The other day I called up my mom and left what was probably the most out-of-left-field message ever: “Do you have any extra birth control pills?”
I’m fixed, I have been fixed since Ryan was less than an hour old (worry-free sex is one of the best baby gifts ever!). While I was pregnant with him I asked and pleaded and deviled and demanded a tubal ligation after his birth, and ignored my obstetrician’s ludicrous suggestion that two children might not be enough for a 22 year old woman and a 24 year old man who both worked full-time to make ends meet. In the end, it took some hoop jumping, paperwork signing, and a counseling session or two, but I got my tubal ligation. I got the least effective form of “permanent” sterilization (plastic clamps placed on my fallopian tubes, rather than having the tubes themselves cut/burned/tied/sliced and diced to smithereens), but it’s still worry-free birth control that is hormonal-free, and doesn’t rely on me to take it in order for it to be effective.
So why would I want birth control pills? Simple: I’m due for my period on July 21st, 2010, and I want to do everything within my power to make sure that it doesn’t arrive that day. You see, a few weeks ago Dan scored free amusement park tickets from his job. Two weeks ago we made plans with his sisters to go to said amusement park on July 21st. Due to being so overweight, I have not been able to comfortably ride amusement park rides since 1998. Even in 1998 I was well over 200 lbs., probably pushing 240 lbs. or so. And when Dan, his sisters and I went to an amusement park two years ago? Forget it. At 325+ lbs. I was limited to the water rides, the ferris wheel, bumper cars, the whip, that rocking dragon boat that every amusement park has a different name for, and one roller coaster. I spent most of my time chilling on benches while Dan and his sisters enjoyed the park. I remember sitting here, wearing my sunglasses, willing myself not to cry, refusing to throw myself a pity party and swearing that I would do something about what I had become, that I wouldn’t set foot in another amusement park until I had lost at least one hundred pounds. And I didn’t. Dan went to two more amusement parks that summer and again last year, and I refused to accompany him. I wouldn’t be the fat woman relegated to a bench.
But now I’m hovering right around the 206 lb. mark, and based on my weight, my clothing sizes, and what everyone is telling my ignoring-the-logical-side-of-things brain, I’m small enough to enjoy an amusement park to the fullest. So needless to say, I am very excited about going next Wednesday! And of course this is one of my favorite amusement parks. And of course it has a new kick-ass water park, complete with all sorts of fun water slides and a wave pool. So my period? Better not show up. Or else. So I have seven days worth of full strength birth control pills, and I started taking them Wednesday evening. According to my mom, my doctor and everything I’ve read, the week’s worth of pills should be enough to delay my period for 1-3 days. I don’t care if it starts when we return that night, just so long as it holds off until after the amusement park!
Yes, I realize what a total tool I am to mess up my body with synthetic hormones just to be able to go to an amusement park without worrying about my period (if I do get it I’ll go anyway, but it’ll be a pain to deal with pain and cramps and tampons, especially in and around a water park!), but you don’t understand my desperation, my elation, my excitement, my sense of achievement. I AM DOING THIS. Damn the consequences.*
* Which may or may not include an especially heavy, painful period that will reduce me to a sobby mess next week. Oh well. I’ll deal with it then.
I completely understand why you’re doing it, even though I hate rollercoasters! I hope the birth control pills work though, and that you have an amazing time at the park.
I totally get it; this is about more than just going to an amusement park for you–it’s a milestone! I completely understand why you wouldn’t want to have to deal with mother nature. I mean, I just realized that I’ll have my period when I next go on vacation (at the end of August) and the thought ruined the rest of the day for me. I shall deal (I’m allergic to hormonal BC :-/) but it’ll be a pain. Good on you for taking control where you can. :-)
I hope you are able to push your period back long enough until after your vacation. On another note, how long did it take you to get your glasses in from zenni optical (if ya don’t mind me asking)?