I really miss Daniel. In the past week I’ve only slept beside him four times, and only two of those times did I go to bed when he did. The other times he was already asleep, huddled under the covers and turned away from me, so I felt even more lonely. We’ve been texting back and forth, and we even did a video chat on Windows Live Messenger the other day, but it’s still not the same as being around him all of the time like I usually am.
Eh. Tick-tock, tick-tock. I’m sorry that my recent blog entries have been so depressing. I’m trying to retain some happiness during this period of my life, but it isn’t easy. I’m also trying to be productive and get some work done while I’m here, since my grandfather is sleeping all of the time now. I’ve done good with catching up on blogging, so now the only thing left is a stack of writing projects to get through.
I don’t know what’s going to happen this week… my thirteen year old brother’s school graduation ceremony is on Wednesday, which I will be attending alone if my grandfather is still here. There’s an appointment set up for my brothers to see each other for two hours on Thursday, which I will also be going to alone if my grandfather is still here. There’s a free day at the community pool that we planned on attending on Friday, but now that’s kind of up in the air. And then my 25th birthday is on Saturday. Jason gave me my birthday present a few days ago, but he also wants to take me out to dinner (I’m thinking Nifty Fifty’s), and Dan has something up his sleeve as well. We also leave for the beach in two and a half weeks, so I need to get my ass in gear and get a lot of work done so we have plenty of spending money to take with us.
Ugh. This whole situation is sucking the life out of me. I feel bad for complaining and feeling this way, which just adds to my guilt. But I am saving my tiny complaints for my blog or out of the room, so that there’s no way my grandfather will hear. I want to be as supportive and comforting as possible, so I’m going to keep my inane bitchings to myself.
Don’t feel bad for complaining. I think it’s better that you’re getting it out. I always feel better after writing about dificult times in my life. It is also always a great help to see that I’m not alone. Other people go through similar times and it’s nice to hear that and have their support. It makes you feel less alone.
I’m so sorry you are having to go through this, hun. But please don’t add any more stress to yourself worrying about complaining. Just let it out. We are here for you.
*hugs*
I don’t think you’re being anything by missing him. It happens. I feel the same way when I don’t sleep with Randy. Hopefully you can get some work done for money and enjoy yourself at the beach.
I agree with Caity. Dont feel bad about complaining. This is a sad, depressing time in your life and you deserve to feel sad and depressed.
Actually, its weird because my “homework” (I receive homework assignments from my counselor as a part of my recovery process from drug addiction…) is on emotions. Coping with emotions, learning to COMMUNICATE emotions in a healthy way..but most of all…knowing that allll of these emotions are absolutely ok to have. One should not feel guilty or shameful for having them.
You should not feel bad about complaining. You have the right to feel this way. Just make sure you communicate. Your feelings are not wrong.
Don’t feel bad about complaining. At all. It’s hard to handle things so large anyway, but you’ve got other things going on that are pretty big as well. You have a right to feel the way you do, so don’t feel guilty hon. -hug-