Tonight my mom and I got into a bit of an argument. Early last week the kids and I were at her house for a few hours, and while we were there Alyssa asked my mom if she could spend the night. Since it was a school night, my mom told Alyssa she could spend the weekend instead. So Friday afternoon rolled around, and after the kids ate lunch, played for a while and had some quiet time, I helped Alyssa pack her bag and then took her over to my mom’s. Early this evening I called my mom to find out about picking up Alyssa, and we agreed that she would bring her over and stay for dinner. While I had my mom on the phone I asked if Alyssa could spend a night with her next weekend, since Danielle and Matt might be coming to visit. Instead of a simple yes or no she blows up and starts going on about dealing with my kids for three weekends in a row (she says three because I asked her to babysit for Dan and I on February 14th; I also offered to pay her for babysitting, and to buy her whatever she wanted to have for dinner that evening), that she doesn’t want to be dealing with my kids, blah blah blah. WTF? I don’t get her. She offered to have Alyssa this weekend, and I asked her a few weeks ago about Valentine’s Day and offers to pay. Believe me, my mom isn’t here very often, and the kids and I were at her house last week for the first time in MONTHS. I think she last babysat for us for about two hours last week, while Dan and I were meeting with our lawyer. Before then? Sometime before Christmas.
I made some kind of crack about not seeing the big deal about spending time with Alyssa and Ryan every now and again, especially since she has nothing else going on in her life, and she responded with some rambly response about not judging her, just like she doesn’t judge me, or voice her disagreement with decisions I’ve made, blah blah blah, just like she’s not judging me for the decisions I’ve made over the past few months, blah blah blah. I was so irritated and annoyed and just eager to get off the phone and not deal with her crap that I didn’t bother to ask, but I think I already know what it is that she’s talking about:
Jason.
For god knows what reason, she has an issue with my friendship with Jason. She lectures me about being friends with him, that it’s not appropriate to have a friend of the opposite sex, especially one who’s willing to do so much, there must be some deeper feelings involved (on his part; she didn’t accuse me of that, amazingly), blah blah freaking blah. She even insinuated that Dan doesn’t care or isn’t man enough to “take care of the problem”.
Nevermind the fact that Jason and I are strictly friends, we have always been just friends.
Nevermind the fact that Jason and Dan are also friends; the three of us are friends and the three of us do things together. Sometimes Dan and Jason do things together, other times Jason and I do things together.
Also nevermind the fact that my mom had not one but two male friends that she ran around with when she was married to my dad, and then again when she was single. She also cheated on my dad with one of them.
So let’s see, at least one person made all sorts of insinuations about Jason and I on Formspring, including that I’m obviously having sex with him, so why don’t I brag about that like I do about Dan? And my mom thinks it’s “inappropriate” and that we shouldn’t be friends, I shouldn’t hang out with Jason so much, Dan shouldn’t tolerate it, etc.
WTF, people? It’s 2010. Platonic friendships ARE possible.
Because your mom is probably thinking that since she cheated with one of her male friends, you will too. It’s a Mom-thing that drives me nuts – another friend’s mom was the same way and thought my friend would get pregnant at 16 if she was allowed to even speak to boys. *sigh* My mom had things she would say & do like that as well. The only thing I’ve ever been able to do is just ignore it and rant about it later.
It’s quite unfortunate that people are like that. Honestly it’s a complete lack of trust that causes people to think that way. Obviously Dan trusts you enough to not get his head up his butt about you having a male friend (presumably even if he weren’t friends with them). It’s a rarity in most relationships so everyone thinks the worst immediately.
Anyhow, screw ‘em. You’re lucky to have such an awesome friend. Who cares if it just so happens to be a dude -.-
Ditto exactly what Charity said, she did it so you must be doing it as well. Your mom needs to stand in front of a mirror for 10 minutes and then see how easy it is to judge others. Ignore her, you are better than that.
About the babysitting thing with your Mom, I totally sympathize. My Mom does the same kind of thing. My Mom and I only live a mile apart so my girls visit her often. Most of the time my Mom will beg to have them over and even if it doesn’t jive with my plans or sometimes is even inconvenient for my, I always relent. Then later it will turn into “I’m watching YOUR kids blah blah blah…I’ve had them enough blah blah blah.” WTF?! It’s bizarre. She wants to feel “needed” on her terms but at the same time feels burdened by it or at least acts like she is. I’ve never really understood it…
Friendship between girl and a guy is possible otherwise I would not have around 300 girls on my MSN ( I am not even going to try and count girls on my 1200+ long list of friends on Facebook ).
I have very similar issue with my parents where every girl I am friends with, they get this thing that I’m thinking of dating her.
Devil’s advocate: if your mother cheated, she’s probably worried you may be putting yourself in a similar situation. I’ve always told my guy that I need to be his best opposite-gender friend, that once he has a ‘best friend’ that’s a girl, he’s screwing us up because if she has ANY feelings for him, that is it. Once she is his person to turn to me and gripe about, she is his shoulder… ! Just that is a violation for me.
I don’t ‘get’ cheating, though- I have the guts to end relationships so I never really think about it. If I decide to be with someone else I’d end my relationship first. Easy peasy.
I’ve wondered this but don’t want to register with formspring- how did you meet Jason?
Some comments re: your formspring!
- How lovely that so many people hate you just oh-so-much that they spend so much time on your sites, learning about your friendships, memorizing photos of your parking habits (wtf?)…
-Good job with the hermit crabs! My sister got three of them somehow, someway when she was about 11, I think? To test her responsibility level… she lost them… : ( outside.
-You like John Cusack best in Con Air?! I LIKE JOHN CUSACK BEST IN CON AIR! Let’s be friends! Lets be BEST FRIENDS! (he was seriously hot in that)
Wow. That doesn’t seem very fair.
Mainly on the ‘being friends with a guy’ thing, it is definitely possible. Almost my whole life, I’ve been friends with more guys than girls. As of lately, I’ve been really good friends with one my boyfriends friends. I talk to him about everything, just like I would a best friend. It’s definitely possible to have a friendship with a person of the opposite sex and not have feelings for them. And I’ve also asked my boyfriend multiple times if he’s okay with it and stuff and he doesn’t care. It’s really all about trust. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong
It drives my nuts that people still don’t believe that 2 people of the opposite sex can be great friends! My bestfriend since I was 12 (so thats 17 years) is male. When we were kids we would always get the 3rd degree & teasing from our other friends but, thankfully our parents understood. We even have had sleepovers (even as adults) and to him I’m another guy and to me he’s another girl lol. We’ve never seen each other as anything other than friends (well, besides siblings lol) and he has even dated my cousin.
Your friendship is all about what you make / take from it. There will always be someone that doesn’t like it or understand it and personally I think it’s their loss for not understanding.
I agree with Charity. Since your mom can’t have just friends with the male species then she is reflecting that image onto you.
Wow, that is riduclous about your mother accusing you and Jason of being inappropriate. I’m glad that I don’t get that crap. Randy’s best friend since grade school, Corey, and I are very close because we all share an interest in gaming. There were many nights Randy would go to work and Corey would come over and game with me for 6+ hours. *Gasp* O-M-G we were being… FRIENDS? Your mom needs a serious clue.
I’m glad that neither of our parents expect anything when it comes to watching Gracie, although i imagine once she gets older it might be a little more tiresome.
I have a hard time having guy friends just friends, so I tend to not have any anymore except of FB/online. Kudos to you to be able to handle it!
Wow thats pretty sad. You have the right to choose your friends. Maybe shes just jealous??
I think the accusations with you and Jason are just absurd. Matthew goes away every winter. Sometimes I don’t see him for a month. We both have friends, as well as mutual friends. If a MALE friend stops by to visit what does it matter? I have lots of male friends that I hang out with when Matthew isn’t even in this province let alone home. We go out, shopping, walking with Alyssa.. we have great friendships. You love your husband and he loves you. I’m sure if anything were to spiral out of the friendship you would put and end to it quickly. Just as I would if that were to happen.
Your mom may be concerned because of what she has done. But the whole ‘like mother, like daughter’ thing does not always apply. I think she needs to start treating you like and adult and not a child… a female & male can share a friendship without it being anything more.
While I think true platonic friendships where neither party doesnt feel any sexual, or romantic feelings about the other are incredibly rare…whats going on in your situation with your mom and her feelings regarding Jason is VERY easily figured out.
What she is saying to you is just a reflection of her own feelings about herself and the things she did while with your father. Thats all. Just projecting her insecurities onto you.