Yesterday, Ryan was officially diagnosed with autism.
I began to see a lot of signs last fall: poor eye contact, clumsiness, no attempt at communication, being with us but not with us, staring off into space, a lot of repetitive behavior including walking and wandering in circles, and head banging. The aimless wandering progressively got worse, as did the head banging. At his worst, Ryan would head bang for an hour or more before falling asleep at night. Many times he didn’t nap during the day: the entire duration of his nap would be spent slamming his head against the wall. He put cracks in the wall behind his bedroom door, an actual hole in the wall that his bed is against, and worse yet, developed a large bald spot on the back of his head (covered with careful hair cuts that require clever layering), and a fluid filled lump on his spine that has caused a callous to form on his back. With the exception of the head banging, I saw a lot of my youngest brother in Ryan. My brother was — and still is — a chronic rocker. Rocking chairs and recliners are his favorite places to rock himself to oblivion in.
In January, Ryan was evaluated to determine what exactly was going on, and what services would be needed. The evaluation lasted over four hours, and the results were that he scored extremely low on social emotional and communication, low on cognition, borderline low on adaptive, and below average on physical.
Since January, Ryan has had about three hours of services each week: a special instructor works with us on Mondays, and an occupational therapist works with us on Tuesdays. The past five months have been spent working with Ryan and trying to get him to find better ways to comfort and stimulate himself, getting him to play more, socialize more, look at us and listen to us.
There have been some improvements. He’s no longer rocking for hours during the day and for hours at night. At night, he does still rock, but most of the time it’s as little as fiften to twenty minutes before he’s out. He is making more eye contact. He is actually playing a little bit, rather than sitting on the sidelines, watching rather than participating.
It’s upsetting to know that Ryan is autistic. Knowing that he had a lot of delays and that there was a possibility of him being on the autistic spectrum was one thing, but actually knowing he is autistic is quite another. We have made a lot of progress in the past five months, but there’s still so much to do. He’s going to be two in a month, and he doesn’t talk. He understands a handful of simple, one and two word commands and requests (cup, eat, diaper, no, come here, go bye-bye, let’s go), but doesn’t communicate with us, aside from throwing temper tantrums and screeching in frustration because he can’t talk to us and let us know what he wants.
Each day is an exhausting guessing game of figuring out his wants and needs, directing him into specific activities, doing my best to communicate with him, and encouraging him to play with his toys and play with Alyssa, rather than wandering around aimlessly, getting immersed in repetitive behaviors (opening and shutting the fridge, cabinets, drawers, doors, washer and dryer, bathroom cabinets, toilet lids, cat litter box lid, etc.) and staring off into space while walking around or rocking against the couch.
We have changed our lives around and our everyday routines to accommodate Ryan’s needs. We didn’t take him to the zoo because Ryan has to be in constant motion. Rocking, swinging, moving. If we’re at a red light for more than five seconds, the rocking starts. If he’s in a shopping cart or in the stroller and I pause to look at something, check my shopping list, check out at the register, etc., he starts to flip out. He can’t handle a lot of visual or audio stimulation: he freaked out at the pool last Friday, because of all of the people and noise, and retreated to a back corner of the fenced in pool and surrounding area, where it was shady, quiet and isolated.
After we left the autism center yesterday (wonderful place, btw: they have specialists and doctors and psychologists and psychiatrists on staff, and we have lots of info to look over, and phone calls to make regarding setting up additional occupational therapy and speech therapy), we stopped at Perkin’s for lunch (speaking of restaurants, a few times now we’ve had to leave restaurants because there’s no way Ryan could handle the fifteen – thirty minute wait for a table without breaking down). After we had ordered, gotten our food and were starting to eat, and Ryan was gazing out the window at the passing cars, Dan started reading some of the paperwork the autism center gave us.
All along Dan has been vehemently denying that there was anything more going on with Ryan then a few minor delays. I’ve been able to see the writing on the wall since last fall. Time and again I see so many significant similarities between Ryan and my youngest brother, who is more the classic autistic child, and seeing how the therapists worked with him, and the way they have been talking to us during these last few months.
All along, Dan has had the hope that Ryan would catch up, there would be no more delays, he would be perfectly normal, and off we’d go. I admit to wishing for the same, but deep down I knew that these weren’t just “delays” that we we would work through, get the kinks out.
Hearing it from the staff and seeing it on paper was a little much for him. In the restaurant he started talking to me about why he’s so upset and worried about Ryan being autistic. It isn’t so much having an autistic child, or even the rough road ahead of us and how our lives will definitely be different from the lives of parents of “normal” children. It’s the social stigma attached to autistic children. He is really worried about how schools, teachers and other kids will treat Ryan because he’s autistic. He was looking at Ryan when he told me this, and his eyes were glistening, and his voice sounded tight, choked up. I broke down and cried there in the restaurant, for Dan and the obvious heartbreak and pain he was experiencing, and for Ryan. Poor Ryan. My sweet, lovely, adorable baby boy. He’s so happy. I hope that we can help him and do whatever we can to ensure that he is a happy child that can do anything he wants to, and that he isn’t held back by his autism, or by the opinions and judgments of others.
So what’s next? Well, we’ll continue to have the therapists come and work with him each week. We’re meeting with a psychologist next Tuesday afternoon to discuss “what’s next”. I know that one big focus is communication and speech: Ryan is so frustrated by not being able to speak, so we’re all going to come together and do what we can to help him. We love our baby boy, and we’ll do whatever it takes.
Related posts:60 Comments
, on June 6 2008 at 11:04pm:
This was such a well-written post, Jenn. Your little boy is so adorable and you just want what’s best for him. I can’t speak from personal experience, but have you discussed doing baby sign language? I read several blogs written by Moms with autistic kids, and they all seem to use some degree of sign with their kids.
I choked up at the part about you crying in the restaurant. My youngest son has ADD, and I remember telling his teacher at the beginning of the year that I was worried that he would get picked on. She told me that so many kids have varying degrees of autism and ADD now (and why is that exactly?) that no one gets picked on for needing something different. I doubt there will be as much social stigma at school as you are thinking there will be.
Big hugs, take a deep breath, let it out, okay, good. You are doing a great job!
, on June 6 2008 at 11:04pm:
Sorry to hear that, Jenn. I’m glad you’re getting him the help that he needs – good luck to all of you.
, on June 6 2008 at 11:04pm:
I visit your site often but have never commented before. This seemed like the right time. I’m sorry for this news about your son. :[ I have a second cousin who’s autistic and while that is far from the same thing, I can understand the constant guessing. It’s hard to adjust to reaching people in such different ways than we’re used to. I hope you all make it through it okay and know that people read your words and care.
, on June 6 2008 at 11:05pm:
oh jenn, i’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this stressful time. but at least now they have a definite diagnosis you will all be able to start taking steps to help ryan be able to have the best opportunities for him. it sounds like the support centre has a lot of really good information and help for you all as well.
have you thought about joining some communities online or otherwise for parents of autism spectrum children? i remember reading somewhere that there are a really large percentage of children diagnosed with some version of autism every year, not that it is more common but there is just more awareness about it. talking to people with older children in support communities may be beneficial, just to know someone who has been through all of this before and can offer advice.
ryan is a gorgeous precious boy, he’s healthy, and really there is no such thing as a ‘normal’ kid. he just perceives the world in a different way to some others. and maybe you will be able to find some alternative schooling options which will mean he is in a better environment than being singled out among a class of so-called ‘normal’ children. i’m sure the support centre will have lots of information for you about all those things.
i’m sending lots of love and good thoughts to you and your family <3
, on June 6 2008 at 11:05pm:
Jenn, I don’t really know what the right words are. “I’m sorry” isn’t adequate because it’s not a tragedy. I guess I’ll tell you about my godson, who more than likely has severe autism. He’s made tremendous stepping stones thanks to speech therapists, food therapists, and stuff like that. I know it’s overwhelming for you guys right now, but it can and will get better 
, on June 6 2008 at 11:07pm:
*big hug*
You know, now that you have the diagnosis, you can focus on the best way to help Ryan rather than be focused on getting the diagnosis itself. So, in that way, it’s a great thing to finally hear it.
, on June 6 2008 at 11:17pm:
Whoa, I saw your Twitter post about trying not to cry while blogging, and I immediately started hoping nothing had happened to Alyssa or Ryan.
I don’t know much about autism at all (reading this post has literally doubled my incredibly small amount of knowledge!) so obviously I can’t give you advice or anything, but I think it’s good that you’re connected with the autism center, where there are people who can help you, and that your family is able to deal with this as a group, and make sure that, as you said, Ryan isn’t held back through having autism.
As for the stigma attacked to having an autistic child, or being an autistic person, just remember that this hasn’t happened as a result of something you did, or didn’t do. It just happened, right? I don’t know what causes autism, but it’s certainly not somebody’s fault, least of all yours!
I hope the speech and communication therapy is helpful.
, on June 6 2008 at 11:21pm:
Sorry to hear about your son. Even though I only know you through online, I can see that you and your husband are good parents. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. :blush:
, on June 6 2008 at 11:30pm:
I want to reassure you that speech therapy works WONDERS. Honestly, it’ll make a huge difference. My brother couldn’t talk up until the age of 3, when he was put through speech therapy. He was in it for 3 or 4 years and is now 9 years old and can speak almost perfectly.
I’m sure Ryan’s time will come. He’s only 2, he has his whole life ahead of him and I don’t think that this illness will stop him from doing what he wants – it’ll just slow him down a bit.
, on June 6 2008 at 11:33pm:
There was a point where we thought my nephew Tyler was autistic. He wasn’t communicating, he was doing the rocking and head banging thing and staring off. As he got older, the signs started to fade. I wish that were the case for your little man too and I am truly sorry that it’s not.
That being said; I’m not sure if you keep up with all the latest with autism, but I’ve heard a lot of good things about Jenny McCarthy’s “Louder Than Words.” Not sure if you’ve heard of it, but here’s a link to it on Amazon;
http://www.amazon.com/Louder-Than-Words-Mothers-Journey/dp/0525950117
I wish your little man all the best, and like Allyson said.. at least now you know and can focus your energy on how you can help him (and yourself too) deal with it.
I know it’s not in anyway the same, but Tyler was eventually diagnosed with ADD/ADHD..despite all of the limitations that his doctors and therapist laid out (he wouldn’t do well in school, wouldn’t have much self control and so forth).. he’s proven to all of us that those limitations mean nothing. He had the top grade in his class when the school year ended, in fact, he was gold star honor roll. Though we’d always hoped he’d do well, none of us would’ve predicted how well he’d do. It may not prove much in the sense that his problems aren’t the same as Ryans.. but there are so many possibilities.. and so many new things out there, that really.. who knows!
Good luck Jenn, to ALL of you! *hug*
, on June 6 2008 at 11:44pm:
That’s really sad to hear. There was a kid when I was in school who had autism. He couldn’t handle a lot of noise and stuff too. The students knew this so they would purposely make a bunch of noise around him. I felt so bad for the poor boy. I hope Ryan doesn’t have to deal with that when he’s in school.
, on June 6 2008 at 11:48pm:
aaaw, wow. I am so sorry to hear that. My heart and prayers go out to you, your family, and Ryan. I know how you feel because my oldest daughter has ADHD which is a struggle as well and I am forever hearing about how my daughter acts. Just pray and look up to the lord Jenn and everything will ok.
, on June 6 2008 at 12:00am:
My 2-year-old nephew will not speak as well… he’ll say small stuff like “Keet” (Kate) and “Joh” (Joe) and “Bowler” (Boulder from Thomas the Tank Engine) but that’s massively an improvement as a result from speech therapy and he only started about a month or two ago? So I think, and have heard, that speech therapy does wonders.
, on June 6 2008 at 12:02am:
This post made me tear up. You and Dan are doing a great job with everything in regards to Ryan and I’ll keep you all in my thoughts
, on June 6 2008 at 12:03am:
Jenn, wow. I’m stunned. Earlier, I was wondering about you crying. I assumed it was because you weren’t going to be able to go to the rodeo.
I saw the title of your post and then saw the picture of Ryan and thought to myself “oh no”. I’m glad that you finally blogged about it, it’s the best thing to do. I can understand why you held it in for so long. Now that Ryan’s been diagnosed, you guys can work towards accommodating Ryan. It takes strong and determined parents to raise a child with special needs and I know that you and Daniel without a doubt will work hard to give Ryan the best. *HUG*
, on June 6 2008 at 12:03am:
Oh Jenn, I’m so sorry to hear that. I agree with you that KNOWING is so much better than the constant “what if”. So while I’m sorry for the struggle you all have to look forward to, I’m so glad that now you KNOW.
I know it will be a rough road but you are SUCH an amazing mother that I know Ryan will be SO WELL taken care of. I wish I could be there to give you a real hug and tell you that everything is going to be okay. Both you and Dan.
*hugs from across the country*
, on June 6 2008 at 12:24am:
This post made me cry, so I can not imagine what you and Dan are going through.
You and your family are in my thoughts. I hope that Ryan’s autism isn’t too severe and that he can learn to socialize with others.
I have a cousin who was diagnosed with autism when he was a baby, and other than being very shy, he turned out to be a very smart kid.
Jenn, You are a strong woman and I have no doubt that you and Dan will be able to get through the obstacles that life throws at you.
, on June 6 2008 at 12:38am:
Wow…I’m speechless. My heart just aches after reading this post. I’ve worked with autistic children while I was working in daycares awhile back. They can be very difficult to manage at times, but knowing that they are a gift from God and such a blessing, nothing else matters but seeing them find joy in all the small things. I hope nothing but the best for all of you.
, on June 6 2008 at 12:47am:
I wanted to find te perfect words to make your heartache less but I couldn’t. I just want to offer you my support and I know that you and Dan are great loving ,caring parents and that is what Ryan is going to need and all the love and patience you guys give him will help him . I have two friends whose child has Autism and I have seen the speech therapy work wonders. Both boys are very smart brilliant kids they just compute things differently than we do.
, on June 6 2008 at 1:14am:
Jenn, I’m so sorry to hear about Ryan. He is a beautiful child and I know, autistic or not, because you and Dan are his parents he will grow into a beautiful person.
Give him a big hug from me
, on June 6 2008 at 1:37am:
That entry must of been so hard for you to write, made me to start to cry half way through – yes me the girl who never crys!
I’m not going to say sorry, because Ryan is still Ryan…the most wonderful son that you always talk about
It’s good that you’ve caught it early, because now he can get the help he needs.
Speech therapy works wonders – me, my brother and my sister all had it. My brother couldn’t talk properly until he was 7, speech therapy is amazing.
My thoughts are with you and your family at this hard time, I’m sure you’ll get through it!
, on June 6 2008 at 2:14am:
How amazing of you and your family to be there for Ryan. Good luck through all of this. I know a loving and educated (on the subject) family can be the best for this situation. He is such an adorable little boy.
, on June 6 2008 at 3:01am:
I do not know really what to say…
Just that I am here as a professional if you have any questions, and as a friend, but I am sure the Autism center can easily answer them for you as any center dedicated to Autism would be more knowledgeable on the latest research, plus they know Ryan better than I do.
I have friends who work with children who are in the Autism spectrum. I also have extensive knowledge of autism though my previous years as working as a support teacher. I am going to school in September to get my certification/citation in Special Needs Education for Early Childhood Education. I work towards inclusion, and never once did I encounter any negative astigmatism from other parents, teachers, care aids, children etc….
I do have a few books that I know of that were written with individuals who have autism (their point of view) and their methods of therapy that they went though. They are really excellent reads.
Read up as much as you possibly can on the latest research. Just being in the know. Continue the speech, and occupational therapy, and any other forms of therapy that could prove beneficial towards Ryan’s development.
I guess I did know what you say ….
, on June 6 2008 at 4:19am:
The advances in working with and treating autism have come along sooooo much in recent years. Yes, there’ll be difficulties and challenges, but as others have said, it’s a different age now. I’ve worked professionally with disabled students for 15 years, including ASD and Autism, and much can be done – you’d be surprised at how successfully kiddies with autism can be successfully integrated into mainstream schooling.
Ultimately, all you can do is provide a safe, loving, comfortable home for your little man.
Good luck.
V.
, on June 6 2008 at 4:48am:
I don’t know what to say. Wow. I’m sorry for the whole family that you have to deal with this but I know you and Dan are fantastic parents and you’ll be fine. At least you now have the diagnosis and you know what the problem is. Good luck with everything and good luck to Ryan with his development.
, on June 6 2008 at 5:14am:
Ryan is so adorable! :cute: Sorry to hear about the autism, but I’m sure that with such lovely parents he will do just fine. Good luck with everything!
, on June 6 2008 at 5:19am:
Wow, that must’ve been such a hard thing to hear. I don’t really know what else to say than stay strong Jenn. I know you’re such a great parents to Ryan & Alyssa. My thoughts are with you and your family.
, on June 6 2008 at 7:19am:
i’m sorry Jenn. It must be hard to actually hear the news finally.
Just remember that Ryan is a great little kid. He may not be on the same mental level as most kids, but he’s got a great little personality, and Autism is certainly not going to affect that.
who knows, with the therapy he may be as normal as most children in a few years time.
*hugs*
, on June 6 2008 at 7:46am:
I had no idea you and Dan were going through such a difficult situation. Ryan seems like such a happy and healthy little boy. I know you will get through this and Ryan will be fine. My thoughts are with you.
I watched a really interesting Oprah that featured Jenny McCarthy who has a son with autism. Her son displayed a lot of the same issues that you mentioned with Ryan. However, she is actively working to “reverse” the signs of autism in her son and it has worked. She just wrote a book about it too. You should check it out.
, on June 6 2008 at 9:34am:
oh my gosh, i have no words. <3 i will keep you guys in my thoughts. keep us updated on his progress. if anyone can make it through something like this, it’s you guys <3.
, on June 6 2008 at 9:45am:
Wow, Jenn. I am so sorry, but I know that you will have the strength and love to do what is best for Ryan and he will grow up to be a wonderful person. I have a cousin that has autism also, I know the difficulty, but I also know that he is a sweet loveable boy that anyone would do anything for. Best of luck!
, on June 6 2008 at 9:48am:
I’ve been following your site for so long now, even before you were at this domain and I can remember back to before Ryan was born. I know you’re worried about the struggles Ryan will face in his future, but I really feel that with parents like you and Dan, and a sister like Alyssa, that he is going to do just fine. I’ve read a lot of the comments before mine and they just sound so negative to me. I think that the fact that you and Dan were given Ryan, with his challenges, speak volumes about the kind of family you are. You’ll be in my prayers, but I really believe that he is going to do just fine!
, on June 6 2008 at 12:11pm:
I agree with Dan and the whole social stigma of it all. Because as we all have read about Ryan for almost two years now we all think he’s a gorgeous and wonderful child and I hope that the teachers and adults in his life will do the same and try to stick some label on him.
A lady I met through adoption was talking to me about issues with foster kids one time and she told me that her brother is autistic. He’s also a genius and was finishing up his Masters at the time. She said some of the same things you said about Ryan, the constant motion, etc. She also said that having a strong set of siblings that understood him and were his support system made all the difference.
I feel for you and your family right now, but I know it’s all going to work out because you have experience with this and you can handle it.
, on June 6 2008 at 12:15pm:
P.S.
You also might want to check out Jenny McCarthy and the things she’s doing for Autism. I saw her on Chelsea Lately and she has some really good things to say. She’s a really strong advocate!
, on June 6 2008 at 1:12pm:
You are the ultimate parent! I know you’ll do what is best for him and love him unconditionally
, on June 6 2008 at 1:20pm:
It’s so wonderful that he (and you) has a diagnosis this early. With therapy and support (sounds like a wonderful organization you’ve found), who knows how far Ryan may get. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’d love to hear how he’s doing, in this aspect, from time to time.
, on June 6 2008 at 1:20pm:
I am so sorry to hear that Jenn. Matthew and I will be praying for him. Everytime I see him (expect for the last time I was there) he is always smiling and giggling. Makes me smile and laugh. I know its going to he hard, but you and dan are strong people and you will do just fine.
If you ever need to talk, im always here.
, on June 6 2008 at 3:29pm:
:cry: So sorry to hear about this Jenn. I hope all turns out for the best with everything.
, on June 6 2008 at 4:41pm:
I’m sorry and shocked to hear that. I know that together your family can pull through this, you seem to be a wonderful mother. I hope everything works out well and wish only the best for you and your family.
, on June 6 2008 at 5:09pm:
I’m really sad to hear that. I have a nephew who is autistic. Yes there is going to be a tough road ahead, but there is hope. You caught it early so he can get the stimulation and care that he needs. I’ll pray for you and Dan and your baby boy.
, on June 6 2008 at 5:43pm:
Jenn,
I was really moved by your post. I am going to be going to college in January to be an autism specialist. I have worked with kids of varying degrees of autism, verbal and nonverbal, and when you mentioned some of Ryan’s signs, i said, “I’ve seen that.”
You are doing all you can for your son, and you are doing fantastic.
Programs nowadays are a lot better than they were before; you will definitely see results. Maybe not in a week, a month, or even a year. But you WILL see results. And believe me, they are the biggest milestones ever.
I can understand where Dan is coming from too. I’ve seen it in parents. Sometimes you don’t want to believe, because you don’t want your kid to be labeled, and thus get picked on. But a lot of people are more accepting toward it now. Maybe not everyone, but I guarantee people will see how charming Ryan is and will fall in love with him. I’ve learned, it’s about the person, and not the label. Sure, it will be hard for your son, but I think this will make him stronger, and you stronger as adults and parents.
God bless you.
, on June 6 2008 at 6:42pm:
You are such a strong women. I have no doubt that you can handle all the obstacles thrown your way with Ryan. Having a child with special needs is not easy. But with the right support and everything else I’m sure he’ll be just fine. Atleast you saw the signs and realized from dealing with your younger brother that he was like him.
I also don’t think that he’ll have any problems in school. I think he’ll adjust well, schools now seem to cater to people better now than when I was growing up, and even when my brother was in Kindergarten. Good luck!
, on June 6 2008 at 7:17pm:
I wish you and your family the best. Ryan will pull through this like a trooper! I worked at our special needs school 2 years ago and was amazed at how many opportunities parents in your situation have to help their child succeed in every way, shape, and form. Good luck to you all. You’ll be in our thoughts & prayers.
, on June 6 2008 at 7:21pm:
My dear Jenn… God, I am so so sorry. I had no idea this had been happening. My thoughts and prayers go out to you! :blush:
, on June 6 2008 at 7:51pm:
i am so sorry. I am a daily visitor of your site, your lovely site about your life and family. I feel like I know you and your family. So I give you my words. Autism is a awful thing. I feel awful for you and your family to go though this. I hope everything and anything in your life will not be harmed by this.
Send Ryan my wishes. I almost kinda love him =)
, on June 6 2008 at 7:57pm:
You all have a rocky road ahead of you, but from what I’ve gathered over the past couple of months, you have a very solid family. Life won’t be easy, but you’ll pull through just fine. The important bit is, though the autism is there, undeniably, you can’t let it control your life. No, your life won’t be the same as parents of children without special needs — but you’ll still have a life you can enjoy to the fullest. That Ryan can enjoy to the fullest.
Be there, support him. Schools cater well to the needs of special children these days. Yes, there is the stigmatization, but I say to Hell with people and their superficial, narrow views on how things should be. You’re a strong family unit, you, your husband, and your kids, and with your help, Ryan will grow into a strong man, untouchable by whoever would choose to brand him because of his autism.
*hugs* My best wishes to all of your family.
, on June 6 2008 at 8:05pm:
that sad i am sorry to hear that : ( i so want to stop jasmine from geting her soite but just wont let me my son had never gotn anyof his boster or anyshots and he is fine 
tho cps was at my hoses when i had him all the time b/c i refused them but he is with my mom now gald that she is stickign to what i wanted and she can better handle the cps than me i was going cray ove rit
, on June 6 2008 at 9:38pm:
Jenn,
I am so sorry. I have a cousin with autism (his mom writes here: http://kimskrazykorner.com/). She just started but maybe you can get some comfort in what is working for her son.
The good thing is that because it was caught early that he can get into therapy early too.
If you ever need anything, you need to let us all know!
, on June 6 2008 at 2:34am:
I know this news must be hard, but like others have commented, at least now you have a diagnosis, and can start working toward making things better for Ryan. I remember back when you blogged about him rocking and staring off into space. Since I hadn’t read anything else about it, I assumed it was just a phase and that he had stopped doing it.
I don’t know much about autism, but one of my ex’s cousins is autistic. From what I heard he wasn’t too far behind academically, but was below average socially. I remember him being very obsessive and emotional about things. He was making good progress though because he had people working with him like I am sure the autism center will with Ryan.
You and Dan are excellent parents…I would be willing to bet a lot of parents would see those actions you described Ryan performing as just things their child does, and thinking that they have no real significance to their development. Kudos to you two for getting him evaluated. I may not be an easy road ahead, but I am sure you two will be able to make it though it!
, on June 6 2008 at 10:39am:
You guys did the best thing possible as it’s proven that early intervention provides the best outcome.
I know it’s hard, doing everything you possibly can each day and patiently waiting as the days go by, wondering what the outcome will someday be. I spent months and months worrying like this after my daughter was born, with all of the problems she had as a result from suffering a stroke in utero.
It’s tough dealing with the anticipation of wondering how your child will progress, how “normal” they will be. It’s a natural feeling, you only want the best for them.
Believe me though when I say, it will get easier on your emotions and it WON’T mean that you care any less. You’ll grow accustomed to the everyday grind and before you know it, you’ll “forget” about his diagnosis and just see it as it is – a child who needs just a little more help than others.
What I mean by forget is that it won’t be screaming through your head as often as it may be right now. For about the first year, all that went through my head was things like “Omfg! Part of her brain is dead! Wtf! She had a stroke! A stroke! What if she can’t talk? Walk? Write? Jump? What if????”
I’m not exactly too familiar with how Autism works in neurology, but the one thing I did learn after my daughters diagnosis is that the brains of infants/toddlers are extremely pliable. They adapt to changes extremely well as compared to older children, teenagers and adults.
I wish you guys the best of luck and, I know there have been some rough spots during the past few years here online in this little community between myself and you and some others, but if you ever do need to talk or vent or anything of the such, feel free to gmail me.
, on June 6 2008 at 2:50pm:
I often read your blog, but never comment. This post hits very close to home for me. I work with special needs children, and one of the biggest hurdles is for parents to come to terms with a diagnosis and seek help. Sadly, most of the families I’ve worked with in the past did not take such a positive approach as you are. Many families just…give up on the child, and don’t do much to help him/her. It’s wonderful to see someone taking the approach that you are, and knowing that, I have no doubt that Ryan will progress wonderfully.
, on June 6 2008 at 2:52pm:
I won’t lie, this made me cry. I’m really sorry. At least you caught this early and have been working with him. Things may be hard, but they will get better. *hug*
, on June 6 2008 at 10:40am:
Hello Jenn,
I rarely comment on your site but I read it very often.
I was very emotional when I read your post, because my little sister was diagnosed with autism too. Until the age of 3 years old, she never spoke, not even the word “Mama”. To be understood, she showed us things and made noises, and cried a lot when we did not understand what she said. It was very difficult to get her attention, and it was often as i we spoke to a wall: she showed no sign of having heard what we had said. She had a lot of toys she never played with, and could spend hours doing absolutely nothing, lost in her own world.
My mum always fought to make sure she would have a normal life, doing normal stuff, going to school like the other children. The other children didn’t bully her or anything. It was the contrary: they really caught her interest, and helped her socialize. Going to school was a very good thing for her.
Now she is almost 6 years old; she has had speech therapy, and can speak really well. She even has got a vocabulary richer than some children of her age. She has no trouble following at school, despite the fact that she still has some trouble having a long attention period. She plays with her friends and with my younger sister (something she never did before, usually she only tried to bite her), and I was even able to bring her to the cinema, where she behaved perfectly.
I just wanted to give you this message of hope. Of course it is not going to be easy, you will have to constantly face challenges, you will feel frustration, sadness. But autism is not a fatality, and Ryan can live a normal life, have a successful education and be happy.
The advice i could give you, is never to give up on anything. And remember that you don’t have to carry it all on your shoulders: each person of your family, your husband, your mother, even your brothers and small Alyssa can help you and Ryan.
Thank you for reading this.
, on June 6 2008 at 1:33am:
Jenn, I’m so sorry to be reading this. I didn’t realize how much you guys have been dealing with this year. I’ve specialized in working with autistic young kids and I know how hard it is to deal with this diagnosis. It’s very tough. I know you and Dan are the best out there to deal with it, and you will do it with love and care, and everything that Ryan deserves. I know he will get the best care. There is much potential for growth for autistic children, especially ones who have been diagnosed at such a young age. He will grow to his fullest potential because he has loving parents like you two.
It looks like you’ve noticed a lot of what needs to be done already, so I’m confident that you will continue to do what you need to for his sake.
(Just a note of what I’ve noticed from my experience working with autistic kids and youths… the stigma that you may be concerned about for Ryan — he may not even pick up on it. Many autistic kids, because of the diagnosis, are oblivious about what others think of them, and therefore they could care less. Because they’re so socially behind, they don’t generally pick up on the stigma and the negative cues from their environments. It doesn’t affect them how they are treated as much as it affects those who love him. Take care of yourselves, okay?)
, on June 6 2008 at 7:06am:
Awe! Everything will certainly be ok. I cannot sit here and lie to you and tell you that I understand, because I dont..however, I certainly sympathize and empathize with you to the best of my ability but I do believe and feel in my heart that you guys will be ok…your children are very loved and cared for children and I know that you and Dan have more than enough love, care and attention that little Ryan will need.
I am a firm believer that God..or WHATEVER or WHOMEVER you believe in, even if you just believe in the natural order of things…will never put anything on your shoulders (or Ryans shoulders) that you guys (and he) will not be able to carry. It might be heavy…but keep on carrying it because you can certainly do it, you are certainly strong enough.
You guys will be in my thoughts and prayers!
<33333Leslie
, on June 6 2008 at 9:18pm:
If there’s ever two parents who can deal with this situation, it’s you and Dan.
I remember that there was a boy in my younger brother’s year at school with mild autism and instead of being the bully victim, he had the largest group of friends because everybody looked out for him and stood up for his quirky habits if anybody made a big deal out of him.
With love and therapy who knows what the outcome of his diagnosis will be? I’m sure there will be ups and downs in the future but Ryan’s still the gorgeous little boy that I read so much about
As the domain name suggests, my name is Jenn, and I own this blog. I'm 26 years old and married to my one true ♥, Daniel. And while I have two kids (Alyssa is five, and Ryan is three), you won't find "mommy" in my username or email address, nor does my blog revolve around them. I'm a mother, but most importantly I am me, with a passion for love, blogging, reading, and photography. I'm also a busy freelance writer, web designer & SEO goddess, and a blogger relations person for an adult toy company.
I don’t know what to say. so I’ll just tell you are doing all you can for your son. Ryan, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.