It’s midnight, and the only reason I am still awake is my nails: I’m waiting for them to dry. I am seriously tired. I was dragging for about three minutes when I got up this morning (at 8am! for the sixth day in a row! on a Saturday!), but then I flew out of bed, and was on the go until the afternoon. Since about 5:00pm I have been ready for bed. Ha. Like that’s going to happen. 
I had dinner on the table at 5:30pm, and brownies cooled, iced and decorated not long after that.
Ryan… thank you all for the support and good vibes you’ve sent my way via Twitter and my blog. He’s doing better. I don’t know if he’s in the clear yet, but he did, er, produce something quite substantial around 7:30pm. He received the first of the suppositories and medication around 4:30pm, so it looks like it didn’t take long for things to kick in!
I’ll be keeping tabs on Ryan via cell phone on Sunday afternoon. I made plans to attend a Pug meetup with Leah, and I still plan on going. I know, bad mommy. But Ryan is okay. He isn’t running a fever, passing blood, vomiting feces or doing anything that would indicate a medical emergency. He made a lot of progress earlier this evening (sorry, I’m trying hard not to go into gross detail!), and Dan, you know, that guy who just so happens to be their father, is more than capable of caring for him for a few hours alone. And worst-case scenario, I’m less than two hours away and would gladly fly back to be with him.
With all that’s been going on I never mentioned that yesterday (well, two days ago now), September 18th, 2009, marked exactly one year since my brothers were placed into state custody. They’re still in state custody. My fourteen year old brother is currently testing out a few foster families, and once he chooses one he’ll be discharged from the special boarding school he has been at since last October. My eleven year old brother has been with a foster family since February. What happens from here? I don’t know. I’m done worrying about it and stressing over it, because there’s nothing I can do. My mom dragged her heels and fucked around last winter and spring, and then my grandfather died in June, so she’s a bit “behind” as far as her progress goes. I don’t know… but like I said, I’m done worrying about it and stressing over it, because there’s nothing I can do. I talk to my brothers on the phone, and I visit with them when the mediation agency arranges visits at their center (we see each boy individually every two weeks for an hour, and we see them together once a month for two hours). So that’s that.
God, I am SO tired. Today was stressful and exhausting. And wow has our supply of baby wipes and butt cream gone down… I’ll have to make a stop at Target tomorrow for more!
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- In the system
- Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can last forever
7 Comments
, on September 20 2009 at 10:18am:
Glad to read that you are finally going to stop stressing out over your mom/brothers situation. All of that stress is no good for you and without it, you will be much happier. I will have to agree with Dex in saying that perhaps foster care may be better for them, even though I am not much of a fan of the fostering system.
Also, those brownies look delicious!
, on September 20 2009 at 6:23pm:
You are a mom, who deserves a life, don’t even say bad mommy ever again! Anyone who says that to you clearly doesn’t have kids or doesn’t have a firm grip on reality. Or is just plain miserable in their own life! I’d die if I didn’t get away from here every once in a while!
So the state custody thing. I wonder what the law is in your state? Being that workers seem to have it in for your mom and are all around shitty in general I’m guessing they are giving no leniency towards her at all. In our case the state they were in had a 12 month rule where they started to take action and proceed with things against the parent. In all fairness she had almost 3 years to get her child back and never could do anything towards it so it was fair in my mind.
I’d just hate for them to start trying to do anything like terminating rights with your mom. The kids are older, you have a family unit, etc. She may want to get on the ball with something before 18 months in care hits or she may be in trouble.
, on September 21 2009 at 5:50am:
You are not a bad mummy, everyone needs time out once in awhile, glad to hear Ryan is making progess 
, on September 21 2009 at 12:05pm:
I am glad to hear Ryan is doing better. I also see nothing wrong with you going to the pug meet-up, as it’s a chance for you to get out of the house and have some time to yourself (and lots of cute puppies!). I don’t understand why anyone would consider you a bad mother for wanting to do things on your own every now and then.
As for your mom and brothers, I am glad you are not letting it stress you out. It’s not good to worry about something completely out of your control. Your mom really needs to get on the ball if she truly wants her sons back.
, on September 21 2009 at 5:53pm:
Bad Mommy for needing a few hours break.. Dreadful behaviour!! Why do you have to justify taking a run for the hills every once in a while? It isn’t like you abandoned them or something?
The thing about your Mom..From reading what you gave said about now and in the past.. I don’t think that she wants them back to be honest. She is a completely irresponsible ‘adult’ (and I use that term very loosely)
From money, to household bills, to her car, meds- pets? How many empty promises had she fed you in the past ? I don’t know but it seems like she is trying to compete with you on every level -she has gotten a taste of freedom without the boys and she is enjoying herself. If she had wanted them back,she would have fought tooth and nail for them. As long as they are being cared for ,are in a proper secure enviroment and still have contact with you and their mother, then maybe it is better than they stay where they are?
I am not blaming her completely-she just might be one of those types who can’t cope with. I know one. My own Mother..
As the domain name suggests, my name is Jenn, and I own this blog. I'm 26 years old and married to my one true ♥, Daniel. And while I have two kids (Alyssa is five, and Ryan is three), you won't find "mommy" in my username or email address, nor does my blog revolve around them. I'm a mother, but most importantly I am me, with a passion for love, blogging, reading, and photography. I'm also a busy freelance writer, web designer & SEO goddess.
I hate reading blogs of yours where you have to defend why you’re going to go out and do something. Yes your a Mother, but your Husband or anyone else you choose fit are more than equipped to handle the kids so you can leave for a few hours. *shakes head*
It’s great to hear Ryan’s progress though. As for your Mother and her dragging her heels, it really make her look bad to the courts I’m sure. Someone who wants her kids but won’t fight tooth and nail despite whats going on for them. Least that’s the opinion I’ve gathered reading everything about the situation. I hate to say it but perhaps your brothers would fair better in a foster care environment. Some sort of discipline and stability. I really hope that doesn’t come across as offensive. :/