That sweater hoodie right there? It’s a size XL. Just plain old, regular-sized XL. Trust me, when I pulled it off the rack at the store I didn’t think it would fit either. But it was marked down to $6, so I figured I’d buy it and put it away for next fall. But when I got home, I decided to try it on to guesstimate how far I’d have to progress with my weight loss in order to fit into it. And there I was, fitting into it. Holy freaking crap.
Last night, after Dan and I enjoyed a nice (and cheap, since we only got one entree and one dessert!) Valentine’s Day dinner, I stopped back at the store to see if they still had the same hoodie, but in blue. Unfortunately, they didn’t. But I did spend a few minutes combing through the racks, hoping in vain that I’d find a blue hoodie in an XL, or maybe a black & white or brown & cream. And while I was there, I couldn’t help but feel like I stuck out like a sore thumb. Like people were looking at me and wondering to themselves why the fat girl was posing like she was anything but in the regular size section. I seriously felt like a poser, like I had to defend my presence in the regular sizes section, like I had to grab an XL hoodie, pull it on and declare, “Look! It fits!”
I’m four pounds shy of reaching the 100 lb. weight loss milestone, I’ve dropped four pants sizes, three shirt sizes, two band sizes and a cup size, and yet I still feel like a huge person. Right now, for instance, I’m hanging out with Jason’s sister (he’s getting his spleen removed due to low platelet issues; we’re currently in a hospital waiting room), and when I first met her this morning my impression was that she was smaller than me, because I automatically think that about just about everyone I meet. Fat Girl Vision, I suppose. Yet as it turns out, she probably outweighs me by a good 30 lbs., and she told me that she saw right away that I was smaller than her. Me… smaller? Hello? Mind = officially blown.
I think it’s going to take a long while before my mind catches up with my body. I somehow need to make myself SEE that I’m getting more and more “normal” everyday, and I’m not the huge person I once was.
certainly average
happy vday (i know im late, but oh well)
its a great feeling of accomplish when you set a goal and reach it. You look great and are very inspiring. Keep up the great job!
That’s kinda funny…as you know, it’s all in your head.
I seriously doubt anyone was thinking about you as a poser, a faker. In fact, probably no one was thinking about you at all…
Keep doing what you are doing…you look great!
Hey Jenn– I have read your site on and off for awhile and felt some urge to comment! I lost around 75 pounds 2 or 3 years ago and know EXACTLY what you mean! I’m a teacher and we get random t-shirts for all kinds of school events. The first time someone handed me a large (without asking what size I wanted) I was like, you have to be kidding– you think I wear a large? Ha– never! But then it fit, and I finally realized that I no longer looked as fat as I thought.
I still have some weight to lose to reach my “happy weight” and have just kind of been maintaining for the last few years. Your weight loss has motivated me to try and drop some pounds to get closer to the “happy weight”.
You look great, by the way!
I know EXACTLY how you feel! I’m still trying to get my mind and body to catch up myself!
I know exactally how you feel with feeling bigger then you really are. I lost 60 pounds and 2 years later I still feel bigger then i really am. I still have the mind set that I’m a size 14 pants but I’m really like a 9 now. =X
Don’t worry
Your mind will eventually catch up with your body. OR if it doesn’t well then you’ll just continue to feel awesome when people mention how much smaller you are! Win win I guess. Just don’t start shouting at random customers or anything ;)
That is so fantastic, Jenn! You are such an inspiration and you look fantastic!
Looking good Jenn. Keep it going
I want to hug you. Like, so much. I spent a year of my life being anorexic because I couldn’t deal with being called a fat ass in high school. I wish I was back in high school now because you’re SUCH an inspiration. I don’t think I would’ve made the unhealthy choices I did if I had your blog to read back then.
That being said, you look friggin AMAZING! I can’t even believe you’re over 200 pounds. You don’t look it at all!
you look soooo great! and you take wonderful pictures.
I was overweight the last time (not even obese, just overweight) over FOUR YEARS AGO and I STILL get a shock sometimes when I look in the mirror. Fat girl brain? You never get rid of it. I’ll tell you one thing though; the feeling of going to a clothing store and being able to try on clothes without crying? Well, that’s a thrill and a half.
PS You look absolutely fabulous, Jenn.
its a very common thing to still feel fat. do you get post op counselling?
I think a lot of people have this problem … but I think once you lose all the weight and maintain for a long time, being thin will eventually become normal to you. It will just take time :).
I’ve said it before, but Jenn you look fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You look fabulous. Amazing. I can’t wait until i can wear an xL
Hi Jenn, I haven’t been able to visit in a while and I am really pleasantly surprised on how great you are looking! Keep up the great work in achieving your goal.