Alyssa took up residency with my mother for a few days. Since my mom has a Wii and a GameCube, which are two things we don’t have (though technically we DO have a GameCube, but a) Alyssa did not know of its existence and b) all the games for it have gone AWOL?), Alyssa was determined to stay there for as long as possible. Well, last night was the fifth night (though she was home for almost half of Saturday), and I told her that she needed to come home. I miss her, and she also has preschool tomorrow (Monday was a teacher day). She promised me that she’d be home — in the summertime. Pfft. Needless to say, she’s home now!
It’s great that Alyssa has such a good time at my mom’s, and with other family members as well. I’m glad that she’s independent enough to enjoy the company of others without necessarily wanting me to be with her all of the time.
But one thing I don’t like about her being at my mom’s is my mom’s attitude about it. Specifically, my mom always tries to twist things around and make it out like Alyssa is having SUCH a good time with her, she doesn’t miss me at all, blah blah blah. She (my mom) actually said to me on the phone the other night, “How does it feel knowing that your daughter doesn’t miss you at all?” I refused to rise to the bait there, so I’ll do it here. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM WOMAN? JESUS CHRIST. Hence the blog title. It is NOT a competition. Alyssa has told me herself that she does miss me, but I know that she doesn’t miss me enough to come home. And that’s great. I was an independent, non-clingy child who was happy to do her own thing, and I’m glad that Alyssa is turning out to be the same way. I don’t get my mom, and why Alyssa having a good time at her house means that she doesn’t miss me at all and why I should be bothered or hurt by that.
Anyway. My mom is infuriating in some ways, but I do still love her.
Things are going well with my brothers. My thirteen year old brother was finally granted half day passes starting last weekend. Half day passes are four hours, full day passes are eight hours, and then there are overnight passes and weekend passes. These passes should have started several months ago, going all the way back to October, once my brother had been enrolled in his residential school and doing well for three weeks. But as usual, CPS put a stop to that and everything else that by protocol and standard procedures, they should have allowed and done. The only reason my brother is NOW finally allowed to begin the off-campus visits with us is because the case and handling of my brothers going off campus and away for home visits was turned over to a third party agency that only specializes in this kind of thing. And so far, they seem really decent. CPS was determined to bust our chops at every turn, even going so far as to “lose” paperwork, not return phone calls, make up allegations, “forget” to tell my mom about court dates, and even lie to the judge at the February court hearing. Yeah, I’m sure you can sense my bitterness… I can respect the fact that CPS has a job to do and they need to investigate all allegations. But how does investigating allegations mean making up new ones, lying to a judge, losing important documents and generally not doing one’s job while doing everything they can to make a family miserable?
My ten year old brother should be starting home visits soon. Right now he is in transition from the shitty, prison-like shelter he has been staying at since November, to a specialized foster care that deals exclusively with autistic children.
And… I have a cold. Spring and summer colds are the worst. The weather is so gorgeous out, but all I want to do is dope myself up on Dayquil and Nyquil and hide away. But I did still go out today to take care of a few errands, and then I came home and played outside with Alyssa and walked Leah (who is now over her heat, so I don’t have to worry about the neighborhood male dogs going crazy).
So. Happy St. Patty’s Day. I have no interest in it, but I’m going to go ahead and go out with Dan, his brother and Jason tonight, because I can resist a good photo opp featuring three drunk guys!
Your mom… I don’t know what to say about some of the things she says. Why would you want to gloat about her not missing you? I think it’s great that she is independent. I know very clingy kids (A certain one is 12 and will NOT spend the night w/o her mother, she is HORRIBLE and on my bday we were gone for 3 hrs and she called the 5 of us a combined total of 60 times).
Enjoy spending St. Patrick’s day out. I’m sure your evening will be amusing.
I’ve said this before; but I do think your mom is jealous of you.I won’t go into a rant about it,because you probably know yourself.
Thats good news about your brother, it’s been a longtime coming.Hopefully, things can only get better for the pair of them.
I don’t do the whole st Patricks day thing, for a lot of people it’s just an excuse to get drunk!
I’m gonna say this pretty bluntly – your mother has to get her shit together and you have to stop enabling her. She knows she can get away with anything with you and to her, it may well be a competition. She seems like a very black and white person, so to her, maybe, Alyssa liking it at her place automatically means she doesn’t miss you, in your mother’s mind. She seems to have a magical way of distorting everything in her own favor even if it means walking all over you, her own daughter. I understand she’s your mother and you love her, but you have got to put your foot down with her. Her behavior borders on abusive and don’t be fooled into thinking Alyssa and Ryan won’t pick up on it, because they will. Trust me, they will.
It seems you’ve become a mother to your mother and she’s acting up like a teenager. In the long run, Jenn, it’s just going to get worse. And I’ve said it before – as a person with a personality disorder, I can say your mother definitely has a personality disorder. I’d even go far enough to call her narcissistic. And narcissists know that their closest people love them and they’ll use and manipulate them if it gets them something they want. People are just stepping stones for them.
As for your brothers, I’m glad CPS is off the case. They seemed hellbent in making your family look like shit for no apparent reason – I mean, I don’t understand why, for example, *you* couldn’t get temporary custody – from what I understand, you’ve had temporary custody of your brother(s?) before. Your kids are well taken care of, you have a solid home, solid income, and all CPS has done over the months is throw sticks in the gears. Of course, I don’t know the past history but their actions just *stink*. You should file a lawsuit against them! Absolutely. They’re supposed to *protect* the children, not do everything in their power to make children miserable!
*offers her potent forest berry flu meds* That’ll take the cold away.
Heh, if it were me (and I was feeling fed up at your mom’s comments) I probably would have been like “… She likes the game consoles, that doesn’t say anything about how much time she wants to spend with you.” But that would have only if I had been feeling petty at the time.
That being said, it’s awesome that Alyssa’s independent. And that your brother’s allowed to spend more time with his family.
Hopefully more and more passes will be issued as the time goes on!
Your mother sounds a lot like my mother in-law, sort of. When Addie was in the hospital last month, my mother in-law made it a point to call and tell me that my son was crying for me and how much he missed me. She does things to deliberately irritate me, but I think you are handling yourself well. I just hope your mother realizes how great she has it with you!
And congrats for the half day passes for your 13 year old brother. That is absolutely wonderful! I will be praying for your 10 year old brother to start his passes soon. I agree with Jonna about the lawsuit thing… It’s not right to pull children from their homes, just to put them into crummy situations and all of the stalling? Definitely their way of getting what they want.
Hope you get to feeling better!
Bluntly I put it, your mother is a selfish bitch that needs to be put in her place once and for all. Perhaps if you gave her the silent treatment for a few weeks, she might change her tune. I did that very same thing to my own a few years back. It was when I had just started dating my now husband. She wouldn’t let up with “he’s not good enough for you, break up with him”, etc every time that she called me. She would belittle my relationship with him so bad that I would end up in tears. I ended up just not acknowledging her existence for a few months which woke her the fuck up with realizing that I was going to live my life as I saw fit and there wasn’t a damn thing that she could do about it. I would hope that you would do the same, but it is not very likely. You have said yourself that your screwed up relationship that you have with your mom even strains your own relationship with Dan. Nothing will ever change unless you do something about it. Your mother needs to be advised that her behavior is not to be tolerated and is not the best way to treat loved ones no matter how much conditional love there is. Please just FINALLY have a REALLY serious heart to heart with your mom over her behavior with perhaps an ultimatum that communication will be completely cut off until such things change. Your brushing it all aside in hopes that it will fix itself or giving in to the idea that she will never change so why bother is not the best route to take. Wouldn’t you like a little less drama in your life to worry about?
What a crummy thing to do on your mother’s part
In my opinion, I think it’s good that you didn’t take the bait – what a petty thing to fight about that would have been. In the end, she’s your mother and she is who she is, you can’t change her personality. Our mothers are supposed to get under our skin, it’s in their contracts or something.
I do, however, agree with Jonna about legal action against CPS. In what way is sticking those boys in a crappy (if it is, as you say) housing situation with perfect strangers protecting them? Just something to think about.
I really hate it when people starting things into competitions, especially when they can’t compete. You both know that you’ve been a better parent to Alyssa than she ever was to you…at least she’s starting now though right?!
As long as Alyssa has a good time
Thanks of censoring my comment. Mine wasn’t any different than anyone else’s by much. You just didn’t want anyone else to see what I had said and you pussying out of confronting your mother with her childish petty behavior. The shit will not get any better, only worse. By you not standing up for her, it only allows her to continue on. One of these days, it will more than likely cause severe damage in some shape of form and you’ll only have you to blame for not taking the initiative of showing her that you will not put up with her stupid shit. You talk all high and mighty to strangers when you feel wronged, yet you won’t stand up to your own mother. What is that teaching your children?
It made me tear up to see what your said to you. It’s sad. I know that Sydney used to want to go to my mother’s because she could literally do as she pleased, run with knives, burn herself on the stove, etc. But now she doesn’t care about that type of thing and actually craves the consistency. Could your mom let Alyssa get away with murder just to have her want to be there?