Well, both of my brothers are now in foster care. My youngest brother has been with a foster family since last spring, and my fourteen year old brother was discharged from boarding school and transferred to his new foster home yesterday evening. My youngest brother’s foster mother is an absolute bitch (refuses to allow us to take him out or have him come to family events, even though the court and the agencies involved said it would be okay as long as she was okay with it; we even offered to provide the transportation so she wouldn’t have to drive! She also makes comments about my mother to my brother, and throws away the treats we send home with him after visits.), and the guy my fourteen year old brother will be living with didn’t make an initial good impression on me last night.
The one thing I hate with all these agencies and the foster parents is that there are no definitive answers to any of our questions. It’s really fucking infuriating. If the answer is ultimately going to be no — which nine times out of ten it is, particularly with my youngest brother — then just SAY SO FROM THE VERY START. Don’t fucking jerk me around, you know? It’s a whole big circle of, “Oh, well I would need to check with so-and-so” and then so-and-so says, “Oh, well I need to check with blah-blah-blah” and then blah-blah-blah sends it right back to the beginning. Seriously? Is this how all of these CPS and foster care agencies are?
All the people I’ve dealt with in this whole CPS system probably hate me. My mother is more reserved and hesitant to ask questions, speak up or ruffle feathers. And I understand that, since it’s her kids that are in the system and she’s dependent on these people and their good graces. But me? The bitch switch gets flipped on more than one occasion. I don’t start off being a bitch, but I am assertive, and I’m not afraid to ask questions, point out inconsistencies, and like I did with the CPS bitches last year, criticize and point out hypocrisy. Last night the bitch switch definitely went on. I snapped at two caseworkers and the foster father about their vague answers, and demanded the decency of a straightforward answer, because really, that’s not too much to ask.
On the bright side, my mom met with the parent trainer on Monday afternoon, the parent trainer sat in on a visit between my mom and my brothers, and she’s coming to my mother’s house on Friday. According to the parent trainer and the agency that is overseeing the custody of and visits with the boys (not CPS, but CPS-appointed, so it’s like going from dealing with one devil to dealing with another one), things will move along quickly now, and within the next month or two day visits and then overnight visits at my mother’s house will begin. While my fourteen year old brother was in a meeting with my mom and his new foster father, R, a fifteen year old boy who is also being fostered by the same guy, told me that once he went into a foster home, he began having weekend visits at home the following month. So, we’ll see… apparently this whole parent training thing has an end date of January 25th, and the program is designed so that by that point the boys have already been back home, with the program keeping tabs on them.
So, we’ll see… I told my mom to her face that she better not fuck up things anymore. She fucked them up initially, then continued to fuck them up last fall, winter and spring. If she stays on track and does everything she is supposed to do, and cleans up that damn house as well, hopefully everything will go smoothly, and my brothers will be home. I hope so, but at the same time I’m not holding my breath, you know? I’m tired of being disappointed.
Anyway… it’s Thursday, whoo! The rest of October is going to fly by because I have a lot going on. Today I have to take Ryan and Alyssa to a 2:00pm play therapy appointment, and after that the three of us (Dan is going to stay home and fix an outlet in one of the bathrooms and hopefully steam clean the living room carpet — it needs it desperately!) are going to the grocery store to order Alyssa’s birthday cake (I’m so bad about waiting until the last damn minute to do it).
Saturday is Dan’s aunt and uncle’s annual Halloween bonfire. It’s going to be FUN! Bonfire, s’mores, food, alcoholic beverages (Dan and I are riding with my mom so we have a
And then Sunday is Alyssa’s birthday party! She’s getting really excited, now that she has a better grasp of time and understands something being one day away or two days away.
Then next week it’s going to be a blur of preschool parties for the kids (to celebrate Alyssa’s birthday and then Halloween), an appointment for me, and then Halloween!
Alrighty… 1:00pm. Time for me to wrap things up and head out of here!
Related posts:3 Comments
, on October 10 2009 at 5:46pm:
I agree with the pp def write those things down. If something happens, hopefully not, but if something happens so they do not go back to your mom you are going to want something to prove that you are not getting your chance to be with the boys. And then you have proof of issues if something even worse were to happen to your brothers in these homes.
I was just going to say. My family does not like the foster system. In my extended family I have seen how messed up there system really is.
, on October 10 2009 at 7:40am:
Well Jenn you know I’m in the system too, but I’m on the opposite end so I can see both sides of this. Your last paragraph about your mom pretty much summed it up. She darn well better work her rear end off to do what they say and make it stick after she gets them back. Just to avoid the system at all costs.
Please keep an open mind about the new foster dad. Hopefully it was just a vibe and nothing more. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this the brother that has had some pretty bad things going on at the school thing he was in? He has some sexual issues if I’m not mistaken? In my opinion he should only be placed with a very seasoned foster family of two parents. They should know what they are doing and cover their asses, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t going to make things up like he has in the past. Please just don’t buy into everything as soon as it is said.
And yes, document it all. Foster care 101. Get a tablet per child you ever have, start writing everything in it, even if it is just your feelings from the day. Anything the parents do, any accusations the kid makes, etc. You do the same. If foster dad gets shitty, write it down, date and time. I’ve told you this before, but ombudsperson is the one you need to go to in order to get above everyone’s head and get a completely impartial view on the situation. They will investigate and they will tell you exactly like it is when they do!
As the domain name suggests, my name is Jenn, and I own this blog. I'm 26 years old and married to my one true ♥, Daniel. And while I have two kids (Alyssa is five, and Ryan is three), you won't find "mommy" in my username or email address, nor does my blog revolve around them. I'm a mother, but most importantly I am me, with a passion for love, blogging, reading, and photography. I'm also a busy freelance writer, web designer & SEO goddess, and a blogger relations person for an adult toy company.
Jenn,
This must be so hard on you, I can’t even imagine what it is like as an adult with younger siblings in foster care, and unable to do anything about it except demand answers to your questions, and sometimes be a bitch to get those answers.
I really hope that your mom does everything right so that your brothers can come home by that end date, and that the bad vibes you got from the new foster parents, are nothing more than vibes, that they aren’t going to do anything to hurt your brothers, or somehow sabotage your mom’s ability to get them back.
Just to be safe, document everything, all of the times you ask to take them out to eat, for example, and they say no, or send treats home with your brother’s and they get tossed in the garbage.
Be specific, times, dates, what the requests were, what treats were thrown away etc. Heck, even write down what the foster parents were wearing at the date and time, as much “evidence” as you feel the need to have just in case something should go wrong with your brothers being home on the end date.
Really wishing this had never happened at all, but hoping for a quick and positive end.