I have a pretty varied contact list on Flickr. Moms, dads, women, a few guys, etc. So I’m exposed to a lot of different photos whenever I browse through the recent uploads list. And generally every person has their own unique “style”. There’s the chick that adds this weird, definitely overused blueish/vintagey tint to all of her photographs. The chick who uses really awesome and colorful bits of wrapping paper as backgrounds to her self-portraits. The guy who does a lot of amazing nature shots.
And then there’s the woman who makes sure to feature her collagen-enhanced lips, her breasts, a hint of crotch and/or her thighs in EVERY. SINGLE. PHOTO. she takes of herself. She’s pretty, and honestly reminds me of a true-to-life Barbie doll (but don’t get me wrong – she really IS pretty). But she just overdoes it, especially since every single self-portrait features one or all of those elements. It just gets old, you know? Eh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s just the pre-grief talking.
Speaking of photography, here are two shots I took of the marigolds Alyssa and Ryan planted and decorated for Mother’s Day:
Anyway. Not much is happening today. I went and picked up my brother, and as I was on my way to dropping Ryan off with Dan, my mom called to tell me that my grandfather has progressed (though maybe declined is a better word to use) to the point where he is sleeping most of the time, and isn’t really eating or drinking anything. There’s no way to tell when exactly he will pass, but several of the nurses have remarked that based on the fact that he is still eating and drinking a bit, is having “output” (I’m sorry, there’s no delicate way to put it), has good circulation and heart rate and pulse, that he could have several days or even a week left.
This is so hard, yet there are times, like now, when I feel quite peaceful. I vacillate between feeling peaceful, calm and accepting, to feeling overwhelmed and stricken with wrenching grief. The extremes are really hard to handle, particularly when I’m swinging towards grief and fury and wanting to cry and scream. I still haven’t fully let it out. I’m waiting for the right time, when there is no one around. Until then, I’ll be crying and sobbing in spurts, just enough to relieve some of the pressure before I boil over.
Right now I’m at the hospice center. It’s so peaceful and so serene. I’m in a large family room, which features floor-to-ceiling windows, comfy furniture in dark and soothing tones, an electric fireplace, a large LCD television (Alyssa is currently watching Madagascar) and even a computer. There are a few baskets of DVDs, Playmobil toys and kids books for the kids,too. The building is set up with free wifi, so I’m using the internet for free.
Tomorrow will be a repeat of today. I’m going home tonight so that I’ll be at home with the kids during the day, but as soon as Dan gets home from work I’m going to head back out here.
Again, thank you all for the support. It means so much. ♥
Related posts:6 Comments
, on June 6 2009 at 11:34pm:
I’m pretty sure I know which girl you are talking about. She has “blue eyes” right? 
And yeah, I’ve noticed that about her too but I figure, meh. I’ve certainly taken my fare share of cleavage shots so who am I to judge?
I also love D’s wrapping paper backgrounds. I keep meaning to try that out.
Still thinking about you and the family. Hang in there. 
, on June 6 2009 at 11:34pm:
I’m really glad that he’s at hospice now instead of the hospital. It sounds much more suitable and comfortable for family to spend time with him and hopefully he is peaceful for now. *tons of hugs*
I think I’d be disturbed at pics like that. Ew. Do not want to see that crap all the time.
, on June 6 2009 at 10:03am:
Those are beautiful photos of the marigolds. I have an interesting list of people I watch on Flickr too. I like being able to browse all sorts.
You’re still all in my prayers. <3
, on June 6 2009 at 12:18pm:
I don’t understand why people think they need to take shots like that, and them upload to the Internet for the world to see…especially when they do it with every single photo they take!
I am glad your grandfather seems quite comfortable in the hospice center. I am not sure if we have one around here, but it seems like a peaceful place.
, on June 6 2009 at 1:08pm:
I think I am the girl you are speaking of. The “blue eyes” comment gave it away. I have always been nice to you Jenn..not sure why you would choose to comment about me like that. Its fine though. There are days that certain people on flickr get on my nerves. My lips are not collagen enhanced btw. I was going to come here to say I’m sorry about your grandpa.
As the domain name suggests, my name is Jenn, and I own this blog. I'm 26 years old and married to my one true ♥, Daniel. And while I have two kids (Alyssa is five, and Ryan is three), you won't find "mommy" in my username or email address, nor does my blog revolve around them. I'm a mother, but most importantly I am me, with a passion for love, blogging, reading, and photography. I'm also a busy freelance writer, web designer & SEO goddess, and a blogger relations person for an adult toy company.
I think I know who your talking about with the photos. Its ok.. we get the point. Love the new photos! Free WiFi is great!