While trying to fall asleep last night, I laid in bed and concocted a very good blog entry. Unfortunately, this was all done in my head in an attempt to get drowsy, and I fell asleep before I could get up and write it all down. Hopefully I can recall most of it:
In my experience as a breastfeeding mother, I have encountered the most resistance, insults, criticism and overall negative from other women. That’s right. Women. Not men. Women. The same gender that has the same breasts that work the same way as mine.
See, most men don’t care about breastfeeding. If a man notices a mother breastfeeding her baby, the most he might do is sneak a peek at the woman’s exposed breast, and maybe nudge his friends. Then it’s back to talking about sports or discussing video games or plotting the next Jackass move, or whatever else it is that guys do when they’re together.
But women? Women are catty, nosy, judgmental bitches. They’re nothing more than vultures decked out in nail polish and jewelry, looking for their next prey to pick at and feast on. Breastfeeding mothers happen to make a good target.
Women disgust me with this. All their talk of sexism, reproductive rights and equality in the workplace and in politics seems to all go flying out the window when it comes to breastfeeding. Never mind the fact that many women own bikinis, dresses, halter tops and other very revealing apparel that reveal much more than the average breastfeeding mother reveals. The idea that, my god, a breast being used for its intended purpose, and in public? A breast not being revealed and used in a sexual manner? Unthinkable!
But whatever. My breasts are both sexual and functional. I use my breasts to entice, tease, stimulate and titillate my husband, and I use them to nourish my child with the best nutrition available for babies – breast milk. And like it or not, I will do the latter in , if I happen to be out. Why? Because my child needs to eat. He has the right to be fed. And I have the right to feed him.
I have a really hard time making that difference between sexual objects and feeding the child. I guess it’s because I don’t have kids. While I would never be able to take a pic of me breastfeeding and post it on the internet, if ever given the chance to be able to breast feed I would, and I’d do it wherever I wanted.
I’d never be able to get past my own issues with my body to put the pics on the net so I can’t even get into the whole my child would be embarrassed thing because I’d simply never get that far. Sad, but true. I still have those negative body issues.
I have a lot of body issues as well. Sometimes I look back at different pictures and it’s like, “ugh!”. But the breastfeeding ones really don’t bother me. I don’t know. It must be the mom thing kicking in.
Women are really bad about putting other people down because they feel bad about themselves. I’ve noticed it’s not near as bad with guys.
From where I am now, not having kids, I don’t think I would ever breastfeed in public. I would pump and take bottles. However, I do think that women should have the choice to breastfeed wherever they want to. It’s a natural thing and, as you’ve said, the best way to feed a baby.
When I see a woman breastfeeding sometimes I’ll do a doubletake, but that’s the extent. Once I realize what’s going on I give her privacy. There’s nothing dirty or wrong about it, so I don’t understand why people need to knock it so hard.
I agree with what you said. It’s okay to walk around with little less than boobie tassles on and that’s okay, but to breastfeed in public is “eww so gross!!!1!11!” Bleh.
Sorry to spam, but I just want to clarify. I don’t think I could ever breastfeed in public because I am SO.SHY. I don’t think I could handle the gawks and the rude comments either. Maybe if it became more socially acceptable (it sounds so ridiculous to say that about breastfeeding) it wouldn’t be as bad. I crumble under pressure
I agree with Ranee… I would never take pictures of myself breastfeeding because I feel like that is a very private thing, and also that people really don’t need to see it. There’s also the embarassment factor for my kids when they get older and look in old family albums and see them sucking away at my boobs. I couldn’t do that in a private album, let alone on the internet for all to see, lol. Also… who knows what sickos get off on that kinda thing (its creepy just thinking about it, lol).
However, I recently had a miscarriage a few months ago and ultimately decided I would breatfeed when I had time too (sad thought, huh?) and pump for the rest of the time as I would need to go back to school to finish up my degree and then ultimately go out and find a real job. I guess I’m just going to be one of those mom’s, but I also never planned on breastfeeding long… I probably would’ve started weaning at 9 months, so s/he would’ve started on sippy cups/regular cups by age 1. But, alas, it wasn’t meant to be but I took it as a sign to finish my degree first and get an ok job.
Ok just ignore the grammatical errors in the above comment… this is what I get for watching TV and typing at the same time. These nails don’t help either, haha.
AMEN! So true and it’s such a shame – but women are definately bitches, and sadly it will never change.
I agree with Ranee and Kate. I would never post pictures of myself breastfeeding as I feel it is a private thing as well. I, myself, don’t have any children. When/If I do, I don’t plan on breastfeeding. If I do decided to breastfeed…I would rather pump and put it in bottles rather than walk around for the world to see what I am doing. I feel it is a private thing and should be done it private. I wouldn’t want to see it so I wouldn’t expect other people wanting to see it. I am not against breastfeeding in public. Don’t get me wrong. It’s just my own opinion and choice to not breastfeed in public.
AMEN!! I also encountered the most criticism from other women. And you are right, women are so catty. Which is why I would rather hang out with a bunch of guys anyday.
Jessica, you stated you dont have any children. When you do have children, and lets say your out shopping, the baby is hungry. Do you let the baby cry because you dont want to breastfeed in public??? Its not really convenient to pump all the time so the baby can drink breastmilk from a bottle. Kind of defeats the purpose of breastfeeding. I know I certainly didnt have a lot of time to pump.I mean I made the occasional bottle for when my husband and I went out and we had a babysitter. I’m not putting you down or anything. Just sharing my 2 cents. Since its difficult for you to know exactly what is involved with breastfeeding since you have never done it.
Haha. I was involved in a heated dispute on LJ over something simaler. Except it pertained to someone’s default icon, that LJ told them was inappropriate, because it had a baby suckling a nipple in it.
I completely disagree with the some of the girls above, I don’t think that breastfeeding is a “private” thing. Is eating a private thing? Food courts at the mall are public places,as are restaurants, where at any given time you can see people stuffing their face without caring whether or not it’s a private thing.
So why should it be any different for an infant, whose only source of food comes from its mother’s breast? Grr, people make me so angry.
I’m right there with you on this, girl. My kids are close together so I’ve been lactating for nearly five years.. I’ve been through it ALL (guys sneaking peeks & some hitting on me lol, guys taking photos with cellphones *shudder*, women acting like catty bitches, being kicked out of public areas, told to nurse on numerous occasions in bathrooms, same old!). Breasts are so sexualized right now, that I don’t think we’ll be lucky enough to see any major change to it- at least not while we’re still breastfeeding our babes =(
I will admit, however, that say when nice old ladies smile at me, or confess they nursed too, it totally makes up for those negative experiences.. & then some!
Btw- I don’t care what others think but I feed my kids where ever/when ever if they are hungry. I am discreet & I’ve come to the realization that if someone is made uncomfortable by it, then it’s THEIR issue- not mine. My husband says I make that perfectly clear when I have been challenged ;)
I must be very fortunate. I have never had to face criticism or insults about breastfeeding my child in public. Two of our local grocery stores even installed benches for mothers to feed their children… I hope PA is able to help breastfeeding mothers! I will keep my fingers crossed for you.. also, congrats on being semi-famous! Your son is ADORABLE!
Obviously, I agree with this post. haha
I just wanted to point out that a lot of those commenting about pumping.. must not get how hard it is. You can’t just breastfeed sometimes and expect to get any decent amount of expressed breastmilk. It’s all supply and demand – there must be a pretty consistent demand in order for there to be a consistent supply.
Have you seen this post? http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/05/09/maggie-gyllenhaal-is-my-hero/
Warning, it is NOT SAFE FOR WORK and contains NUDITY, but has a very interesting comment thread going about whether or not women should breastfeed in public. For the record, my opinion is that if everyone else can eat in public, why can’t a BABY?? It’s not our fault that nature put our milk in our BREASTS!!
Ok just some points to ponder for me.
I would not take pictures to put on the net and they wouldn’t be in the albums either, but that’s again my own issues. Like I said I’d never to the sharing the photo issue because I’d probably rip it up. If I ever did take one and I could muster up the courage to put it online it would be like One giant step for Ranee and self image.
And after reading people talk about feeding in public I started to think, I don’t see breast feeders at all in public, ever. I wonder if it’s a small town Indiana thing or what?
I told my husband last night that if I breastfed I’d do it anywhere I wanted, but I’d be classy about it. I’m not going to whip out nipple and go oh look at this I’m about to feed my kid. You know I’m a modest person. However, they are just nipples. I also told him I wanted one of those I Make Milk What Is Your SuperPower shirts and he cracked up.
I’m sort of shy when it comes to my body and all, but I want to do what is best for a child. I’m slowly starting to come out of this shell over my boobs. You know 31 years of them only being treated as sex objects and it’s hard for me to think of it any other way.
It’s true. Women can be so judgmental when it comes to things….
U should do whatever u feel is comfortable. If you are one who feels comfortable breast feeding…. u should just do it. 
And, not give a hoot as to what others think or say!!!! And, anyways – it’s a great way to bond with your babies…. and, ur husband too ;)
Niki – five years? Wow! And here I was thinking, “Wow, I’ve either been pregnant or lactating for three years!” You’ve certainly got me beat.
I’ve been lucky in regards to negative breastfeeding in public experiences – a few looks, pointed glances, nudging of other people to look, or the typical double take, but that’s about it. Thus far I’ve only had one person approach me about nursing, and that happened when I was in my CAR in a PARKING LOT nursing, and the guy freaked out because I happened to be nursing while “hogging” a “good” parking spot. Hah.
Jessica – nursing benches? That’s awesome! The most I’ve seen here is a “family room” at the mall. It’s nice, but is overrun with teens, so I’ve never used it.
Ally – you hit the nail on the head there. Pumping is not very efficient when it comes to extracting a lot of milk. Oh, don’t get me wrong, pumping works, but it can take several sessions to get a decent amount.
For me, it takes three sessions of twenty to thirty minutes at a time, pumping both sides simultaneously (electric double pump) to get about six ounces. From what my mom and husband have said, Ryan will easily suck down a good eight to ten ounces at any given time.
So, let’s do some quick math here. In order to pump an adequate amount to hold Ryan over if I was out for an hour or two, I would need to spend about two and a half hours pumping – and over the course of two to three days, since I can’t pump all the time as I have to have enough milk to feed Ryan, and with a house to manage and a toddler to chase after I can’t be chained to the pump 24/7.
Sorry, but all that advanced preparation just to go grocery shopping, or out to dinner? Not happening.
And another thing: I’m lucky in the sense that Ryan will switch between a bottle and me with no fuss. But not all babies will. Some babies will reject a bottle entirely, or develop a preference for it, which can cause many problems with latching and nursing.
Totally agree.. I pretty much nodded my head the whole way through!! Another thing too is, don’t breastfeed past a certain age when people think the baby is “too old” to still be breastfed, watch out catty women! Frig, that was one of the worst things I encountered in my breasfeeding career. Women are aweful, and I for one, plan not to be that way after reading this and getting some of the flack from those “They’re nothing more than vultures decked out in nail polish and jewelry, looking for their next prey to pick at and feast on” as you put it sooooo perfectly!! Thanks for this wonderful rant! It made my day to hear someone so aptly agree with how I feel about other women.
AMEN. I’m so tired of women-on-women judging; especially when it comes to parental decisions that are not affecting anyone else. Feeding, pacifiers, when to potty train, where they sleep, how long they sleep for, if you had a drug free labor or an epidural, whether your kids watch TV. Every issue in the world is something for one mom to harass another about. FRUSTRATING.
I think it’s wonderful when women breastfeed. I did it with both the kids, and if we have another, I’ll do it again. And at three months, both times, I just stopped producing milk– almost to the same day. And I formula fed, and they were happy, and I didn’t feel guilty. Babies gotta eat. End of story.
I do understand how someone could feel awkward seeing someone breastfeed; especially someone who isn’t used to it or has issues with nudity. I sympathize with that. Honestly, though, it’s not like you’re getting a whole striptease and peepshow. Heh. I usually nursed in private because it was more comfortable, and I distinctly remember my friend Audrey coming in once while I was breastfeeding– talking to me for a whole five minutes– and leaving without even realizing what was happening. I even signaled to my chest, and she didn’t get it. I just don’t want people to think public breastfeeding = walking around topless with a baby on each boob. It’s very possible, and in my experience very easy, to do it discreetly. :-)