My niece has known about death since she was 2-3 years old because of my mother’s death (of course, no one told her *why* my mother died – that kind of information can’t be handled by a child) and she understands that death means that the person who has died can’t come back anymore. She’s very bright and can deal with the information (although I greatly detest the fact she was told that Grandma Saara went to Heaven, I’m not a fan of brainwashing children into religion before they’re old enough to make their own choices) instead of freaking out over it but I do understand there are children who can not deal with the realities of life at such a young age. Alyssa will probably pick up information about death from here and there (and if she explains what happened to her friends, some may know about death and inform her) and put two and two together over time even if you don’t sit her down to have that discussion with her. *nod*

I’d say it’s a good idea to teach Alyssa about life’s realities before she enters big girl school because I know, on a personal level, that because my parents refused to tell me about shit like this, learning for me was just shocking fact after shocking fact and it greatly undermined my trust for the parental units, and also served as a great base for the wrong kind of kids to base their manipulation on, eventually leading to trouble. Parents are the ones who information should come from.

If you think Alyssa is ready to hear about death, teach her about death. If you don’t think she’s ready, wait ’til she is. I don’t think there is a wrong way or a right way in situations like this, it’s all about a parent’s gut instinct. If Dan thinks it’s time to talk to Alyssa about this, let him talk to her about this.

It’s best to let her figure it out a bit more and then eventually explain death entirely. She will have problems understanding at such a young age, so I think you handled it correctly.

Death I don’t know how I learned about. I was only 4 or 5 when my uncle died. My mother and another uncle sat me and my older brother down (he’s only 11 months older) and simply told us, ‘—- died.’ I remember worrying about them and how much sadder they must be than I was, and thinking I couldn’t cry because I wasn’t important enough in the ranks of the death? I knew it meant he was gone forever, but even as adults it takes us a long time to register that.

People worry so much about how to tell, but you know I think a lot of kids figure it out in their own time.