Becca’s entry regarding feelings on having more children got me thinking about our own decisions and feelings on them.
Until I was about seventeen, I swore off children. Me? With kids? Yeah right! Worrying about one person was quite enough, thank you very much. And I had my fill of bottles and diapers and temper tantrums and toys with my brothers (thirteen and eleven years younger than me), and would definitely be the last person on earth to consider having to deal with that crap again.
Then, I tell you internet, it was like a switch was flipped. Suddenly the idea of a screaming, smelly, gooey little bundle that would guarantee sleepless nights and an empty wallet sounded strangely appealing. Baby urges hit with full force. Of course, while my uterus was ticking away at me, I managed to put the thoughts of a baby on the back burner. Me? A mother at seventeen? Eighteen? Nineteen? No way!
I was a few months shy of twenty when I got pregnant with Alyssa. Whoops! I made it past the stigma of being a teen mother by the skin of my teeth, and thought we were done with children then. After all, how could I possibly want one more than one? It would be fantastic with just one mouth to feed, one butt to diaper, one kid to take care of and lavish attention and money on. We were done. Capital D done.
Until the baby urges started up again, right around when Alyssa turned nine months old. Dan and I really talked and talked and talked about it, and ultimately decided that we would love to have a second child. We decided to start trying in the winter of 2006, so that by the time our second child was born Alyssa would be at least two, if not two and a half or even three.
I was pregnant a few days after Alyssa’s first birthday.
From the moment I knew I was pregnant, Dan and I decided that was it. Two children were plenty for us! We discussed birth control, and decided that since we were capital D done, why not really make sure we wouldn’t have an “oops” (while we are pro-choice we could never go through an abortion ourselves, and adoption is a very iffy subject for us, as we couldn’t really imagine having a baby and then giving it up) and get the necessary things clipped and/or snipped?
I brought up the subject of a tubal ligation at my very first OB appointment. Good thing I did, since I spent the next few months and appointments talking my OB into agreeing to it. Finally, I signed the paperwork and had the tubal ligation scheduled for immediately after delivery (of course, it wound up being literally right after delivery, since I was cut open).
Ryan is going on eight months now, and I have to admit, I get pangs of “ooh, baby!” whenever I see a pregnant woman or spend too much time lingering in the infant section at Target. I feel sad when I think of how final things are, that we are really and truly done.
But logically, I know that we made the right decision. Forget financially… mentally I do not think we could handle more than two.
And why fix something that isn’t broken? We have two healthy, lovely children. And bonus – we have a boy and a girl! We’ll get to experience the ups and the downs of each gender, and be secure in the knowledge that we have the resources – physical, financial, mental – to care for both adequately, and then some.
I think everytime my mom thinks of having another child, she takes a look at me and my sister being retards/yelling at each other and choses against it xD
Oh the pangs. The pangs are hard on for me right now. I want a kid. And I think Chris is feeling it to. We’ve discussed the number and 2 is what we want. Unless both are the same sex, then its one last shot for the sex we don’t have. But we’re still waiting on idle for our situation to get better before even tyring.
But my god, am I flooded with MUST HAVE BABY urges.
Gosh, I’m a month shy of my 20th and I’m still in the ‘Having a baby is a scary thing!’ state of mind. I think it has something to do with the fact that I can’t seem to keep a stable relationship and I’d HATE to think my children would have a deadbeat absent dad.
You got very lucky with Daniel and even more lucky with Alyssa and Ryan. Ooh, I’m jealous. Hehe.
I have baby urges ALL the time. Then again, I’m 25 and childless, so that’s probably expected.
I have baby urges all the time to, I have three kids and had twins and yet i still cannot kick this urge to want another baby. My husband and I have been trying to have another baby for 2 years and nothing so far, it’s hard but we both feel we can take care of one more child. After that we will be done.
You were nowhere near as close to a teen mom as I was. I turned 20 one month before Cassidy was born. I was on birth control though and it really was like… life really meant for me to have a baby then, so I did.
I don’t regret it at ALL. I loved being a young mom and now that I’m 28 and she’s 8 we are still able to have a lot of fun together. After Ben and I get married we plan on having one more but I’ve set my foot down and told him no later than 30. Like, I don’t want to GET pregnant at 30, I want to HAVE the baby at 30. So, we’ll see how things go. hehe
But the urges are there for me right now for sure.
Uterus: BABIES!
Sara: NO BABIES!
Uterus: BABIEEESS!
Sara: Sex, no babies.
Uterus: Psh, fine.
I will be 21 in July and I don’t really get the urges to have a baby because my life would be really, really scary if that happened. I want to want children, but I just don’t think that will happen for years…
As a teen I was anti baby because of so many teen mothers and their dumb decisions. It was like a trend. They didn’t care if the father was around, all they had to do was get a link card :-/. I also felt like I’d be a dissappointment to the family, well my mother if I was a teenaged mother. I’m having urges which is why I’m pushing myself so hard to be financially independent. I don’t like the idea of going with the flow, not knowing what the future holds which is why I’m drugged up on depo.
I get baby pangs every once and a while, but I know now is not the right time for them, although I also know that if I did have a baby now, it wouldn’t be a giant disaster in terms of my life plans. However, I’ve been having dreams where I’m pregnant over the past couple months, so I have been avoiding sexual relationships with men, just to make sure it doesn’t come true before I’m in a committed relationship. I have decided though, that if I’m 30 and not in a long-term relationship, I’m having a child via other means. I can’t imagine living my life without a baby of my own. You are very lucky to have a boy and a girl, and I’m glad to read that you’re happy with your decisions
P.S. I see A Perfect Circle CD has been played recently! I’m a big fan of Maynard James Keenan :D
I guess those feelings never go away. It drives me nuts sometimes, but I still get that pang too
I should of done that after the 2nd, but didnt because i wanted a boy
Hey, Jenn, I finally got hosting for my new site! I used to be at fallingback.net, btw!
I never thought I would want kids, either. Then all of a sudden I really wanted one and then I was pregnant! I think she’s the only one we want, at least for right now.
I have one child and that is enough for me! If Victoria gets a brother or a sister, it will be a very long time from now. While she was an unplanned pregnancy, I love her dearly but, after what happened between her father and I, I want to make sure I am READY to have a child. I want to plan a pregnancy and be ready for it, and be in the right state of mind. I could go on for ages.
Sometimes I do see little tiny babies and get sad because I miss when Victoria was a baby.
Geoff wants one more, but I can’t even deal with one. I told him if he’s willing to give birth to it, then we can have a second child. It shut him up right away. Maybe when Allan starts school I’ll think about it, but right now it’s a definate no.
And I think I’d want to be on the pill. I can’t see myself getting cut open while I’m awake…
I never really got baby lust before I had Taylor.. and I still don’t, for the most part. I like the idea of one more baby.. but right now I just like the IDEA, not the real thing. haha I don’t know. Maybe my uterus is very soft spoken.
I know what you mean about the pangs. My uterus is panging and my ovaries are aching. I’m only 21. But at the moment…I want five girls. That may change…but right now…I’m dream of five girls.
I think you made the right choice, and you’re right. You and Dan are extremely lucky and extremely fortunate to have Alyssa and Ryan. Like you said, a boy and a girl, both healthy, and I’m sure they both mean the world for you. I know you’ll probably always miss little tiny babies but it’s good that you decided to be smart about it. That’s really respectable.