I woke up alone this morning. Dan went out last night around 7:30pm. When I asked when he thought he’d be home, he asked, “When do you want me home?” I replied, “Before midnight would be nice, since we were going to blah, blah, blah”. He said, “I’ll try!”, to which I said, “If nothing else, just tell me when you’ll be home, okay?”
Fast forward to 1:30am. Still no Dan. I admit, I was pissed. Not because he went out, or even because he stayed out later than usual, but because he FAILED TO COMMUNICATE. It’s the same issue with his job all over again. I don’t resent the job, I resent his FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE. It’s the same when he goes out. I don’t resent him going out, I resent his FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE. So I gave up on waiting, finished up a quick article on personalized baby gifts, and went to bed.
I feel very disrespected and put aside, especially when he’s out socializing. It’s not as if he can’t pick up the phone to call or text me because he’s too busy working. In this case, he’s too busy drinking and hanging with his brother and Jason.
Am I overreacting here? I don’t think so. It’s not that I don’t want him to go out and enjoy himself; I simply want and expect him to at least let me know when he’ll be home, even if it’s an estimate, rather than leave me in the dark and not give me so much as a quick text. Especially on days like today, where he knew days in advance that we both have shit to do. I have a morning out planned with Alyssa, he has a morning out planned with Ryan. And when it was getting later and later last night, a simple “Hey Jenn, I know you’re up waiting for me despite working all day and having to be up early in the morning, and I know the kids expect me home tomorrow morning, but…” text or call would have been really fucking appreciated.
P.S. 214.4 today. That made my morning a bit better. 
I don’t think you are overrating at all. Going out and not returning until the next day is disrespectful enough…but not having the decency to call or text to let you know that he won’t be home is a step too far. Especially when he has plans with Ryan today.
I’d be irate, and I probably would have sent a not so nice text message acknowledging my anger by now. Kudos to you for handling it in a better, more mature way than I would!
You’re not overreacting at all. I’d have flipped shit and called all over looking for him at that point. It is incredibly disrespectful to do something like that. Hell, if Randy is half an hour late home I expect a text or call or SOMETHING letting me know. An entire NIGHT? No-fucking-way. Seriously. A married man with two kids should have enough sense to let his wife know when the hell he is going to be home. Sorry if I seem harsh but ugh. I just imagine your frustration here. I’d have been sick with worry myself.
To be honest? I think it’s a man thing, lol. Robby has the same issue and the last time it happened I was beyond upset. Especially since he took the motorcycle to hang and left around 6pm at night during a work day to eat dinner with some co-workers and he didn’t get home until 11pm without texting me to let me know what was going on.
I was livid because it started pouring and he was on his bike and I had no idea if he had gotten into an accident because I hadn’t heard for him and who the hell stays out until 11pm on a work day when he said was just going out to eat dinner with co-workers, lol. In any event, I understand where you are coming from. After that tiff which was years ago, he’s been better at letting me know what’s going on. But yes, completely understand where you’re coming from.
We don’t care if they go out and have fun, we care that they’re not letting us know what’s going on– because you know if the shoe was on the other foot, they’d be just as upset. /end rant
David has done this crap to me. if he hangs out with this guy that is his fairweather friend Scott (you know they all up eachothers ass for months at a time or they won’t talk at all for months at a time)
he’ll start out at like midmorning on a saturday gonna go over to hang out. i’d expect him back around 6. well next thing you know he will call and say oh soon i’ll be home. well come 11 you can’t get him to answer his phone..and then he comes home shitfaced at like 4 a/m!
and he will do that shit for days at a time…like leave right after work and then not show up till 1 a/m having to go to work at 6//etc
they even went to a club somewhere and the only reason i found out was when i checked the online banking.
so yup i can def. understand where your coming from. i always get “it won’t happen again” but it always does!
You’re not over reacting at all. My husband does the same thing so I’m thinking it’s a guy thing (not that, that makes it right). I will never understand how hard it is to take a minute out of their time to call or text to say I won’t be home till later. What time did Dan finally drag his butt back home?
Don’t think you are over reacting, I would be mad too, I think out of respect just a text to say what time he will be home would be nice
No, you are not over reacting AT ALL. I totally get how you feel. Benny and I (sometimes) have the same issue with his lack of not communicating to me. I totally feel exactly the same as you do when Benny does the same damn thing to me. I absolutely hate it! It pisses me off, when he fails to communicate, but I don’t hate or despise him going out or hanging out with his buddies. You are not alone!!!
Geeeez, I thought I was the only one that went through this with their man — honey, I know exactly how you feel…
I’ve actually done this back to him, and you know what, NOTHING! It didn’t even make an impression, so yes, it’s definitely a man thing…
I don’t think they realize how much worrying goes on when they don’t text. Josh isn’t that great at texting me when he should but he does answer if I send a text. I worry a lot if I don’t know where my husband is and that he’s alright. Especially when it involves being out with the guys (they’re all Navy or ex-Navy and I know damn well that they can be extra stupid when alcohol is involved).
Maybe he needs a good smack to wake him up so he’ll realize wtf he’s doing.
I’m joining the group of ladies who commented before me about it. It’s a BAD guy thing and you’re not overreacting at all. My husband has done this to me CONSTANTLY. I don’t CARE that he goes out, just as long as he communicates some sort of ETA for the end of his night – especially if it goes longer since who knows if he’ll have gotten too drunk and subsequently pulled over and jailed or got into an accident. There have been times where he’s lied to me about where he is or who he’s with. JFC I DON’T CARE, BOY! I just want the little bit of respect that comes with you communicating with me when you’ll be home and NOT lying to me about shit like that.
Stupid boys and their selfish tendencies…
Im sorry
I dont think your overacting. I do agree that its a man thing. Maybe one day they will learn the hard way!! Congrats on your weight loss. Girl your getting so tiny!!!!
I can’t believe all the girls who are saying it’s just a “guy thing”. I’m sorry but no. That’s just making up an excuse for them. It’s not a guy thing it’s a completely disrespectful and asshole thing. There is no way in hell I’d stand for that and if it happened more than once you can bet your ass when he DID get home, I wouldn’t be there waiting.
Ben and I have a strict rule to just check in if we are going to be out later than we planned. I don’t care if he’s out all night with his friends as long as he just calls to let me know that he’s okay. I do the same thing.
I think you just need to talk with him and if he keeps repeating the stuff then that would be something that I’d call disrespectful because it’s not nice to just leave and not let anybody know where you are and what you are doing especially not coming home for the whole night.
I just want to add that I agree with Anna completely as well. This “guy thing” excuse is a load of bull shit.
OMG I had the same problem with an ex of mine. Example: He had some friends come over (a married couple) and they decided they wanted to go out drinking. Well we were broke and I didn’t want to a) mooch, and b) watch them drink, so I opted to stay home. My ex assured me he’d be home at some point (duh!), and if anything changed he’d let me know. The plan was for them to go out for a few hours, and the come home to hang out some more. That was around 6pm… fast forward to 7 am and still no freaking word. I was so pissed off at him I actually locked him out of the house, and put the swinging latch on so he couldn’t get in!
I got some lame story about the plans changing, and how was he gonna call me when he didn’t have a cell phone (even though his friends did and I know they would have let him use it… he just didn’t bother).
I wouldn’t have cared that the plans changed and that they stayed out all night.. but as you said the failure to communicate part was what made me so angry.
That is one of my biggest pet peeves. Oh, and I agree, the “it’s a man thing” is a lame excuse. It’s not hard to make a quick phone call or send a text.
My husband’s done that to me in the past. You’re obviously more patient than I am…I went off my nut at him! lol
It’s such a guy thing. Chris often does this when I’m staying at his over the weekend – even if the guys are just down in the garage playing pool or whatever, when he say that he’ll be up by 1am I expect him to either have hauled his ass up to bed around 1am or text me to say just to go to sleep and he’ll see me in the morning.
But noooo! That’d be too simple, right?
You’re not overrating at all, Jenn. I’d handle this the same, and feel just as frustrated, only you’re handling it a lot better then I would. I’d be out finding him, and beat his ass after I found out where he was. LOL.
I AGREE 100% WITH ANNA! I’m sorry, it’s bullshit. I’m also sad that so many of you guys have to put up with this crap from your significant other. Kevin’s never done that, possibly because he knows the first time would be the last time. If I’m 10 minutes late he assumes I’m laying in a ditch somewhere so he affords me the same courtesy.
Perhaps Jenn, turn about is fair play? Do the same to him. And where did he spend the night? Did neither Jason nor the brother ask if a call to Jenn was in order? I assume he blew off his day with Ryan as well? If he did take him out he wasn’t in top shape to be doing so, so in the end Ryan got the shaft in some way or another.
It’s kinda time to grow up, grab your balls, and pretend to be an adult dude. I dunno, all the new attention my newly skinny and looking pretty damn hot wife is getting would make me sit my ass as home and call in when I’m gonna go out with the boys!