After last night’s venting and ten hours of sleep, I feel a lot better. Of course, my problems aren’t solved, as things are as they were, but being able to sleep more in one night than I have in the past two or three nights can do wonders for a person. I woke up feeling really good.
Alyssa and I went out this afternoon. I’m glad I took my newly purchased sunglasses with me, because the sun is bothering my eyes a bit. Also, I’m not sure if it’s because my eyes are still adjusting, or my prescription is a bit “off”, but my vision doesn’t seem quite… right. It’s hard to explain. Things aren’t exactly blurry, but they’re not exactly in sharp focus, either.
I appreciate the supportive comments on my last entry. To those who left comments that weren’t so supportive: surely you realize that parenthood is not all rainbows and unicorns, right? I would be kidding myself and everyone else if I never reached any low points in parenthood. I know that Alyssa is making the messes she is for attention. I get it, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. And really, with everything else that is going on right now, her messes are the straw that broke the camel’s back. And this camel can’t keep on plodding along.
I wasn’t cut out to parent four kids. Especially when the last two were tossed into my household at the ages of ten and twelve, and especially when they have their own developmental and behavioral problems.
I repeat: I wasn’t cut out to parent four kids. Why the fuck do you think I was so insistent on having a tubal ligation when I had Ryan?! I went around and around with the OB and screamed the office down in order to get it. And let me tell you, I am damned happy that I had it. Babies are great and all that, and my maternal instincts to procreate kick into overdrive every little bit, but from a purely logical standpoint, especially after this past month, you better believe I have no regrets about choosing a more permanent method of birth control.
In regards to working, perhaps I’m missing something, but why on earth should I give up a position of earning $300 – $400 per week while being able to stay at home with my children, be here for my brothers and take care of our household, and instead go out and get a job in a store or restaurant or wherever, earn perhaps $200 – $300 per week, maybe $400 or so if I worked full time, and then turn around and spend over half of it on gas for my vehicle and daycare costs? And then come home and still have a household to manage, and four kids to take care of. I’m sorry, but that makes absolutely no sense. And by the way, that $300 – $400 per week earnings is just from PPP and a few other sponsored writing companies. I wasn’t even including the freelance writing assignments that I do for another company, who per their request shall remain nameless, that pays out anywhere from $250 to $1500 per each assignment.
So, that’s that. So sue me for venting my frustrations at my entire life in my own personal blog. Instead I should have, oh I don’t know, ODed on some pills, or gone and beat one or both of my kids, and maybe my brothers for good measure. How terrible of me to make the wrong decision. :rolleyes:
Well you know if you are going to start beating them make sure you are fair about it!
Kidding, sleep can make it all better isn’t that funny?
It’s amazing what some venting will do for you, isn’t it? And sleep is always good, especially when you are deprived.
Do you have an astigmatism? That could be causing you to not see things sharply.
As for the people who were giving you a hard time about blogging about your life on your blog, just ignore them. I know it’s hard. I have had my fair share of people who have told me just what to say and how to say it on my blog. I’m even blocked from mentioning specifics about family and friends because they might be identified. It’s still hard to believe that unless someone knows my genealogy that they could figure out who I’m talking about just by mentioning one name.
I’m glad that you are feeling better. You are allowed to vent, and of course there will be a negative response from people. This is your life, and you not not breaking any laws by venting your frustrations. It is much better to vent than say lash out on some murderous spree.
I think that is awesome with how much money you are making through PPP, and the other writing company assignments.
My eyes took a while to adjust after switching back to contacts. My eyes felt strained, but that went away after a few days. I also got the same sensation in my eyes when I switched back to glasses.
I cannot believe that people had the nerve to jump on you about voicing your thoughts instead of acting on them as a BAD thing or something that makes you a BAD mother. If they knew the entire situation which you’ve outlined over and over again, maybe they wouldn’t be so judgmental about how your situation is and how you’re handling it all.
I’m not surprised at some of the backlash. When you have a blog, especially with the chance to add a commment, you’re basically leaving it open for anyone to object, agree, dissect, insult anything you blog about. Sucks majorly since many of those who provide negative feedback are hypocrites or could never make it in the same situation.
Anyway, I’m glad you finally got some much deserved sleep and a good vent. Everyone needs that ever so often.
People are such fucking retards, generally speaking. I can understand maybe being shocked by a mother outright admitting her frustration, but to freak out about it is just ridiculous. I guess some people just don’t have anything better to do with there time, or think the world is all rainbows, puppies and unicorns all the time.
I’m glad your feeling better though! Sleep is always a god send I’m sure :D!
I don’t think people get the difference between a venting post and a post that reflects how anyone really acts in life. I vent about 90% more online about problems than people in real life ever hear about. We come here at our LOW points, it’s definitely not a reflection on you. If every post of yours was about difficulties then that’s a cause for giving people advice beyond, “I hope you feel better,” Y’know? Bah. I’d just ignore it, and remember that people, especially people who don’t know you, aren’t in a position to judge your life.
I’m glad you got some sleep!
I’m glad you’re feeling better. I truly am. However, to your above commentors, there was NO ONE that “freaked out”. Disagreeing does NOT mean “freaking out”. Everyone who commented left suggestions–some better than others. It’s immature to assume that simply because we disagree we’re inexperienced and “fucking retards”.
I am glad that you’re feeling better today Jenn and hopefully things will get better with more time.
There’s a big difference between venting your frustration and saying you want to kill your daughter. Do you realise just how fucked up that was? My daughter is wetting her pants due to lack of attention, she’s 3 years old but I’m going to throw her away and I want to kill her. Venting =/= even thinking that. I don’t believe for one second that parenting is all rainbows and unicorns, but I also don’t think you should say you want to kill your child for something they cannot control.
Is PPP a real job? Absolutely not, you’re contributing nothing to society and pissing on the internet. You’re nothing more than internet scum (which is fitting because you’re nothing more than trailer trash in the offline world) along the lines of Bob Smith of Nigeria who wants me to send him $5,000usd so I can collect the inheritance his father left to me.
Wow. And Woah all at the same time. While I agree with Sage that just because everyone has a differing opinion doesn’t make the fucking retards I think people start to assume that because someone always comes along who really thought Jenn was holding a knife over Alyssa while blogging instead of just blowing off some steam.
I also find it hilarious that we just had this conversation about real jobs and now you have an anonymous commenter that is saying it’s not a real job and you are trailer trash. She was probably rejected by the company. Angela did that. She tried and tried to get into PPP and when she couldn’t even with help from me she started to slam me for doing it. Does it make any of us bad people for doing it? No, it’s not our faults you people aren’t crafty enough to make extra money.
And by anonymous I don’t believe for one second you don’t have a website and you just read blogs. I just don’t believe it.
Jenn, I’m glad you posted about the contacts. I’m having the same problems with mine. I thought it was just my eyes until you updated about yours. I’m going back to glasses only because I can’t afford contacts. I didn’t know they was going to be so high. ($150) a month!
Carol, has there never been a time in your life where you said, “God, I could kill that person” in a reaction to someone that has angered you? Oh of course not, beause you know, you must be perfect pfft. People get angry and sometimes say things they shouldn’t. You might not agree with that Jenn said, and heck sure it sounded harsh but if you read all her posts about her children, you will know how much she cares for Alyssa (and Ryan) and all the stress she’s been under too. She said she reached a breaking point and obviously with what she said she has. Leave her alone she’s human and thus, allowed to make mistakes.
And who resigned and made you the queen of job titles and social status. If you have such a problem with what Jenn does for a living. Don’t read her blog, don’t visit her sites, leave her alone. You’re obviously ignorant, and cannot accept how others may choose to live their lives.
Carol, I don’t think Jenn ever meant that she didn’t want her daughter. She was just trying to vent her frustration. Anyone who visits this place knows how much she loves her children, as well as the rest of her family. I asked my own mom what she went through when I was around Alyssa’s age, and she had similar reactions and it was just my mom, dad, and me. Sometimes people get annoyed with their children. Sometimes they vent about it online. I’m sure if my mom had been into blogging, she would have done the same thing. Wouldn’t you rather Jenn say that she is having a hard time right now than go out and do something drastic like harm herself, her kids, her brothers, or her husband?
What makes her internet scum or trailer trash? As far as I know, she’s contributed more to the internet than you (and your bright and cheery personality) have. And she’s got her own house, which literally takes her out of the “trailer trash” definition. She earns her own money to pay her own bills. She’s married and she takes care of 4 kids (2 of whom aren’t even hers). That means she’s responsible for a Hell of a lot for a 23 year old. I don’t know you or how old you are, but could you put up with what she does on a daily basis?
I’m not saying everyone complaining in the last entry are retards, just that in my experience the general populace is such, and it’s highlighted by people getting there panties in a twist over a mom venting her frustration rather then bottling it up. I mean seriously, people are acting like she was running around holding a knife to her throat.
Carol, I think that your comments were uncalled for.
I may not have been reading Jenn’s blog for very long (but it makes for a great procrastination tool from coursework, I’ll tell you that. ^^) but she seems to be doing the best that she can for her family and that’s really all that anyone can do in any situation.
Carol,
Its called a figure of speech. Dont take everything you read literally. Also, her REAL job is raising her children! You have offended many of us by saying that being a SAHM is not a real job. PPP is a way for us SAHM’s to bring in a little extra cash. Why are you so angry and judgemental? Is it harming you in anyway?
Carol said: Is PPP a real job? Absolutely not, you’re contributing nothing to society and pissing on the internet. You’re nothing more than internet scum (which is fitting because you’re nothing more than trailer trash in the offline world) along the lines of Bob Smith of Nigeria who wants me to send him $5,000usd so I can collect the inheritance his father left to me.
So let me get this straight. Posting a few entries on your blog, advertising about products and services is “pissing on the internet”? Hmmm. What about all the pornography that is on the internet? Now that is my idea of internet scum. Not a mom or dad or whomever that chooses to do a little advertising on a site THEY pay for to earn some extra money.
Carol is obviously unaware what PPP actually is. In my opinion, it’s a legitimate career in the advertising field. What’s she’s saying is that anyone who works for an advertising company doesn’t have a “real” job.
She’s also saying that web designers and developers don’t have “real” jobs because they’re internet-based.
Or is it simply the idea of not leaving the house to do your job? As a Chronic Fatigue Syndrome sufferer, I’d like to say a big ‘fuck you’ to anyone who thinks that a job is not legitimate if you work it from home.
I’m glad you managed to get some sleep. I definitely know the difference a good night’s sleep can make. I haven’t had one in a while and I can totally sympathise with your previous post.
Oh hey Jenn, don’t forget about people who have nothing better to do than to invade somebody else’s blog to throw royal shitfits :] You know, in reference to pissing on the internet and not contributing to society . . .
I may have some insight to your contact lens problem :3. I had that problem once before too, when one day I realized “oh hey, my contacts are in the wrong eye” and proceeded to feel like a retard for the next couple of hours. If thats not it, you should probably ask your eye doctor about it.
I’m glad things are finally looking up n_n
I have been somewhat avoiding these posts because I don’t like the dramallama.. but just like Kim said above.. a lot of people SAY things that they don’t mean. As long as she’s not acting on it, or outright telling someone she’s going to kill them, why is it a problem? She’s STRESSED, it’s OKAY. I can’t even tell you how many times mine and my husband’s dog piss me off and I make comments about how I’d love it if they died, etc. Do I really want my dogs to die? Uh, no, I’d be an absolute mess over it. I know this is about children and not dogs, but whether or not you like it, it comes down to the same thing. She’s stressed, she’s venting, it’s OKAY. Drop it.
Here’s an easy solution to your financial difficulty: get a job that’s OFFLINE, leave your children with a child minder or better a daycare and work during the hours they’re at the daycare. You could even keep your PPP place as long as you claim it on your taxes, so you’re earning twice the money you’re getting now.
What also contributes to your financial problems AND the problems you’re having with your children is your husband’s stupidity. How many gaming consoles do you have in your house again? Isn’t it about three? It just appears to most readers of your blog that he spends his spare time GAMING. He should be taking responsibility as a father and spending the spare time helping you out, whether he has a job or not – it’s no excuse. You say he comes home from work at 2am and leaves for work at around 3pm. What the hell does he do with the 13 hours in between? Oh I forgot he’s probably gaming. Please don’t tell me he spends those 12 hours sleeping, no one needs that much sleep even from working.
I remember reading you posting somewhere about when you went into labour and he did nothing about it but rather played games, and instead of you getting help from him you had to phone your mother for help. That’s really fucked up. He doesn’t sound like a good husband or father at all. I expect you will defend him later on after I post this, but that’s because you love him – perhaps you are a little too in love to see where your problems lie? I think you should sit back and take a look at the situation you’re in with him.
No, parenthood is hardly glamorous I know from personal experience. Nobody is a perfect parent, but instead of shipping your child off to your mother’s for an easy life and break you should be trying to find out what is causing your daughter’s behaviour. She’s three and three year olds aren’t capable of sharing what is troubling them so much, so it’s the parents RESPONSIBILITY to get to the bottom of it. If you can’t cope now how are you going to cope in ten years time?
Writing a PPP post does not take 40 hours a week, or even 20. It probably takes fifteen-30 minutes in a week, if you’re a very slow writer. I have nothing against you or anyone doing the PPP thing (besides how annoying it is), it’s just ridiculous when you call it a job. It’s NOT a job. Would you seriously put it on a resumé? No. Because it’s not a job, and it most certainly is not a career.
A lot of people are telling Jenn to get a real job instead of doing PPP, but I don’t think this argument comes down to whether or not PPP constitutes a “career” (LOL) or not. Even if you think it does, like Kayleigh said, it doesn’t take 40 hours a week. What’s stopping someone who does PPP from getting another job and continuing to write in their blog for extra cash? No matter what your opinion of PPP is, money is still tight, and a real job would benefit her no matter which way you want to look at the situation. She could probably finish her postings during her break time and voila, works out perfectly.
And I know I’m going to hear about time and daycare and blah blah blah in response to this, but seriously – working part time at a grocery store wouldn’t eat up her life. That’s what I did this summer, and half the kids who work there are 16 and have school all day long. Most of the other employees were older, had families and even second jobs. None of which were PPP, for the record.
This is THE season for part time jobs. If you are not willing to do so then your husband should think about it. Many employers are very flexible this time of year and are willing to hire people for very part time work. A job would be healthy for you mentally and physically with the exercise you could get.
And seriously, just stop buying stuff that you do not need!! You have blogged MANY times about how much money you have spent over the last few months just because you have those “assignments” that you do. But did you save any of it?! Did you pay off bills and get yourself out of debt with it? You do not need a fancy DSLR camera. You do not need another cat, let alone a Persian that surely cost you a few hundred dollars alone. When you have kids you have to think of them and make sure there is always money on hand for them. Don’t let it burn a hole in your pocket as soon as you get it. It’s time to be the adult that you so proudly display yourself as. If you are as high and mighty as you like to pretend to be, then get your big girl panties on and deal with your life – and give your kid a break! That poor girl is probably just as stressed as you are with so much change in her life. Get off the computer to spend time with her and her brother instead or catering to everyone else’s needs. They should be priority #1.
As a single mom, who works full-time, and still manages to spend time with my son and get my domestic duties done, and yes, get enough sleep, I say suck it up. There are people out there in worse situations than yourself, who don’t complain half as much as you.
If everything is driving you nuts THAT bad, then do something about it.