I recently read Ashley’s post, Obesity =/= Lazy, and it really struck a chord with me. She hit the nail on the head: when you’re fat, people are never happy with you, they’re never satisfied or approving of anything you do.
If you eat a generous amount of food, you’re mocked and/or criticized for overeating. If you eat a very small amount of food, the snide comments like, “Girl, please, as if you can maintain that figure on that amount of food” roll in. Even if you eat a healthy meal and a proper portion of it, you’re still criticized.
If you go out and exercise, whether it be at the gym, at the pool, or simply at your local park, you’re looked at and judged for trying to get fit. If you don’t, the suggestions of exercise are either subtle or quite pointed.
If you try to dress up and look nice, or just fashionable and trendy, you get the “What’s the point in even trying?” stares and remarks. If you just schlump about in whatever you pulled out of your closet, sans makeup or jewelry, critical comments about how much better you’d look if you just did something with yourself are abound.
I’ve reached a point where, for the most part, I just don’t give two shits anymore. People who see me see me as a fatty, since I’m over two hundred pounds (just 203.6 today, by the way!!!). But what they don’t see is what I’ve gone through to get where I am, and that at one point I was well over three hundred pounds. People see me in shorts and tank tops and probably think, “Cover that shit up!”, but what they don’t see is how good I feel about myself compared to how I did feel myself, and my determination to be comfortable in the hot weather, rather than sweltering in denim capris or jeans. People see me eating tiny nibbles of portions of this and that, and then asking for a to-go box at restaurants, and probably think I’m just another fat girl trying to look good in public, but what they don’t see is my gastric bypass surgery scars. People see me eating a protein bar when I’m at the park or at the pool, and probably think it’s just a regular candy bar and that this fatty needs to get her chocolate craving on, but what they don’t see is that it’s a protein-packed bar that makes up one of my meals for the day. People see me walking my dog or swimming in the pool and think, “Damn, stop making that cellulite jiggle”, but what they don’t see is that I am keeping physically active.
This really is a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don’t society. Society is not happy with obese people (and trust me when I say that most of us obese people are not very happy with ourselves either!), but instead of being encouraging, they continue to be critical, judgmental, and downright discouraging. How can you do that to fellow human beings? Whether you’re 110 lbs. or 310 lbs. you’re a person, with a brain, a mind, a heart, emotions, feelings, needs, wants, desires. You can’t just trash a person for what they’re trying to achieve and then act surprised when that person — and many others — eventually throw in the towel. How can you act like that towards others and sleep at night? I just don’t get it. But I do know that what goes around comes around, and if you’re a shallow, nasty person, you will get your comeuppance at some point.
I’m confident in saying that I have reached a point where, for the most part, I really don’t give two shits anymore. I know who I am, I know where I am and where I’ve been, I know what I’ve accomplished, and I know what it’s like to be determined and to persevere in order to make it happen.
P.S. SHAZAM! Enjoy the view:
Good for you
I started feeling, somewhat, this way this summer when I started wearing shorts again. Even though, I haven’t started exercising and watching what I eat like I need and want too, I decided that who cares what people say or think about how I look; I want to be comfortable not burning up in 100+ degree weather!
You look great and you deserve to be proud and not give a damn what people think. YOU SHOULD BE proud of what you’ve accomplished and it doesn’t matter how. You’re doing it in a healthy way. That is all that matters.
Good for you Jen! You look truly amazing!!
Jenn! You look fantastic!
Congratulations
You should be ridiculously proud of yourself.
Here here hun, you have done amazingly! Ignore everyone else
I think society is so caught up with an ideal beauty that boys and girls grow up with the misguided conception of what beauty is. And i think that is so sad because really everyone is not perfect! I think you are beautiful the way you are and you should be proud of you accomplishments! I think you look amazing! =)
Cover that shit up?
Take it off! You look amazing!
I agree with you 100%. In today’s society we are all about political correctness (which I am against) except for when it comes to overweight people.
BTW, you look too stinken cute in that picture!
It’s really a shitty situation to be in, you know? People never stop to think that maybe they’ve struggled with weight their whole lives and they assume that it should be easy for us to just lose the weight.
I know for me I started gaining weight as a child because I had asthma really bad and was put on steroids. From that point it seemed like I just kept gaining weight. I’d go on diet after diet as a teenager, but I always eventually gave up. I look at myself now and think about how much easier it would have been if I had just tried harder to lose weight at 170lbs and I beat myself up about it, but that’s a really unhealthy way to look at things. I hate that people don’t consider the simple fact that we have being fat just as much as they hate looking at us or seeing us doing anything for that matter.
The worst thing ever happened to me just a couple of days ago. My boyfriend and I were walking around in downtown Vancouver and this crazy lady comes out of nowhere and is like “he’s so skinny” I just smiled because he is skinny and then she proceeds to say “Does it not bother you being with a fat girl?” And, I literally wanted to cry, but luckily I had sunglasses on and you couldn’t see the humiliation on my face. I just laughed it off and pretended I was fine. It’s people like that that make me sick. Trevor handled the situation very well though.
You look amazing btw and I really can’t wait to be closer to that 100 mark again. I imagine it feels wonderful.
You look amazing. I agree with everything you had to say.
Jen you look so fantastic, I am so proud of you!
Damn, you look good!
Good for you!! I love your expression in that picture, you look so happy 
I’m glad you’ve managed to ignore peoples stupid behavior!
I don’t want to just be the negative one here, but the obese=lazy is fairly true. You don’t become obese because you’re jogging 5 miles and doing 1000 crunches a day. You don’t keep your weight on because you’re eating a small salad and a serving of baked chicken. Taking care of your family or doing basic things doesn’t mean that you’re not lazy. And honestly, most people don’t ridicule people who are a little overweight. Just because someone looks at your doesn’t mean they’re insulting you in their head. I’ve never been around anyone who ever says anything about a fat person eating a salad. And, please no one respond to me about health conditions causing obesity…. that’s irrelevant as the percentage is so small.
As much as I agree with you, I have to say that having WLS is NOT the same as dieting and exercising. I know you’ve been through hell with the dumping and vomiting, but you physically CANNOT eat portions you could before. You’re pretty much GUARANTEED to lose weight somehow because your stomach cannot hold that much. I’m not saying that it was by any means “easy” or that you just magically lost weight and felt super the whole time, I’m just saying that it’s not the same as LITERALLY working your ASS off by dieting and exercising. I’ve lost 60 lbs on my own and am still going strong, and I’m proud of myself. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be proud, but I do give people more credit when they lose weight by their own means and not relying on surgery to fix it for them. If that makes me an ignorant wench, sobeit. But I’m an empowered ignorant wench, because I know I took the initiative and lost the weight on my own.
@Mar: I’m not offended at all. Losing weight is hard, no matter how you go about it, and there is definitely something to be said for accomplishing it with physical exercise and self-restraint with food. Both methods of weight loss are hard and demanding, but in different ways. And believe me, I myself feel like I have to clarify *how* I lost weight, so that people who have lost weight the “old-fashioned way” get the credit they deserve.
With that said, gastric bypass/lap band isn’t just a “sit back and watch the weight come off” solution. I have to work hard to make sure I get enough protein in, and to make sure I’m taking enough and the right kinds of vitamins. Also, it is possible to overeat or consume too many fat grams and calories after weight loss surgery. I haven’t done it myself, as I have no desire to really cheat and no plans to sabatoge what I have done, but I know of others who have.
With all that said, congratulations on your weight loss!
Great suit, looks good.
Also, interesting post. Damn if you do, damned if you don’t is so applicable here but not everyone realizes it. Sometimes ignorance even is bliss, for the very reasons you outlined in your post.