As of September 18th, 2010, my brothers will have been in state custody for two years. We have celebrated birthdays and holidays under the watchful eye of state agency minions, and more recently on our own, at my mother’s house or mine, on approved “home visit” time. Both boys were in an emergency shelter together; then my fifteen year old brother was transferred to a special school that he spent a year at, while my youngest brother spent another five months at a shelter/detention center, and then went to a foster home. Right now my fifteen year old brother is in an awesome foster home, with a supportive, realistic older woman who knows both sides of the system.
I wish I could say the same for my twelve year old brother. Unfortunately, he is residing with foster parents who are verbally and emotionally abusive, and somewhat neglectful. He has been with this particular foster family for a year and four months. The problems started occurring about six months ago, but due to the foster parents downplaying things (obviously) and my youngest brother not telling us what was going on until recently, and even then telling us reluctantly for fear of being reprimanded or punished. I’m not going to go into details, but let’s just say that NO foster parent should use food as a reward or punishment (most recently my brother was served a cheese and toilet paper sandwich for dinner after he made several mistakes in cooking dinner on his own; he was then punished with time-outs and writing when he refused to eat the sandwich, and was denied dinner), punish a child complaining about chores by expecting him to do every single chore in the house and cook every single meal, then punish him further when he understandably bungles chores and cooking that he has never done before, cover their asses by accusing the child of lying and then punishing him for it, making him a target of insults and ridicule by not only themselves but by other foster children and their own biological children, telling him he doesn’t deserve anything, that his mother doesn’t love him, that his sister is a bitch (I take that as a compliment in this case, because yes, I will be a fierce, ferocious, aggressive bitch where my brothers are involved, and I abhor any parent or family member that wouldn’t be the same way when a child related to them was involved in something similar), etc.
Have I mentioned that this is my youngest brother, who is twelve but due to developmental delays is more like nine or ten, who is AUTISTIC and a lot like Ryan (or should I say, Ryan is a lot like him)? My blood is fucking boiling. FYI, these incidents and allegations have been reported not only by my twelve year old brother, but by my fifteen year old brother, who spent a weekend with them, and another foster child who unfortunately is staying with that family.
Tomorrow I will be accompanying my mom to a meeting that will include the foster parents, my brothers (they’ll be in a separate room while us adults meet to “discuss” what is going on), my brothers’ therapists, my mother’s parent mentor (who has heard about all of the incidents and allegations and due to what she has heard and seen herself believes everything), and the agencies that are coordinating the foster care. So help me god, heads are going to roll at this meeting. It was called after my mother and I ripped one of the minions at CPS and the agency that coordinates the foster care in our county a new one, since we have been complaining for MONTHS about these issues without anything being addressed. It was only after the food issue (see: cheese and toilet paper sandwich) and my mother and I exploding over the phone and a threat about going to the media that we were promised a meeting and a “resolution”.
There better be a fucking resolution, or I WILL go to the media and use my presence on the internet to shed plenty of light on what is going on. I’m not saying my brother is perfect, I’m not saying that foster parents aren’t entitled to a few “mistakes”, but what they are doing with the food and punishments and ridicule and insults and Cinderella-forced role on my brother is tantamount to CHILD ABUSE. What they’re doing is what regular parents go to jail and lose their children over. Why is my brother not being protected? That’s a question I will be directing to everyone involved in this mess tomorrow, and so help me god I better have an answer that sits well with me. And most importantly, my brother better NOT be going home with those fucktards.
woah woah woah.. TOILET PAPER AND CHEESE SANDWICH?!?!!? that alone should be grounds enough to have him removed and placed into a better home.. what the hell is wrong with these people that they would rip him from your mother only to place him into a home that is horribly abusive?!?! this sort of shit makes me so angry. i had some friends who were living in foster care and they suffered a lot of physical and emotional abuse from their foster parents. it disgusts me…
good luck to you and your mom and i hope you guys can help your brother out. that just sounds like an awful situation to be involved in…
Wow. It sounds like those people need to lose their license to be a foster family. That is just completely unacceptable.
Wow that is disturbing. I’ve always heard foster families usually aren’t the best types of families for children, but this is just crazy. My parents took in 2 kids last year, not really foster kids, but I guess it’s sort of the same concept. The girl they took in went to school with my sister, but later moved and my sister and her stayed in contact. Her parents have a drug problem and because of that rarely have electricity, food, water, etc. Finally, the mom contacted my mom and arranged for temporary custody, although DHS said if they go back to their parents they will be put in foster care because their parents are constantly in and out of jail. So, they are in school now and live a much better life than they were living with their parents and I look up to my parents for doing that.
But anyway, forgive me if this is too personal or if you’ve already talked about it before and I missed it, but why doesn’t your mom have your brothers?
WTF! That is just horrible
I hope the meeting goes well for you guys and he doesn’t go home with them.
thats rediculous. i hope that the meeting comes out positive for you and your brother. keep us updated and you guys are in my thoughts!
Ok I just typed up this long reply and it’s gone! Did you contact the ombudsperson like I suggested when all this started? Literally, they take care of complaints like this in a day or so because none of us are under the impression that all foster parents are good. What scares me is that these people actually think they are parenting in a correct way.
You know that when you go in there they are going to say that this is a strict family and that your brother is playing it up so be prepared. I’d just demand a new placement. After a year of complaints I can’t see why they won’t make that happen.
Also not trying to get too personal here,but isn’t your state going by that 18 months rule? How is it that they have been in foster care for 2 years and not having parental rights terminated already? Is there some type of plan here that runifies them with your mom? Maybe they are coming home soon and social services is seeing it as it’s not worth moving him?
I gotta say while I’m playing devils advocate and know that there are people out there that are in it for the money, that makes me sick. At the same time I can’t stand for a parent to wait it out until about 30 days before their kid has done their time in foster care at 17 months to bitch and complain that services were not provided and then make everyone go through the motions again.
It’s important that she gets these kids back, now, for everyone. If you need to push her to work towards it do so. I know there was an issue with the house and hoarding, do your part, but don’t do too much or it just won’t work out in the end! I feel so bad for your brothers!
Omg that is so mean! I hope you and your mom get things straighten out.
It absolutely amazes me how many ignorant fucktards are allowed in the system to foster children. I wish you and your brothers the best and hope the meeting turned out on their behalf.
I hope your brother gets placed somewhere else (or even better, home, if that’s possible). I mean, TOILET PAPER?! How on earth are these people foster parents? Don’t they have to be pre-approved and all that stuff? Ugh. I’m glad your other brother has been placed with someone that treats him (and you and your mother) well, because clearly she knows how she’s supposed to act and treat children, unlike this dementoid couple who thinks food as a reward is a good thing (I mean, I could actually understand sweets as a reward, because those aren’t necessary, but actual MEAL food as reward? Are they fucking kidding?)