The other evening my mom stopped by after a doctor’s appointment. She started crying before she even made it inside the house. When I asked her what was wrong, she informed me that her doctor is really worried about the diabetic ulcer that’s on her foot. She’s had it for close to a year, never bothered to seek treatment for it until last May, and then didn’t even bother going back to the specialist after a few appointments. Its diameter was about the size of a dime, but has now progressed to being larger than a nickel. It never used to bother her (she has neuropathy, so she doesn’t feel a lot of sensations in her hands and feet), but now it’s hurting, and her entire foot is swollen and red, and she’s running a low-grade fever.
Anyway, because of the size increase, the constant discharge and the pain my mother is experiencing, her doctor is afraid it has spread to the bone and infected it, in which case the only course of treatment is amputation.
I feel really bad for her, and I told her to call the specialist right away to get the special x-rays done to determine the extent of the infection, and to not put things off any longer. She tried to say that because of the boys and all the upset and not having her car working she put off the appointments. Oh really? That lame excuse might cover mid-September until now, but what about last year, last WINTER and SPRING, when she ignored it? Her mini-van didn’t break down until right before my birthday in June, and she had my car at her disposal for EIGHT WEEKS.
I can’t help but feel that she brought a lot of this on herself, by not taking care of it right away. As soon as she noticed that the wound wasn’t healing, she should have gone to the doctor, instead of procrastinating for MONTHS. And then blowing off the follow-up appointments the specialist set for her to continue treating the wound. At the time (May-June), he was very optimistic that continued treatment of the wound on a weekly/bi-weekly basis would clear it up.
But, here we are, and she’s facing possible amputation, and most likely not long after the new year. The original plan was that she would go into a nursing home for healing and rehabilitation, and I would keep her dog here and check on the cats (she has three) every day or every other day. Now she’s wanting to stay here, with us. I… I don’t think I can handle that. I’m already pretty stretched, with Alyssa, Ryan, Ryan’s therapies and general every day needs, work, and general house stuff. Adding in an extra dog (one that isn’t even anywhere NEAR being housebroken, grr) and running to my mom’s house every 1-2 days would be pushing it. Being HER nurse on top of all that? I don’t think I can do it. I honestly don’t think I can. She’s trying to say I can, it would be better, blah blah blah, but I don’t think so. There are only so many hours in a day, you know?
Anyway, besides more Mom drama (what else is new?), I completed and sent back by affidavit to IZEA yesterday afternoon. They’re going to be Fed-Exing the gift card on Monday! I hinted in my email back to them that I wouldn’t mind a rush delivery in time for Christmas. 
We’ll see. Dan is ridiculously excited, as am I. I need to get my youngest brother a birthday present (he turns 11 on the 29th), we still need to pick up Guitar Hero 3 (Wii) for Dan’s sisters, and I could go for some new bath towels, and maybe night stands for our bedroom. Of course, I’m sure we’ll also spend part of the card on household stuff — stock up on toilet paper, paper towels, detergents and the like.
On the girly-matters front, my period is still AWOL. Eleven days late now. I know that stress is often a common cause for late periods, but to be honest with you stress has never affected my cycles before. My grandmother dying right before Christmas in 2004, Dan’s father dying in February of 2005, my mom’s carpal tunnel surgeries, totaling our car in July 2005, my grandfather going into the hospital for a heart attack and stroke in August of 2005, Dan’s grandmother dying in February of 2007, being evicted and having to move in March of 2007, my grandfather in the hospital again in August of 2007, the boys living with us and the resulting emotional and financial stress in October and November of 2007, some financial issues in January and February of 2008, the entire mess with my mother flipping me out over the whole summer, the boys being taken by CPS in the fall… all these events have been very stressful for me, pushed me to the brink and then some, resulted in being physically ill, stressed, not sleeping, breaking down crying, everything else, yet I’ve never once been even a day late on my period.
And here I am now… gah. I’m not going to bother calling the doctor this week, because I know they’re going to be booked until after the holidays. But come January 2nd, if my period still hasn’t arrived, I’m going in for blood work and an ultrasound. I need to KNOW.
Wow, this blog entry is really long. Kudos to anyone who is still reading! Let’s see… today is Sunday. Geez, time flies. I can’t believe Christmas is just around the corner! Alyssa is starting to get really excited. Both her and Ryan are great with the Christmas tree, and the loads of presents that are exploding from beneath it. The cats, on the other hand… well, I shouldn’t bitch too much. Despite them hopping around behind the tree and stomping all over a few of the presents, all of the wrapping paper is still intact! We have bows and ribbons, but I learned my lesson last year, and won’t bother to stick those on until the night before Christmas. Last year, I finally had to staple the bows on, because the cats kept pulling them off and batting them around!
Okay, I think I’m done blogging for now. I need to finish up with upgrading Lavish. Then I have some more baking to do, and dinner to get started. Jason is coming over tonight, and we’re going to be exchanging Christmas presents. *squeal* I can’t wait! :biggrin:
Related posts:18 Comments
, on December 12 2008 at 2:37pm:
Jenn, your saying “I don’t think I can do it. I honestly don’t think I can.” is an understatement. You WON’T be able to handle it. You’ll end up possibly fighting with Dan more over your mother’s issues AND end up having a major meltdown on your part. Be firm with your mom & let her know that the temporary housing with the nursing home WILL be her only option. Stand your ground and tell her what’s what plus have Dan totally side with you when you tell her. I don’t want to see you spiral downwards into a puddle of absolute mush for your mom’s irresponsibleness. <— is that even a word? Best of luck =)
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, on December 12 2008 at 2:39pm:
I would still suggest getting a digital pregnancy test. They’re a bit more expensive but much more reliable. Then at least you could be a bit more certain.
As far as your mom goes, that’s horrible 
Hopefully the infection hasn’t spread too far. If I were you, though, I would definitely put my foot down with a firm and absolute no that she can not stay with you. Like you said, that would be way too much to pile on top of all the stuff you already have to deal with.
Ugh, so much crap to be going through right before Christmas. *hug*
, on December 12 2008 at 3:04pm:
I’m so sorry to hear this! I know it’s probably terrible not to apply to her wishes, but you have to take care of yourself first and foremost. I hope it’s not as bad as it sounds, but if it is, I wish both her and you the best of luck!
, on December 12 2008 at 3:11pm:
I’m really sorry to hear about your Mom. Hopefully she won’t need any type of surgery. I hope all works out ok.
Last year my son was constrantly trying to take ornaments off the tree. This year he hasn’t touched it. But the kittens nearly knocked it over the night we put it up. Now we have the room the tree is in closed off to just the kittens. I’m afraid of what will happen if they manage to knock it over while it’s still plugged in while we’re all asleep. Better to be safe than sorry.
I still don’t know how you can go this long not knowing if you’re pregnant or not. It would drive me nuts. I would have to know NOW. You’re obviously more patient than I am lol.
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, on December 12 2008 at 4:29pm:
She’s asking an awful lot from you Jenn.Personally from a stranger who only reads a blog I think that you have more than enough on your plate as is.
I don’t know-yes she is your Mother but that is the point she is the Mother.I don’t think it’s fair of her to expect you to coming running at every real or imagined drama that she has in her life.
I think you need to put your own family first-namely your husband and your kids.From what I’ve read she doesn’t warrant the kind of help from you,seriously-Has she put her life on constant hold for you? Would she?
As for the missing period- you know yourself ,take it easy over the holidays ,just incase..Enjoy the windfall and enjoy spending the time RELAXING with your family :cynical:
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, on December 12 2008 at 4:53pm:
Oh my goodness I am so sorry to hear about your mother. It seems like your family just cannot have a streak of good luck lately. I am so sorry. I really hope that seeing a specialist will bring up other options.
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, on December 12 2008 at 4:58pm:
Dittoing what Angela said, you SHOULD NOT HAVE TO DO IT!!! You can’t do it all woman. I know you feel a certain amount of need to help out with all this, but honestly how can you? I hope she doesn’t lose it, but really what you said, she had every chance to take care of it. If you are diabetic you don’t let it go.
Now, with that said they kept telling my step mom she was going to have an amputation and the infection did spread to the bone. She did a years worth of antibiotic with in home health care and a pic line and saw an even better specialist than what we have in our town and it worked out. She has pain in the bone, but kept her foot. So MAKE your mom get right into the specialist and even get a second opinion before she just gives up and lets it happen.
Your mom seems like a nice person, but she does seem like the type to just give up on things. ESPECIALLY If you’ll take the initiative to do all the work for her.
, on December 12 2008 at 7:24pm:
I hope you don’t end up having to take care of everything for your mom… I mean, while it’s good to help her out and everything when she needs it, I have been reading your blog for a while and I think she’d just take advantage of you and your family, even if she’s not consciously aware that she’s doing it.
That being said, that’s kind of a cute mental image that I get when I read about your cats batting bows off of the presents. 
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, on December 12 2008 at 8:55pm:
Sorry to hear about your mom. However, you need to put your foot down and tell her flat out that she will not be staying with you. You have enough going on in your life and do not need the added stress of being your mother’s care taker.
, on December 12 2008 at 9:44pm:
I don’t know, is the whole “refusing to see a doctor” thing something the generations of our parents just do? My Dad pulled the same shit and almost died as a consequence – and he’s a doctor, he knew exactly what was wrong with him. I was so f’in mad at him.
, on December 12 2008 at 10:23pm:
For some reason, I feel like you and your mother have your roles reversed: you’re the responsible, level-headed adult, and she’s the child. She needs to realize that she is responsible for her own actions, and honestly, it was her fault she didn’t go to the follow-up appointments in the first place. Now, I’m not saying she DESERVES to have something amputated–no one does, ever, because it’s a painful process emotionally and physically–but she needs to accept that she partially brought this upon herself and she can’t really expect you to just drop everything and welcome her into your home with open arms when you have problems of your own.
So 100% put your foot down and say, “NO.”
, on December 12 2008 at 6:20am:
Also, you could just put it to your mum like this: She’ll be much better looked after in a facility where there are professional nursing staff with specific training who will know how to give her the best care. It sounds like she’s maybe afraid of going to stay in the hospital, but really it’s better to be where she can get the best care and attention. I hope it will work out okay for her! I’ve never understood putting off seeing the dr. about those sort of things… my parents are the same, maybe it’s just their generation?
And yeah, how is it like two days until Christmas? o.O I hope you and your family have a great time and you all get lots of nice presents!
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, on December 12 2008 at 8:53am:
Sorry about your mom. Both my mom and dad have diabetes and whenever their feet are swollen, I tell them to elevate them! Do they listen? No. I hope everything goes well with your mom.
As far as your period, I hope you get it if you want it and if you don’t want it, I hope you don’t get it. Heh.
I can’t believe how fast Christmas came this year! Hope you have a good one.
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, on December 12 2008 at 12:00pm:
I have been dealing with an ulcer on my ankle for the past nine months. Mine was caused by an atv accident but it’s oddly just like an ulcer that a diabetic would have.
It was very very deep and about the size of an orange when it first happened.
Wounds have to be taken very seriously but I can understand the procrastination your mother had. It’s very scary and you sometimes think if you ignore it will go away. I’ve been seeing a wound care specialist for the past 7 months. I go ONCE A WEEK and have been for the past seven months.
It being so small I hope she does not have to lose her foot. If the infection has not gone to the bone she should be able to heal up but she HAS to go.
They have wonderful numbing medicine these days! haha
, on December 12 2008 at 1:30pm:
That sucks about your mom. Yes, she brought it upon herself, and you shouldn’t have to be burdened by her because of it. You need to put your foot down on this one, there’s no possible way she’d be able to stay with you and things would stay relatively sane.
As for the period thing, I once had my period show up a month and a half late for no apparent reason at all. I was house-sitting for a friend’s family (and it was no added stress because I was close to her family and it was like my home away from home anyway) and I was still a virgin at the time, so I knew it couldn’t be pregnancy. I also don’t have any eating disorders or did anything else that could cause it to be irregular (it had been pretty regular up until that one time, and was irregular ever since until I went on birth control).
, on December 12 2008 at 7:55pm:
With everything you seem to have on your plate, taking on your Mom would probably stretch you beyond your limit. I can understand your Mom wanting to be with family during her recovery, but she doesn’t seem to be thinking about you and your mental health in the process.
I hope you do what’s right for you. It’s a horrible time of year to have to deal with all of this. Coming from someone who’s also gone through a rough 2008, I can sympathise.
Good luck.
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, on December 12 2008 at 8:15pm:
How old is your mother? Where I work, there’s Senior Citizen vans that can pick people up and take them to their appointments. Maybe she should look into that (or a taxi).
As the domain name suggests, my name is Jenn, and I own this blog. I'm 26 years old and married to my one true ♥, Daniel. And while I have two kids (Alyssa is five, and Ryan is three), you won't find "mommy" in my username or email address, nor does my blog revolve around them. I'm a mother, but most importantly I am me, with a passion for love, blogging, reading, and photography. I'm also a busy freelance writer, web designer & SEO goddess, and a blogger relations person for an adult toy company.
Wow, too bad about your mom.. But I do agree, she should have gone in right away. I don’t understand how people can let things like that slide. If I notice something off about my health, I immediately go in because all I do is worry about it otherwise.
And about her staying with you? Sounds like it’d be a huge mess. There’s no reason she can’t go to the nursing home like originally planned.
Congrats again on the Kmart gift card!
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