Grr, grr, grr.
Man, screw that. Tell her to fuck off and fix her own problems. She got herself into the mess, she can get herself out.
Some people just seem to have SO much trouble assuming responsibility.
Sometimes when I have bought a little something for myself that I feel happy about a friend or family will say – oh but it’s your husband paying isn’t it? That pisses me off – I work from home – during my maternity leave – and just because they don’t consider anything done on computers real work I am obviously not making any – even that I have tried explaining. Sorry you got me started here.
I hope your family issued eventually will be solved! Usually there is a 5 years span on death stirring the family peace I have read – but still I hope it for your sake.
Thank you a lot for the PPP advices. I hope I can make it up to you sometime.
Jenn I feel you. I’ve been complaining about my mom for a while now. I just told my grandmother that being around my mom was like mothering a small child. It’s ridiculous. I cannot however even fathom the idea of your mom wanting you to help her fix the mess. Don’t bail her out let her get out of her own mess.
And as for your grandfather, two things. First, he probably wishes it were you so he would not have to think low of his own daughter so it’s probably his way of just trying to mask it. Secondly, just like older people I know they always have one younger member of the family that must be the downfall of all creation even if they were no where near the scene when it happened!
I would talk to your grandfather about speaking to a lawyer …. If it is such a problem to him. Once the lawyer start getting involved the truth will come out and your grandfathers money will be used properly, and perhaps with help from credit people could be lowered due to the fact that his cards were “unauthorized use”
This msg will prob be deleted but ill say it anyway.
I was told about this post and well as usual i need to stick my 2 cents in( does anyone really expect anything different from TGO?) anyway. I never thought the day would come where i said you did the right thing.
You should NOT help your mother bail herself out of this one, she dug the hole let her fill it in. Old school parents seem to have this misconception that we as their children “owe” them because they raised us. umm no we didn’t ask to be born nor were we subjected to life as their personal soldiers my folks tried that when i was a teen and i shoved it back in their face. Anyway if you help her you will be no better than she is and technically an accessory after the fact as much as you you feel you should help DONT she’s an adult she knew the consequence and now she’s gotta fix it.
As for your grandfather, it seems that old folks like to blame all their issues on the youth of today he probably doesn’t even know what he’s saying. ignore it he has no proof.
Thats such crap. I would go directly to my grandfather and put him in his place, then tell my Mom to get herself out of her hole she dug for herself. Thats ridiculous.