Right now there’s a pretty big shit storm brewing over at penelopetrunk.com. A few days ago she made a crack on Twitter about not being too thrilled with spending a day at home with her kids. No big deal, right? Anyone who’s a parent can tell you that it parenting isn’t 100% fun all of the time. I know, I know. Parents, us mothers in particular, are supposed to tell society that we LOVE being moms, that everything is just an absolute joy and picture of perfection.
But honestly? Parenthood is not always fun and perfect. Listening to your autistic son slam his head against the wall for hours isn’t fun. A dramatic four year old isn’t fun. Your kids crawling into bed with you in the middle of the night and then crowding you out isn’t fun. Diaper changes aren’t fun. Hauling them in and out of car seats isn’t fun. Trying to make a dinner that pleases the kids AND the adults AND the food pyramid isn’t fun (especially for me — I hate to cook!). Cleaning up vomit, not fun. Peeling poop wads out of cloth diapers, not fun. Reading the same story over and over and over isn’t fun. Bedtime stall tactics are not fun.
Okay, so I think you get my point. Children are a blessing, they’re bright, intelligent, witty, charming, curious, precocious, sweet, and I really can’t imagine not having mine in my life. But the chores, the clean up, the hassles, the temper tantrums, the melt downs, the snot wiping, diaper scraping, dinner making, story-retelling, sometimes inane toddler babble and preschool chatter that continues for HOURS ON END is not fun.
So I am in full agreement with Penelope on that one. Parenthood is not always fun and enjoyable. And me saying that does not make me delusional. It makes me realistic. If anything, trying to convince myself that some of the things mentioned above really ARE fun and enjoyable would make me delusional.
Apparently the guy who made a snarky comment on Twitter in response to Penelope doesn’t agree. (It’s worth noting that he himself is a full time ceo or exec or upper management person, and thus isn’t at home to enjoy parenting 24/7). His comment was brief, but it insinuated that Penelope doesn’t really love and appreciate her children, since she isn’t in love with parenting and all that it entails 24/7.
Now, this is where I’ll stop with the story telling, because if you want to know more about Penelope and David and what her thoughts on it are, you can check out her blog. But what I do want to do is state on my side on two very important issues I have with this whole exchange.
First, there’s the idea that parenting should be 100% fun and enjoyment all of the time, and that if it isn’t, there’s obviously something wrong with us (the mothers, and fathers in some cases), and how dare we not find extreme pleasure and happiness with shitty diapers and dirty dishes and crumb-covered floors and messy bedrooms and vomiting toddlers. But I think I covered that part.
The other part? Penelope was understandably irritated by what this guy said to her. But did she fire off a snarky response on Twitter? No. Did she message him privately? No. Did she email him? No. Did she ignore him? No. Instead, she dedicates a 1300+ word blog entry to him, and mentions his full name and geographical location.
(Now, I know. Here I am, big, fat hypocritical Jenn, blasting a blogger for revealing the full name and geographical location of someone she doesn’t like on the internet, much as I did quite a while back with… a man who shall remain nameless. But in my defense, I’d like to point out that this guy made a brief, one sentence comment to Penelope. The person whose full name and general location I “outed” (I feel it’s worth mentioning that it was already public knowledge, so there wasn’t much “outing” done) spent YEARS harassing and slandering me online, attacking my husband and my children, and had been doing the same to other women and children as well. Legal action has even been taken against him, because he has said and insinuated some pretty horrific things.)
Seriously, I think Penelope went overboard. The guy was a presumptuous little prick with his comment, but did he deserve the blog blasting he got? I don’t think so. And it’s not right that her blog entry is now the first result for a Google search of this guy’s full name. And it is DEFINITELY pretty freaking outrageous that Penelope just couldn’t stop there. Oh no. In addition to the blog entry, she also looked up this guy’s HOME AND EMPLOYMENT DETAILS, and proceeded to CALL HIM AT HIS WORK AND HOME (thankfully, she didn’t get an answer with either phone call).
Can we say off her rocker? I think she overreacted… by more than a bit. Seriously, there are ways to handle snarky comments… by making one right back, or ignoring it and putting that much dedication and attention to detail to a more positive and productive use. But essentially slamming this guy all over the internet, potentially putting his future employment and reputation at risk by listing his information, and then putting on the stalker-hat by looking up his contact info and CALLING HIM is more than a little much.
*steps off soapbox*
Related posts:17 Comments
, on April 4 2009 at 7:35pm:
@Anna: I guess that is another way of looking at it. People do see the internet as the way to not be personally responsible for anything that’s said, since it’s so separate from their offline life. But… I don’t know. If this was you-know-who, then yes, it would be deserving, because he went to SO many extremes. This guy? Not so much. It was a shitty thing to say, but for her to react by blogging his contact info (apparently she posted his phone number, but later removed it) and then called him herself seems a little much.
BTW, I’m not sure why your comments keep going into moderation! I approve them as soon as I see them though. 
, on April 4 2009 at 11:11pm:
Ok… I get that you’re not threatening her but you are writing a big blog about what you perceive as a misstep that doesn’t really have anything to do with you 
Are you sure she doesn’t have any additional history with him?
, on April 4 2009 at 11:22pm:
@P.A.: I freely admit that the subject has nothing to do with me personally, but I wanted to share my $0.02 on the subject. Especially since the suggestion that parenting is wonderful 24/7 and there’s something wrong with a parent if they dare to beg to differ is relevant to me. The difference, obviously, is that I’m not going batshit over it to the extent that Penelope did. 
As far as any additional history, I have no idea, because I don’t know her. According to her blog, this was their first e-encounter.
, on April 4 2009 at 2:04am:
I scanned her blog entry and I do think she went a tad overboard on his comment. That and actually calling him at work and at home? That’s just creepy. And if I were him, I’d be taking some motions to make it a touch harder for people to find out where I live and what my home phone number was.
My aunt tells me that parenting is a “joy”. But that’s only because my dad told her to say that so I’ll actually go out and have a kid or two so he can have grandchildren…
, on April 4 2009 at 2:19am:
I do agree that parenting isn’t always a bowl of cherries. I do my fair share of complaining about the never ending messes around this place. It’s tiring. Being a parent is a full time job. Sooner or later it catches up to you.
I can’t really comment on dedicating a blog entry on someone that’s caused a bit of drama because I recently did the same. However, I would never disclose any personal information. It’s one thing to get your point across on your blog, but it’s another to make someones private info public. Especially if they have children of their own. There are a lot of crazies out there and Lord only knows what could happen if that info fell into the wrong hands. Although sometimes it’s hard to remain calm and not pull out all the stops when you’re that angry. So while I can sort of understand where she is coming from, I don’t think that it’s very cool.
WAY back in the day (back when I got my very first domain) an old friend went psycho on me. She posted photos of me along with my personal information on her website. Then she called my job and tried to get me fired. She even openly blogged about my personal journal entries. All because of a silly argument we had. Cyber bullying = not cool.
, on April 4 2009 at 5:26am:
I hurd twitter ruines peoples lives/relationships but I thought all that was BS. Now I see that it can happen..only if you allow it to go that far.
Nonetheless, I think your opinion on the situation as well as parenting is reasonable. Honestly..who wants another human being to throw up all over them? No matter how cute it is?
Youre totally right
, on April 4 2009 at 6:42am:
Wow. Big overreaction. Call him out ONLINE all you want. Just keep it there, ONLINE. Responding to disagreement is to post their contact information online for people to go after them and call them up? That’s just… Classy. Honestly, I hope he can get her for harassment.
, on April 4 2009 at 7:46am:
I read that post and the comments. Two things annoyed me, her phoning him at work/home but also her comment about people who want to be SAHM being full of shit.
Yes, he said something stupidly, on twitter, without thinking. But god. Over react much?
, on April 4 2009 at 11:15am:
I don’t know the whole story and I don’t really care enough about internet drama to go investigate but it looks like both sides were in the wrong here in different ways. Hopefully they can be mature enough to get past it and stop going back and forth.
, on April 4 2009 at 1:41pm:
I don’t think that she was wrong in writing a blog about the situation. I mean, that is what blogs are for; an outlet to vent your frustrations or exclaim you excitements. But I definitely think that she was wrong in posting his full name and location. She willingly posted a comment about herself and her opinion on a public forum, which gives him the access to post his comments in return. Even with the fact that his comment was brainless and insensitive, it wasn’t harrasing or invading her privacy, so it really doesn’t give her the right to invade his personal offline privacy.
That thought aside, I want to say that I can only imagine that parenting 24/7 is probably no picnic. My sister and I were raised by a stay-at-home mom who also happened to be single with no-one to turn to for extra support and I have come to have the upmost respect for other mothers who do this. It is a thankless job and one of the hardest out there. Other people may dispute my claim that a stay-at-home mom is not a job but I disagree. It is in fact many jobs all rolled into one. You are a maid, a chef, a chauffer, a teacher, a nurse and on top of all that you also have to run your household and cater to your significant other when they return from their “jobs”. And I can only imagine that the daily routine would probably become inane and boring after awhile.
So I can empathize about how she felt when she posted the comment and then received comments about how she is a bad mother because she doesn’t love spending every second she can with her children. That is ludicrous. No one person would enjoy spending every second of their lives with other people, even if those other people are family.
It always amazes me how other people always think that they can do a better job than you can when it comes to dealing with children. Kinda like how the majority of self-help books for parents are written by people who don’t have any children of their own. Ironic?
, on April 4 2009 at 3:59pm:
Seriously way overboard reaction. His comment would have been something that I would have ignored. It really was not worth getting so hot and bothered over. In my experience parentng 24/7 is all rainbows and unicorns… Unicorns come in the form of matchbox cars that like to hide under mats and under sofa cushions,so when you sit/stand on them they stick in places that you really don’t care to mention. Rainbows? OH rainbows yeah they are really purdy when they come only in the colour brown and even better when the pretty colours come with a free three year old wearing them. That doesn’t bother me that they are copic permanent colouring marks that cost me over $150.00.. no. It’s even more fun trying to scrub those pretty colours off a screamy,wiggly three year old without injuring him. Plus the two year old stands at the bathroom door screaming at the top of his lungs in sympathy. And I just adore dressing and re-dressing the said two year old 5,000 times a day- my day would not be complete without that ritual.
My life is happy ,skippy,happy all day long. I chose psychosis75 for that exact reason ..75 is my house number the other being my happy skippy little world that I like to inhabit.
I’ll just go and blog a 5,000 word diatribe at the next person who throws an innocuous comment my way-any takers? :p
, on April 4 2009 at 4:53pm:
That is what I would call an immature handling of one little rude comment at its best.
, on April 4 2009 at 12:47pm:
Your comment was right on– that’s why I’m here.
No question it was an overreaction to publish a piece condemning him publicly to your 33,000+ subscribers and myriad of other readers– especially when this post has been picked up everywhere.
But that’s not the point. The point is that the discourse of he said, she said– not the actual conversation, but what it means to women, men, and families. Aside from the blasting, PT did cite some interesting material and research that should give people pause for thought.
I’m reading through all this because I’m a SAHM become I love it (yes, love it), but am trying to decide what to do with multiple job offers, making this already tough decision additionally challenging because of the difficult economy.
~ Maya
@mayanorton
As the domain name suggests, my name is Jenn, and I own this blog. I'm 26 years old and married to my one true ♥, Daniel. And while I have two kids (Alyssa is five, and Ryan is three), you won't find "mommy" in my username or email address, nor does my blog revolve around them. I'm a mother, but most importantly I am me, with a passion for love, blogging, reading, and photography. I'm also a busy freelance writer, web designer & SEO goddess, and a blogger relations person for an adult toy company.
I don’t see anything wrong with what she did. People need to learn that just because something is said online in less than 130 characters doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be held accountable when you act like an asshole. If he ends up getting fired for the snarky comment be made he has nobody to be pissed off at but himself. If more people we held accountable for the BS they choose to spew because they are onlint and feel “safe” acting like a jackass then a lot less people would be doing it.