Currently Ryan is doing his sleepy rock against the side of his bed. I don’t know what happened, but it’s like something snapped, and for the past eight weeks or so he has been BAD with the rocking. The other night I just wanted to cry when I realized I woke up to him rocking and went to sleep with him rocking. He started by 8:30am that morning, did it for most of his nap time, and spent a few hours doing it before bed. The callous on his spine is back with a vengeance and is bright red from the friction and pressure, and he is now sporting two bald spots on the back of his head. Then there’s his generally whiny disposition, since he’s so tired from not getting the sleep that he needs. Is it wrong of me to be half-tempted to drug him into a stupor? I never would, of course, and you’ll have to forgive me for saying such a horrible thing, but after weeks of being tired, tired of listening to/feeling him rock and tired of BEING tired because I’m woken up and kept up by it, I think I can be excused.
It looks like Sunday nights, Tuesday nights and Thursday nights are going to be the sucky ones, since I get to deal with his rocking, be kept up while he’s doing it (it’s past 2am and I really am honestly ready for bed. I have been ready for bed for several hours!), then crash into bed for four to six hours, then back out to get Alyssa up and dropped off at preschool, and then back home… just in time for Ryan to start in again.
I want to cry sometimes, from how bad it sucks dealing with this day in, day out, day after day, week after week. We passed the year mark, you know. Our one year anniversary of Ryan rocking against the furniture and the walls was back in October sometime.
And sometimes, I do cry. I break down to Dan, but most often I break down alone. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I’ll sit out here in the living room or in our bedroom and cry, as I listen to his head hitting the wall and his walls and other parts of our house rattling away.
Short of strapping him down to his bed, like they do to out of control mental patients, we have tried everything. And I mean everything. We’ve tried so much that I’m pretty listless and indifferent and exhausted and burnt out from the therapists and their suggestions, because NOTHING WORKS.
Ah, there he goes full force. It was quiet, but now he’s really slamming away.
*sigh*
Have you tried a rocking chair?? Or if he’s like my 11 month old son a car ride does the trick every time.
Awh, I totally feel for you. There really is nothing I can think of that obviously your OT who is working with you and Ryan would not already think up. Perhaps a helmet, wearing a toque to bed – but then he would pull it off. I’m stuck as well on ideas.
Curious question: What form of therapy are you doing with Ryan? RDI (Relationship Development Intervention), ABA (applied behavior analysis), Diet, Other, Etc… Just curious as I am currently doing research on the various forms of treatment, and all families have their own values and beliefs about these sorts of things. Your sort of the closest person I know who I think would be comfortable talking to me about this sort of thing.
Oh, that sounds awful. It sounds like all you can do is cross your fingers and hope he grows out of it.
Wow that’s hard to deal with. I’ve heard of kids doing this but maybe not to the extent of what Ryan does. I know when I am trying to fall asleep, I rock my legs back and forth (sometimes really fast) as a way to soothe myself to sleep.
Do they think Ryan will outgrow this? Is it soothing to him even though it’s causing bald spots and a callous?
((hugs))
only suggestion i can give is to wrap his head up with like something soft to insulate it so that he doesn’t do much damage to himself.
I understand that it’s hard on you watching your child go through this-what is Ryan thinking though?
When he goes through these phases what is the wee man thinking? I have a two year old ,so I do empathise with you duckie-my first instinct would be to scoop up my baby and hug him,but does Ryan allow you do that ? I don’t know the extent of Ryans’ Autisim ,I’m just reading about a little baby whos hurting and that hurts me a lot.
Stay strong for him Jenn-and if you can give him a squish from me
x
It’s perfectly okay to break down sometimes. At times a good cry is what enables me to get back up and keep going. I’ll keep Ryan in my thoughts. : )
You really are an amazing mother. I’ve been following your blog for awhile, and I’m blow away by what you’re willing to do for your kids. And I can’t believe how close in age we are! I have so much respect for you.
I hope that things get better with Ryan eventually. I have no doubt though that if someone can help him, it would be you and Dan.
Good luck, and take care.
You’re allowed to have off days, to feel worn down and to feel like you need a cry. It’s normal. I hope things get better soon, and everyone gets some sleep.
No forgiveness necessary! It’s really not a horrible comment…even mothers who have babies that sleep soundly make those comments. We never mean it (at least, I hope we don’t!) but we say it nonetheless. *hugs*
Awww hun, stay strong
He’s a beautiful child and you are a wonderful mother, I’ll keep you 2 in my prayers.
If worse comes to worse, are you able to put a padding around his bed? Like, on the walls? At least if he ends up hitting the padding he won’t hurt himself as much. He shouldn’t notice it either, because it’s not like he’s doing it to hurt himself purposely.
I’ve heard that music is good, or just anything distracting that he can concentrate on instead of rocking and banging his head. You know those mobiles you hang above a child’s crib? Something like that, that moves so he can keep an eye on it… it may help. Just throwing out suggestions.
I hope the situation improves.
I don’t know how you do it.
I had an old friend come over and spend the night a while back – she has a two year old son as well who is autistic. Needless to say, none of us got any sleep because after FINALLY getting him to sleep (after 3 hours of trying/rocking/different movies) he woke up an hour later and just cried for about 5 hours. The only thing that would silence him was rocking with his mother or I in a chair, but even then it would last for only so long before he got off the chair to stand on his own and just scream. A deafening scream, like the child was being beaten. It scared the hell out of me. My friend said that was the norm for him.
Honestly, if I were you I would probably break down and cry, too. All. The. Time.
I don’t know what to suggest, I am not a mother, nor have I ever heard of children doing this before.
I’m sorry I can’t be of any help, but believe me when I say I don’t blame you for feeling desperate. It’s very clearly a stressful situation, especially if it’s gotten to the point where it’s leaving physical marks on his body. I really wish I could help, here. 