Personally, parents who simply move things out of children’s reach are disabling them. If they think they can touch everything they see because you only leave out things they can touch, like you said, they won’t understand boundaries, personal items, and personal space. They won’t get the concept of privacy. My mother has a baby just a little younger than Ryan (talk about a gap… I’m 19 and my sister isn’t even two yet), and as she works from home (or anywhere, for that matter), she has lots of sensitive stuff lying around that my sister could get into, but my mother has taught her from an early age where HER stuff is, and that those are the only things she can play with, and that’s THAT.

I wish some parents would see that because doing something makes their life easier NOW, it’ll just make their lives harder in the long run.

I wrote about toddlers and Christmas trees a couple of days ago. I’m totally with you about not “baby-proofing” your house. We obviously put the dangerous stuff out of reach but everything else stayed where it belongs and we taught the kids what they were allowed to touch and what they weren’t allowed. Common sense, if you ask me.

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I totally agree. How the hell can you ever teach them if they’re never given the opportunity?! Not to mention, how sad to take some of the magic away from the holiday. Ever seen an 18 month old “Ooh” & “Ahh” over a gorgeously lit & decorated tree? Priceless!

Agreed, if you don’t give them the chance then you’ll never have the chance to teach. And what about when you take them out? You can’t remove all trees from the world just because of your child.

My first year with Sydney I was having a bad say and chatting with my adoptive mom group. We were a small group and I was just complaining that I had A,B, and C going on and then Sydney pulled my cup of OJ off onto the carpet, a large cup at that. I had one mom jump all over me telling me if she hadn’t had the cup sitting around she’d have never had the chance to do it and I should not be upset.

It’s not like I beat her. It added to my stress level that day is all. So I bit and asked the mom what she would have done, etc. She thought she’d school me in parenting and admitted that she never sat anything like a drink around at all it always was on top of the fridge or somewhere the child could not reach, she also said the minute her children walked in the door from the hospital or airplane she took every single item that could be problematic and put it away.

She actually told me I was a bad mother and that I was adding temptation to the child and then stress when I told her no. I told her to get bent.

TOTALLY AGREE. I can’t stand that either.

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You can’t left safety run your life. It’s a straight road to extreme hermit lifestyle where your fear of danger doesn’t let you live. There are exceptions and boundaries, but yeah, I agree.

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I agree. My parents never babyproofed the house when I was a baby. They never put those locks on the cupboards or anything like that, not even when I could get into cleaning supplies because there was just always someone there to watch me. I mean, I would move choking hazards out the way if they’re still at the age where they put everything into their mouths, but going as far as completely catering to a baby? I wouldn’t do that, that’d be way too stressful.

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I completely and 100% agree with you. My nephew is a beast, I love him to death, but he is a beast.. and why? Because his parents have done exactly what this post is about. Instead of teaching him NO, they literally do not put ornaments on the bottom half of the tree. There’s a lot more to him being a beast, but this is part of it.. they claim it’s just because he’s a kid, he wont understand, but magically millions of other kids not to touch something, they take the easy way out and just don’t put them there. it aggrivates me to death!!

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I completely agree with you. I can’t imagine having children and then moving EVERYTHING out of their reach that they could get into, you would probably be left with having to keep your child in one room with nothing in it.

As for not having a tree because of pets…I’m guilty of that. In my defense though I have 6 cats (yeah I’m a crazy cat lady) and nobody is home during the day with them. They completely destroyed a tree when we had one before. It was a live tree though so maybe that has something to do with it? If I was a parent though I would definitely find a way to keep a tree up!

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I agree with you 120%!!!! I know someone who does the same and doesn’t put out things because of their children. HA. My Mom will tell anyone ANY day that YEP those pretty knick knack’s shes had for many, many years and she used to babysit for a living and a handful of people are always amazed that she still has EVERY SINGLE knick knack after having delt with lots of children but that’s the power and pay off for TEACHING a child yes and no to things that are or aren’t theirs.

“Kids aren’t dumb. They want to please their parents, they want to be good, so eventually, they will listen.”

What about kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder or Conduct Disorder? That’s the only time I would agree with you. Those children aren’t easily taught, they actively engage in breaking the rules.

I think for the first time I may disagree. Sorta. I understand exactly what you’re saying. At the moment however we haven’t been able to figure out what our daughter will listen to in terms of discipline. She’s 16 months and a masochist it seems. We say no,no,no and lead her away from things or take whatever it is away. If its something really bad like – breaking leaves off a plant to eat them, we will slap her hand and say no,no,no. But she finds it hilarious. She will do things to get us to react that way. The attention and all that. Lord knows she gets tons of attention 24/7..but she loves being chased, so she’ll do bad things to get us to do so. She also loves water. In toilets. Up until now we’ve been trying to break her of it, but yesterday I bought some closure things that will keep them closed. We’re trying. Honest! Its just not clicking. I refuse to slap her hands hard enough that she’ll cry. It stings just enough to get the point across, but I can’t do the other one. Not yet. She’s so little She learns things fast so its ..odd. Like she goes behind the big tv and her dad freaks out over that..and yells at her and pulls her out. Yesterday I just watched her. Eventually she came out on her own. But it was hair raising to see her pulling on cords etc., at the back of the tv. I just figured if I didn’t react so much like her father did, that maybe she would not do it because she wasnt getting my attention from it. I think it worked – sorta. Then her dad broke that because she did it again when he was here and he freaked out again before I could tell him not to. So there she was laughing again. -sigh- We’re still putting up a tree. I’m not worried about it really. Never even crossed my mind not to do it. And it will be in a room she has access to as well. So we’ll see.
I guess my point is – accidents happen. As such I will baby proof things that I don’t want damaged until she can learn, and we can learn how to teach her, not to touch things.

I completely agree, there are certain boundaries that never be crossed and its the duty of parents to teach their child about those boundaries. Thanks for such important article Jenn!

I agree with you completely, Jenn.

Ethan is 2 years old and we have had our Christmas tree up for a couple of weeks now. At first he wanted to play with it, but after a week or so it became old news. He got used to it being there and us steering him clear of tugging at the limbs.

Although I don’t currently have children (and so can’t form an opinion based on experience), I do agree with you. If you don’t teach children at a young age that there are just certain things they cannot touch or play with, you’ll spend the rest of your life scolding them and trying to teach them when they are faced with those boundaries later in life (get what I’m saying?).

As far as animals, though, I think it really depends. Now that we have 2 dogs over 50 lbs that love to rough house and run from one end of the house to the other, it doesn’t make sense to have a tree and ornaments that would inevitably get knocked over and ruined at least on a daily basis. The dogs frequently shift our mattress off the box spring when they’re playing; that I can deal with, no problem. Afterall, we’re the ones that decided to have these big dogs! But a big tree for just Tom and I with dogs that would knock it down? We’ll wait for kids with that! For now, I’m content with our little four foot tree that sits on our side table
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Kids won’t learn a thing unless they learn what “NO” means. If they’re never told what to do/what not to do, nor given a chance to learn these things by simply not giving them a chance to, they will be confused when some other authority figure tells them not to do something – voila! Problem child.

Seriously, why do mothers think their kids have to be raised in cotton wool until they’re adults? Then tossed into the world to develop whatever mental illness they happen to cross paths with because their brain can’t handle the new responsibilities and restrictions.

Plus “parental supervision”, from personal observations, doesn’t seem to be in most parents’ vocabulary… and that’s SAD.

^ same goes for pets, by the way.

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have no idea how much I agree!
I still don’t understand why people don’t put up christmas trees because of kids. Every year on christmas my mother has always done this beautiful tree with a very beautiful little town next to the tree and never in my life has she stopped doing it because either of us (my brothers and I). And it wasn’t because we instinctly knew NOT to touch anything, but because my mother taught us not to.

We debated back and forth about the Christmas tree issue this year. We don’t have kids but we DO have a 9 month old puppy right in the middle of the worst part of his chewing phase, and he’s a beagle with a nose for getting into things (literally).

Joe didn’t want a Christmas tree because Jack would either a.) chew on it, b.) hit it with his tail, c.) play with it, d.) break old ornaments, etc etc. But you know, it took a few stern “NO”s, and “BOTTLE”s (we use a water bottle to discipline him some times… spray him in the face once when he’s doing something bad) and it works WONDERS.

He’s not even interested in the tree anymore. Now that there is nothing fun in his reach, its pretty boring to him, haha. Doesn’t even acknowledge that its there anymore.

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I agree with you to an extent. I think that the discipline comes with age.

I have an 18 month old and my tree is up but the bottom half is naked. My son likes shiny things and to put up sparkly decorations was just too tempting for him. So far it seems that putting them up high has solved the problem. I am just waiting for the day when he discovers that he can climb the tree.
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I’m curious, though. Being a mother of 2 boys that were toddlers at the same time.. I know you can’t keep an eye on them all the time. Especially if there’s more than one. And my neighbor’s kid who is 20 mos comes over and is constantly moving and grabbing stuff…

How do you give your children constant supervision when you’re blogging? When you’re doing the dishes? Etc..?

I agree that not putting up a Christmas tree and destroying a tradition for, not just you, but your children, is a big mistake. But you can’t be on your children 100% of the time. Can you?

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