As if stealing my ebay auction from me wasn’t bad enough (I admit it, I’m not angry only because I won a similar auction for just a few dollars more), yesterday afternoon my mother had the nerve to ask me for money to help her pay for the printer. Right. As if we’re really rolling in the dough. She quickly forgot that despite having several grand in our account and a bit more in our hands last Friday, it quickly dwindled, between bills, oh, and some more bills. You see, when you pay off everything that is currently owed and THEN SOME, you’re kind of left with not a lot. And to top it off one of my brothers is once again living with us — has been for almost two weeks now, and could be here for up to six more weeks) — and of course it’s the one that eats like a fucking horse. Seriously, if he isn’t babysat every single minute, he’ll easily eat three and four bowls of cereal for breakfast, that and more for lunch, and huge helpings at dinner. And in between he’ll buzz through snacks like a chainsaw through a piece of wood. If all that isn’t bad enough, he’s wasteful about certain things, and a pig when it comes to eating — leaving trails of milk and juice and tea and soda and crumbs everywhere he goes. Alyssa is a neater eater than him! And you know, with two toddlers and housework and work and wanting just a bit of time for myself, I seriously don’t have the time or ability to babysit the kitchen every single minute, especially when the little bastard sneaks in there when I have my back turned or I’m busy and in another part of the house. I’m very tempted to buy a lock for the fridge and keep all of the goodies hidden in our bedroom. Yes, he is that bad.
This is also the same kid that enjoys embellishing the truth — at the very least — and making up outrageous fabrications and stories. I have also found out, from both my mother and my brother himself, that he is waking up later at night (by later at night I mean well past midnight, and his bedtime is by 8pm) and in addition to coming out and using the bathroom nearest to the bedroom he is staying in and getting a drink, he is eavesdropping on Dan and I. Well, when you are a married couple with two toddlers and a husband that works primarily second shift schedules, you will almost always find yourself having sex later at night, when everyone else is asleep! Anyway, my brother is coming down the hall to our bedroom and listening in on us, and then reporting his “findings” back to my mom, and probably whoever else will listen. And knowing him, “My sister and Dan are having sex in their bedroom” is probably twisted around so that we’re doing all sorts of fucking acrobatics in the living room, or better yet in the same room with him. My brother is real good for making up crazy shit like that. That’s exactly why he’s living with us right now, by the way.
Well, I’m sorry, but Dan and I I are NOT putting our sex life on hold for a twelve year old twerp who wants to sneak around late at night and report what he hears to others in hopes of getting attention. Fuck that. I told my mom AND the caseworker AND his therapists that if it comes right down to it, he can find the front door and leave. Sex is normal, and is a normal part of my life. So unless he wants to sit in foster care until the arrangements for a residential facility are finalized, he can keep to where he should be at night – in bed, unless he has to use the bathroom – and stop sneaking around in front of my bedroom door. Dan and I do our best to keep things quiet, including keeping our door shut and locked, and running the washer, dryer and furnace at the same time to add some white noise to the house. The other night we conceded to using the bathroom, and took a hot shower and had sex there. You’d think that with the washer, dryer, furnace AND behind behind a closed door with the noise of a shower that he wouldn’t hear a peep. And I know he wouldn’t – if he were in his bedroom sleeping or staring at the ceiling, instead of sneaking to where we’re at in the house and listening. The fact that he is evidently still hearing us and repeating things to my mom is enough proof that he isn’t staying where he should be. Ugh. God give me strength to deal with this…
Anyway. I’m not helping my mom with paying for her printer. I can’t. I’m not touching our bank account to pay for my printer, and I’m sure as hell not touching it to pay for her printer. I’m using my earnings from writing work and paid blogging and advertisements to pay for my printer. Most of that money will be coming into my PayPal account between tomorrow and Friday morning. As soon as I have the total needed (somewhere around $230), I’ll be paying the seller for my printer, and that’s that.
My mother has issues with being impulsive and compulsive. I think that’s my husband’s number one pet peeve about my mother (see his comment on my last entry?). A great example is the printer! I first started talking about the printer months ago, and was really lusting after it a few days after Christmas. I lamented to my mom that there was no way in hell I was shelling out $500 for a printer, so I was going to forget about it. It was last week when I decided to check on ebay for the hell of it, and told my mom that I found one on there that, at the time, had only two bids and was at $140, with less than four hours to go (by the way, SHE was the one who drove the price up to $200, because she kept bidding against me. Ergh.). Then all of a sudden SHE had to have one. And of course when SHE won the auction, she made it out to my grandfather and to me and to Dan that SHE was the one who wanted one all along, long before I did. Right. That’s why she never even heard of the printer until I told her about it in December.
This has happened before, many times. Farthest back I can think is January 2003, when Dan bought me a digital camera as a belated Christmas present. I called her to tell her all about it. A few days later she went out and bought the same thing. But of course, she had been “looking at digital cameras long before” I had. Sure, Mom. Whatever you said.
January 2005. I decided to upgrade my cell phone, a Nokia something or other (a bottom of the line piece of crap that didn’t even have a color screen), to a Samsung E315. Not to be outdone, the next day my mom stops at T-Mobile and signs up for a wireless account and gets the same phone, then comes to tell me all about its great features. As if I didn’t already know from checking it out at the store and buying it before she did.
February 2006. I told my mom I planned on upgrading my cell phone again, and was thinking about the Motorola Razr. I bought mine on February 11th. I found out that evening she bought hers a day or two before. Of course, she SHE bought HERS first, I was the copycat.
February 14th, 2006. My laptop from notebooks4free.com arrived. While talking to her on the phone that night I mentioned it to her. The next day she called to tell me she had just bought a similar laptop, whatever one had came out right after it, from Costco, and it was so much better because of X and Y. (Not really – she had a bigger hard drive and the laptop itself weighed less, but that’s about it!)
November 2006. I spent a few days reading reviews on the HP Photosmart R967 digital camera. Finally, I decided I wanted it. I looked online and saw that HP offered free shipping, but that Best Buy had a better deal, and no shipping would be required. I would have to drive to Delaware to get it, but the cost of gas would still be cheaper than the extra money and tax I would have had to pay if I bought it online. I told my mom I planned on going to Delaware to get it. She not only came along, but bought one for herself, swearing up and down she read reviews on it as well.
Spring 2007. After taking Alyssa and Ryan to several sittings at Picture People and inquiring about the types of digital cameras they used to take photos, I started looking into DSLRs. I originally had my heart set on a Canon Rebel XTi, because that’s what I had seen in action at Picture People. I looked at Nikon reviews, too. I was undecided when, in May of 2007, my mom suddenly ran out and bought herself a Nikon D40x. I decided to try hers out, since I could test it in a variety of settings with different subjects and lighting, rather than in a store by a counter. I really liked it, so when I went ahead with buying a DSLR that June, I chose the Nikon D40x, simply because I had been able to test it out in different environments, and was more than satisfied with its performance. Of course, since my mother was the one to buy one first, I’M the copycat. Never mind the fact that I was the one talking about it long before her…
September 2007. After having my T-Mobile Dash for about a month, my mom just HAD to have one for herself. To date, she lets it run down half the time, and doesn’t use it much, except to make phone calls. Why buy such an expensive cell phone if you’re not going to use all of the features you’re paying so much for? You know, like internet access, email, instant messaging, the ability to synchronize with email, contacts and calendar information on your home computer… in other words, all of those things I both BOUGHT it for and actually USE it for!
Ugh. I’m sorry for the venting, but this constant need to “one up” me by my mother gets REALLY, REALLY OLD. Especially when she buys all this crap that I do, barely uses it, and then bitches about not using it. So far the only thing she hasn’t been able to one up me on is a MAN and KIDS (besides the ones she already had long before I had mine). Hah!
I’m sorry about your mother doing all this to you, and your brother sneaking around. I would be going completely crazy right now if I were you.
wow, your mom is REALLY not right. That really sucks butt. My mother is alomost the same but not as bad.
And as foryour brother? You should talk to him or have your mother come over and do it? Something needs to be done, that’s YOUR house and YOU can do what YOU want.
Good. Lord! That’s all I can really come up with! Often times when I read what you’ve written about you and your mom, you seem like the parent and she seems like the child. Even with how the kids are concerned. You generally hear about grandparents taking grandkids, not the other way around!
Wow, your mom sounds more like an obsessive, jealous friend than an actual MOTHER.
As for her asking to borrow money to pay for a printer, that’s just wrong… It isn’t your problem. If she knew she wouldn’t be able to afford it, she shouldn’t have bid on it…..
Okay, I would just go crazy. You’re right, don’t censor yourself because he’s up being nosey, TRYING to hear what you all are doing. Which I still don’t understand, even when I was twelve I can assure you – hearing my brother have sex was THE LAST THING I would ever want to hear.
I’m not sure how you handle it, my dear. But keep on keeping on. I think you do great things as a parent and guardian and it still bugs me that he doesn’t seem to appreciate it the way he should.
I don’t even want to get started on your mother. I can’t stand one uppers.
You’re right to be annoyed and feel free to vent. I could not imagine dealing with all of the things you have had to.
And.. oh my gosh. Your little brother likes to listen to you and Dan having sex? Something about this is just beyond messed up. Hopefully he will not be able to come up with too many wild stories.
Good luck with your mom, too. I wouldn’t even know what to do if my mother started behaving like that. Thankfully, she doesn’t have the one upper personality.
I think that your family should be grateful that you are taking in your younger brother, who is not your responsibility while you have two kids of your own. If you want to have sex, oh well. At least you’re not publicly displaying it.
OMFG JENN.. you’re describing my mother! I love her but OI VEY. There’s more than I can think of right now but when we bought our laptop from the dell outlet, she bought the next model up. When I got my phone, she went and got the same phone (but the model before it because she wasn’t eligible for upgrade so it got it off ebay). She did it with the photo printer, and she did it with our TRUCK. We got our truck, she had a GMC Jimmy and she didn’t waste much time going to trade it in for a GMC Sierra.
OH, and she’s done it with ANIMALS too! We got a puppy (she already had two dogs, we had one and wanted a companion for him) and she went out and got a puppy! We got a bearded dragon, and she went and got him! THEN.. get this.. she gets tired of these animals or can’t take care of them and finds them new homes. W.T.F.
JENN. Dear god, you just reminded me – THERE’S MORE!!!
CAR! When we got our Hyundai, she went and test drove one the next day. She would have bought it, except that she was denied because of her credit. Funny – she now bashes ours all of the time, because she hates cars. *eyeroll*
CAT! When I started searching for a shaded silver Persian cat breeder, I told my mom. When I found a breeder, SHE got on the phone and SHE ordered a cat from her too… then acted like it was all her idea to begin with.
PHONE! She bought a Panasonic cordless phone with three additional handsets… raved about how awesome it was. A few weeks later, Dan and I replaced our pathetic and dying cordless phone with an AT&T cordless phone with two additional handsets. I chose the AT&T over the Panasonic because I liked the backlit buttons – something her precious Panasonic didn’t have. I guess you wouldn’t be surprised if I told you that she took back her Panasonic and bought the AT&T. Ugh.
HolyMolly! I would crack up if my mum pulled stunts like that.
Although saying that my mother knows nothing about technology so I doubt she would go out and copy me but she sometimes tries to dress like me. Gives me nightmares lol
Your brother needs to learn some respect and learn to be grateful that his older sister is letting him live with her rather than allowing him to go somewhere else. That’s just disturbing that he goes around telling people of what he hears late at night…
I would be offended if my mom outbid me on something and then asked me for the money on it. If you can’t afford to pay for something, you shouldn’t bit on it, simple as that. Sounds like you have your hands full with them, good luck.
I think your brother needs to respect you and be thankful for being able to stay at your house.
I don’t understand why your mum would do something like that to you. Perhaps you should talk to her about it? (Although I’m sure you’ve already done that numerous times). In my opinion as a mother you should be supportive towards your children, and not behave like that. I’d be pissed off too.
Wow! Your family has a lot of issues going on. I feel bad that you’re stuck in the middle.
As for your brother, I can’t believe that you have to take care of him. You and Dan have been struggling to get your finances in order and seem to be doing pretty well. I don’t understand why people (your mom and case worker) are pushing you to take him in if even for a few weeks. I don’t know what to tell you about your brother listening to your intimate moments. That’s just….very wrong.
As for your mom, I think the best thing to do is distant yourself from her. I know that’s probably hard to do, but it does sound like she has some serious jealousy issues. So if you and Dan are planning to make any purchases, trips, changes in your lifestyle, etc., I would keep quiet about it. Tell a friend and not your mom.
Like a few other have already suggested, I would keep your mom in the dark on future purchases since she wants to be such a petty one. Regarding your brother, you should fully express to everyone involved that you really can’t afford to take another mouth on to feed and his over exaggerated stories are not wanted. If the caseworker and your mother cannot supply you with any compensation for feeding your brother etc, then they need to find someone else. I hate to sound so hard ass about it, but you have your OWN household to maintain and you do not need some snot assed sibling of yours causing unneeded chaos in your own home. Seriously, you and Dan need to bone up and lay down the law over this whole matter. Good Luck to you both.
If I were you I’d have kicked the brother out by now and cut off all communication with mother dearest. Considering the other stuff you have to deal with, the extra aggravation isn’t worth it and isn’t necessary and you need to cut it loose.
I agree with Mi about your brother. If he doesn’t learn how to respect your privacy, then perhaps he shouldn’t be living with you. Especially because you have Alyssa and Ryan to take care of, and trust me, I know how hard two toddlers are. You shouldn’t have to deal with crap from your brother. I’d say give him the boot. Its tough love, but maybe he’ll learn something from it.
As far as your mother goes… What was she thinking? Out bidding you on ebay and then having the balls to ask you to pay for it. I definitely would consider not telling her things in regards to your purchases or finances. She doesn’t need to know.
Oh my God, I can’t believe your mom competes with you like that! lol, that is crazy! That would annoy me as well girl. Vent it out!!
And smh @ your little brother listening in on you and your husband in the bedroom! He’d have to GOOOOOOO. lol
you poor thing…why would he want to listen!?! Maybe you should play music? As far as impulsive buying mothers…I am with you.
Wow, that’s nuts. My grandma does something similar to my mom. See, my mom is broke, and she fell in love with this bracelet and my grandma who is very well off was there with her, and she decided that SHE loved it and bought it right there in front of my mom, but guess what? She never wears it. She does stuff like that all the time, it’s totally messed up. She even flirted with my moms ex husband all the time and she thought this guy liked HER just because my mom said he liked my mom. Messed up, I don’t get why mothers are like that sometimes. Shes just jealous of you, so she’s trying to outdo you. Uhg, I can’t imagine how irritating that must be.
Your mother sounds stressful, dear God. x_x’
Sometimes I consider myself lucky for not having proper parents. No one to give a flying f*** about what I do, but… don’t take this as an offense, but the need to emulate your own child (the other way around would be understandable) or constantly “one up” her is a sign of a personality disorder (a combo of Narcissistic + Obsessive-Compulsive or just Histrionic), and your mother might need help for it if she doesn’t realize what she’s doing and lies to defend herself when she copies you.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic_personality_disorder
I’ve had to read up on these because I suffer from a personality disorder, and I recognize that people with personality disorders are not only stressful but harmful to their families and friends.
As for your brother, I have… no words.
Hey hey, I got an idea, you should tell your mom you are going to buy something totally random, stupid and pointless that is expensive and ridiculous and see if she goes and buys it before you…the you can have a good chuckle, and let her know your evil plot afterwards!