Since my childhood, I have always taken pride in the fact that I am an outspoken, independent, motivated individual. When I want something, I get it. And it goes without question that if I need something, I get it. Whether it’s for Alyssa and Ryan, Dan, myself or all of us combined, if it’s something I/we want or need, I go after it with gusto.
But sometimes I regret being such an independent individual, because I’m relied upon so much. It’s understandable that Dan and I work together on doing what we want and need, since we are married and have two small children depending upon us. But there are times when I feel when more than my share is placed upon me, and it gets tiresome. It’s the little things that get me thinking about this. Like our vacation this year, and the vacation last year. Nights out. Parties like tonight’s. Whatever it is, I am responsible for every aspect of it, all of the planning of it. If we want to do something without the kids, I’m responsible for that too, making sure we get babysitting arrangements set up, even if they’re with his brothers or sisters.
I know I’m a take-charge type of individual, but I just wish that every once in a while Dan would step up to the plate and take care of things. It’s nice to have a break and not have to worry about taking care of everything, you know?
And my mother is just as bad. In fact, she’s worse, because since she’s my mother, and not my husband or someone I live with, she should be taking care of things on her own. But I swear, there are times when it seems like she can’t even take a damn shit without seeking my input, guidance or advice. Just… argh. Why is it always up to me to plan everything out?
Another thing that bugs me to no end? The times when Dan will gripe about not having any say or input in what we do, when we do it or how we do it. What the heck am I supposed to do? If I rely on him to plan something out, it doesn’t happen. Obviously, if we’re going to go from point A to point B, one of us needs to step up to the plate and make it happen. And since he won’t, that just leaves me.
Okay, rant over. I’m not really in a pissy mood or anything, but it’s just something I was thinking about — probably stemming from the fact that today’s party was once again planned out by me, right down to me handing Dan the pans of hamburgers and hot dogs and directing him to grill them once he got home from work — and wanted to get off my chest. 
I can honestly say I know EXACTLY how you feel. Things are the same with my world…I liiterally had to go out to dinner last night because I just didn’t want to have to instruct Rob on how to throw this on the grill, make potatoes, and open a can of corn..ugh!
Thought it’s chilidish, there have been times where I’ve literally told him that I was doing NOTHING, and if he didn’t do it, then depending on the situation we either A. weren’t doing it B. not eating C. whatever else the situation called for.
Aw, that can definitely be frustrating. I can understand why you would feel that way. Just so you know, even though you’re younger than me I look up to you. You have accomplished so much and faced all kinds of adversities. I guess things like this come with having your head on straight. Hopefully you were able to relax and enjoy your 4th of July celebration after you planned it all.
That is definitely tough to deal with and I understand where you’re coming from. It’s especially hard when people leave everything up to you to figure out and plan, and then complain when things aren’t exactly the way THEY wanted it to be.
Not sure if you’re already doing this or not, but if you haven’t, take a step back during planning and firmly ask your husband what he wants to do, tell him to give input, etc. If he gives you an indecisive “whatever you want”, tell him right there and then that in order to be denied the chance to give input, he has to attempt to give some first. It’s a bit harsh and blunt, but it would also make him realize that his complaining is unjustified.
I can’t say that I know exactly how you feel because I’m a single mother of two small children and I am not married. However, with being a single mother, everything is put on me, mentally, physically and financially so I kind of know how you feel. It’s perfectly reasonable for you to want that extra help even if it’s just the little things and I know how tiresome everything must be for you! Perhaps you and Dan should have a talk about everything? I think it’s important to have these types of discussions with your significant other. You never know, it might make a change some time down the road.
It’s the exact same way with me and James. He will plan something, but only if I TELL him to plan it! Usually though, it’s me making the arrangements when we go out, have people over, etc. It does get frustrating sometimes, especially when things don’t go as planned. That always falls back on me, and even though James doesn’t complain about it, I always feel responsible!