Last week I upgraded Firefox to 3.01 RC. Greasemonkey promptly up and died, and I wanted to cry, because I use several scripts to make browsing, commenting on photos and posting photos from Flickr a lot easier, and quicker (photo posting).
So I searched around, and found this new release. And it works! Perfectly! I am happy once again. :D
Alyssa discovered a caterpillar in our yard yesterday. She befriended it, letting it crawl up and down her arm, giggling when its tiny bristles tickled her fingers. My mom and brothers were over at the time, and my ten year old brother was playing outside with her. When it was time for dinner, I asked him to take Alyssa back outside to release the caterpillar. He said okay, and out they went.
Five minutes later, they’re back in and we settle down for dinner. After a bite of chicken, Alyssa informs me that they took the caterpillar outside, my ten year old brother dropped it on the ground, then stepped on it and squished it around. As if that wasn’t mean and disgusting enough, he then made sure to point out the smashed caterpillar and its blood on the ground.
It’s now today, and she hasn’t stopped talking about seeing the sleeping caterpillar, the dead caterpillar and the dark blood on the ground. Each time the conversation comes up we tell her not to worry about the caterpillar, and go on to talk about something else: the animals at the zoo, our planned trip to the pool tomorrow (I can’t wait to go swimming!), what she’d like for a snack, draw us a picture, etc., etc. I’m not one to hide away from the realities of life (death), but she’s THREE. She does not need to know about it, and she certainly does not need to keep thinking about and talking about a dead caterpillar and its blood on the ground.
As for my brother, I chewed him out for it. There was no reason to kill the caterpillar, and there was certainly no reason to make a big deal out of it to Alyssa, including showing her the body and its blood. What he did was wrong, and to then discuss it with her in detail was very inappropriate. My mom yelled at him too, and I know that if Dan was here (he was at working), he would have reamed him out as well.
Well, I’m off to try and get Alyssa’s mind on other things. Unicorns, flowers, sparkles, sugar cookies, rainbows, and the like. Anything but the poor caterpillar. 
That was REALLY mean of him. Stuff like that would still upset me even though I am an adult now.
I didn’t worry about death so much when I was a kid because my mom always told me they go to heaven, and being little, I believed her, just like I believed in Santa. I’ll probably do the same thing to my kid, even if it may be wrong because I don’t believe it most of the time. She also told me that you live to be 100, and when your little, that seems like forever.
That’s disgusting what he did to the poor caterpillar.
Makes me cringe.
I’d have been LIVID. LIVID! That was pretty cruel.
It’s obvious that she is very upset about this whole thing. Why not let her talk about it and grieve about it in her own way? How would you feel had noone let you grieve about the love ones in your life that have gone? You would be frustrated and angry and feel like noone is listening. All she wants is someone to talk to and listen about it. She has to deal with the trauma on her own. No amount of play time is going to change what happened to that caterpillar in her mind. And trying to do so will just delay everything. She’s 3, not naive, trying to sugar coat things isn’t going to make things better. Kid’s understand alot more than you think. They have books that help explain death to little kids.
Your brother is a sociopath and needs psychiatric help IMMEDIATELY. Please, don’t wait a second longer.
Teresa, we did talk to her about it last night, at dinner, and again after dinner. And at bedtime. I just don’t want her to dwell on it *too* much, you know? I’m really angry and upset with my brother for what he did. Bad enough he killed the caterpillar (it makes me furious just thinking about it), but even worse to have done it in front of her, and then show it to her.
Esme, I don’t know whether your comment was sincere or an attempt to be dramalicious, but whichever, it doesn’t really matter because he is already IN therapy. Medication, psychologist, therapists at home and at school, the works.
It may sound corny but why don’t you let her have alittle funeral for the caterpillar so that she can say good bye? I guess I can understand not wanting her to dwell on it too much. But how do you know when too much is? A day? A week? There are different levels of grief for kids and adults. It’s never easy dealing with death, even with small things like animals/bugs. I’m sure pretty soon she’ll go through the stage where she steps on bugs because “they’re gross!” and then she’ll feel bad about killing the bugs.
But I’m sure that after the week she won’t remember the caterpillar because she’ll find something else to think about. I think that’s the great thing about being a kid, there’s always so much to do and think about that it’s hard to dwell on one thing too long.
Such a sad thing. I don’t remember if my brother had ever squished bugs and made me look or not. I’m assuming not. What a mean thing for your brother to have done. I myself would have been upset as well. Hopefully with all the ‘reamings’ he received will do him some good.
no offense, but i don’t like your brother! it seems like he is going to do anything for some attention. that poor caterpillar! did he even say why he did that? how would he like to be squished like that…so mean and unnecessary
Aw Jenn, that sucks. Poor Lissy.
(Ps. kudos to you for dealing with all sorts of stupidity-infested comments… I’d be too intolerant!)
I had to babysit for two kids once and there was a boy and his little sister. He squished this ladybug that she had carried around with her for like a whole day and got really upset, so I folded a paper box and then we buried it into the backyard, she got really into it and made a little marker for it with a popsicle stick. She’d been in tears because she thought that the ladybug’s parents wouldn’t be able to find her (the girl decided it was female) again. Maybe you could try the funeral idea, it might make Alyssa feel better that the caterpillar’s just not lying somewhere in your backyard.
I can’t believe that someone would do that though, it’s just malicious towards the caterpillar and towards your daughter. Especially when he knew that she’d made friends with it.
You didn’t elaborate that much about it with me. If he keeps this up, I *am* going to kill him one of these days.
I feel so sorry for Alyssa. She’s just like Sydney, she falls in love with and mothers every living or non living creature she finds. Had someone did that in front of my child she’d have thrown a screaming fit and told them how mean they were then told everyone about how the caterpillar went to live with Jesus.
And I’m not sure about everyone with opinions on the brother or how 3 year old children grieve. It’s different for all kids, but my child remembers things like this from when she was 1. Jenn was right about how she handled it. Although, if Alyssa is really bothered maybe she can say nice things about the caterpillar with Jenn, in place of a funeral. Or maybe she can draw a picture of him to remember him by, in happier times, not squishy. I can see teaching her to remember the nice things about stuff that has gone away and isn’t coming back, but frankly any in depth death talk is just too much. It’s not like it was her grandfather or grandmother or even her own cat she’s had in the house since birth.
Eventually, Alyssa is going to tell your brother to get bent or kick the crap out of him.
Hi Jenn,
It’s no doubt that what your brother did was wrong, you said it yourself. It’s always horrible when things like this happen to little kids. With poor Alyssa being only three, I can certainly understand you wanting to shield your child from even the concept of death. She should be happy and carefree!!
This is just something that came to mind and might sound a little corny, but I thought I’d say it anyway. I know it’s been a few days now and don’t know how Alyssa is feeling about the caterpillar at the moment, but she’s bound to come across them again. They make little sets for children (I’m not entirely sure where you can get them anymore) with caterpillars in them and they can watch them develop into butterflies and then let them go. They’re inexpensive, it could be a nice learning experience for Alyssa and then she could have the experience of setting her new butterflies free safely!
Just a thought!
:biggrin: