Watching in disbelief as women on Maury confront their cheating lovers and women at my husband’s place of employment deal with baby daddy drama, I can’t help but feel lucky to have such a wonderful husband, and to feel secure in the knowledge that I have chosen the right kind of man to be a good father. I’m very thankful that my daughter will have her father there for her, in her life always.
Unfortunately, I was not so lucky a daughter. My parents divorced when I was six. My father is mentally ill, and his illnesses and issues came to the forefront about a year after I was born. He became physically and emotionally abusive to both my mother and myself, lost a good paying job, and spiraled downwards. My mother refused to let us be sucked down with him, and so she left him.
I have kept in touch with my father since the divorce. Until I was thirteen and we moved out of Philadelphia, I saw him every two weeks, spoke to him on the phone, and corresponded through the mail. From then on the communication between us dwindled to nothing, but not for lack of trying on my part.
This past January I, along with my mother and my father’s step-mother, went to Philadelphia to see my father and convince him that his current living situation was not suitable. Not only was he unable to truly look after himself, but the people he was living with were not doing it for him. Instead, they were taking advantage of him and taking all of his money. The three of us sat down with him, had a long heart to heart, called the police to file theft charges against the people who stole from him, and had him admitted to a local mental hospital. In February he was transferred to an assisted living home, and is doing quite well.
It’s hard to not have a “real” father figure. Growing up, it was just my mother. My mother’s second husband failed miserably at filling the void, especially since he was so overbearing and control-happy about it. So, I’ve never had much of a father. My dad has been there physically, and is someone to talk to, and, as my mother would put it, to shoot the shit with. But he wasn’t there to kiss scraped knees, or interrogate boyfriends, or cry when he found out his baby girl was getting married, or any of the other things I’ve witnessed and/or heard about in father-daughter relationships.
Someday I hope Alyssa realizes how blessed she is.
Aww Jenn, that’s so sad, but I’m glad to know that you’re doing the best for your family. After reading your post, I realise how blessed I am with mine, through the ups and downs in life as well. Thanks for making me realise this!
I know exactly how you feel. My dad is a drug addict and my parents divorced when I was 6. He has never been there for me. My step-dad is great for my mom and all, but he never really knew how to show affection.
I often wonder if that is why I have the most fucked up relationships with men. I am glad you don’t. SERIOUSLY Daniel sounds like the best husband any girl could ask for. I am truly jealous. He is a keeper. I have thought that many times before you even posted this post.
The last time I saw my father, I was about 5. The last thing I received from him was a gameboy. He lived in a house with “roomates” and one day just disappeared. I wasn’t able to get attached since he’d only see me every blue moon. I feel the same way that you do, although I am not yet married or babied, I know that my children will have a loving father in their lives. Just knowing that makes up for not having a father around.
I take that back, I was 7-ish, not a big difference, meh.
Wow that sounds like it was hard. I can’t imagine growing up without a father figure. I depend on my father for everything and I can’t imagine life without him. It’s so weird how the people who are the luckiest usually appreciate it the least. Your children are very lucky though. I hope everyone is as lucky as myself and Alyssa. They’ve got some amazing parents.
I don’t know which would be worse – growing up without a father or growing up with yours. I’ll tell you, not having a man around to protect you is really hard, even if it’s an old fashioned idea. I never had anyone until I was 11… that’s when my mother married my stepfather. I ended up hating him beyond belief. I think it was because he moved i on my territory… my mother and I had been alone for 11 years… you know? Whatever. Allysa’s a lucky girl.
Heh, my dad totally disappeared when I was 4. I mean WOAH he was gone : P I actually didn’t realize that I wanted a dad until I was 21, I remember I had just had my heart broken again and I thought, ‘I wish I had a man who could put his strong arms around me and tell me that he loved me and I was beautiful and WASN’T trying to sleep with me. … I wish I had a dad.’
I agree with Marie : P I Have a lot of screwed up relationships on my list. I also tend to date older men, quite older. Again, I was 21 before I realized it was probably a result of being without my dad. They see I’m without a father figure and figure they can control me and that I’m seeking that. Yick!
I’ve thought about how wonderful it would be if I DID have a daughter to have chosen a man who would stick around and be there for her. I would probably be jealous, though. That part would suck.
My father was an abusive, sociopathic nutjob whose presence in my lif has been sporadic at best.
I was lucky though. The guy I call my dad has been in my life for as long as I can remember. He taught me how to ride a bike, and flyfish, and always made sure I ate vegetables and went to school. He’s my daddy in every important sense of the word.
I know how that is. I don’t have a father for an entirely different reason. Yea, there was a divorce, but there were other things too. Which I won’t say. And now, no one knows where he is. >.>
But yes, you are blessed to have a good hubby. And I hope it stays that way for a long time for you.
I know what you mean. I think a lot about the fact that I ended up with the perfect person for me. It’s almost a blessing now a days with how much you see that “baby daddy” stuff on television. I can’t imagine having to do all of this on my own. Yay for us!
I know the not having a father around deal. My dad is around but an alcoholic so we see a drunk man, not a father. *sigh*
This is truly one of the most beautiful, soul deep entries you have ever written. Thanks for sharing that much of yourself with your online fans
Off topic but I wanted to wish you luck in the blog for a year contest.
All the best
My mom left when I was 8, I only had one real parent and (in most cases) I was lucky that he did 100% of the best he could. It’s not easy holding down crappy jobs to make sure your children are taken care of, I was lucky enough to have him for that.
My mother on the other hand, to me she’s about as ‘useful’ as your step father.