On November 18th, 2009, I had gastric bypass surgery. At my heaviest I was 331 lbs (April 2009). On the morning of my surgery I was 286.6 lbs, the “lightest” I had been in at least three years.
A few days ago I reached 186 lbs, the “lightest” I have been in at least twelve years, and exactly one hundred pounds lighter than I was on the day I choose to permanently change my digestive system. Despite feeling like ass (I’m telling you, gallbladder surgery recovery has been wicked; I’d almost go through childbirth again if I had a choice between that and this!), I grabbed my camera to take a photo.
And because my weight loss journey has been about me being honest with myself, and with my blog, I’m going to post that photo as a comparison to my post-op photo. Warning: while both photos are SFW, both show my midsection without a top.
Morbid obesity is ugly. What’s left after you get away from morbid obesity, especially if you opt for weight loss surgery (which not only usually guarantees the process, but expedites it), is uglier. I can’t tell you how weird it is to feel so “small” yet still so huge, to feel so good yet so ashamed. I hate my midsection. Hate it. Loathe it. I know I did it to myself (though I’m sure two pregnancies and a c-section added to things a bit), so I don’t wallow in self-pity or mope, but I do hate and loathe it. I also cover it up, tuck it in and flatten it with Spanx and tight fitting camis, whatever it takes to keep things under wraps.
After I reach my goal weight — 160 lbs or whatever my body has in mind — and stabilize, the next thing to wrap my mind around is the idea of plastic surgery. That kind of surgery scares me. What I’ve heard about the post-operative pain terrifies me. But I’m willing to do it. It’s just something that will take me at least several years to work toward, if for nothing other than purely financial reasons.
But if the condition of my midsection is the worst “side effect” of gastric bypass and of losing over 140 lbs, so be it. I’ll embrace it. I’m happier. Healthier. I have more confidence and self-esteem. I’ve hopefully ensured that I will live longer than I would have at 300+ lbs. I’m setting a better example for my daughter and my son. I’m a better wife to my husband. I’ve hopefully secured myself a spot in life for long enough to see my children have children. I want to be a grandmother, and not one that dies when my grandchildren are too young to have more than vague memories of me.
For those of you who are overweight and are gaining weight, stop now. It’s hard, but make the choices you need to in order to prevent yourself from reaching the point I did. Do whatever it takes. Cut out those extra 200, 100, even 50 calories a day. Those calories will quickly add up, and before you know it you’ll be not only obese, but morbidly obese.
For those of you who are 250 lbs, 300 lbs, 350 lbs or more, don’t let this post frighten you away from significant weight loss. The trade-off is worth it, I promise you.
For those of you who have midsection issues like I do, feel free to share your preferred shapewear! 
Hello! I'm Jenn, and this is my blog. I'm 28, married to a sexy man named Daniel, and mother to an eight year old girl named Alyssa and a six year old autistic boy named Ryan. I'm obsessed with all things hot 
Wow, thanks for sharing your journey so honestly. I can’t imagine the struggles you have been through, but you and your family must be so proud, you truly seem to be an amazing woman.
Amber
Thank you for your bravery. Your honesty is admirable and your warnings are not going unheard.
It’s amazing how much our mid-sections look alike, yet I’ve never been morbidly obese, nor have I had surgery. It’s still one of those things I loathe. It’s most likely one of those things that if I want a completely flat stomach without the panda pouch over hang, I’ll most likely have to look into plastic surgery for as well. It is scary, but honestly I think we deserve to feel happy with ourselves and our bodies.
I’ve always enjoyed your pieces on your surgery, simply because it was a route I never took – for me, personally, it was the ‘easy way out’, because I knew nothing about it.
Due to other health issues, I started seeing a trainer in January and the weightloss is very gradual and because of that I might be lucky enough to escape cosmetic surgery when the weight does come off. I guess what I’m trying to say is that your journey has been drastic, eye-opening and an education for me in something that I had no idea about and that every time my routine frustrates me, I remind my self that both ways are hard.
I’m worried this reads poorly. I think the commitment and changes you’ve made are mindblowing, with an incredible pay-off. I know seeing photographs of you since your surgery has encouraged me that I will eventually get there. And that both sides of the coin have benefits and struggles.
My mid-section looks the same if not worse. I need to listen to you and do something about all this weight I have gained.Thank you for being so honest and brave to show pictures.You have come a long way.
Thank you for posting on this, you are so brave, I think you look amazing and you have come such an amazing long way!
Thank you Jenn.
I am happy you don’t regret your decision and you are happy with the results, but your blog seems to be very popular and therefore this post is very important.
Thank you for giving people all the tools they may need to make their own decision on the matter…one way or the other
You should probably consider plastic surgery before you reach 160. Most people I know who get post-gastric bypass plastic surgery have up to 20 pounds of skin removed. That could potentially put you below your goal weight and you might also never actually reach your goal weight due to excess skin weight
Hi Jenn,
I’ve commented before on your blog, but I want to commend you one more time on your honesty and bravery. I had gastric bypass surgery in March of 2002 (when I was merely 17). At my heaviest I was 315lbs and now I am at my lowest which varies between 175-180lbs. I had the same problems with my stomach/breasts/thighs/upper arms. I chose to have plastic surgery on my stomach and breasts. I had a tummy tuck and breast augmentation in 2006. I haven’t looked back. Sure, there are things that I still dislike about my body (ie: arms and legs) but I think of how far I’ve come. Theres only so much exercise can do for saggy skin, so now I am contemplating an upper arm lift, but I’m still on the fence. If there is ANYTHING you need to talk about or any advice I can give you about my procedure please let me know, as I’m here to help. I’ve gone through what you are going through now and you should do whatever makes you happy!
I have always admired how honest you are about everything and the raw truth in this post is especially admirable. I am so proud of you for how far you have come and everything you have had to do to get here. I hope that the rest of your journey goes just how you want it to go and I’m looking forward to seeing you reach your goal because I know you will! You have definitely been an inspiration to me to lose weight. I have teetered between 200 and 230 for a few years now and although my battle isn’t as grand as yours, I know how hard it can be to lose weight.
Keep smiling. Keep inspiring. <3