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Sometimes I feel so alone, even in a house full of people

I am worn the fuck out. My period is doing a number on me this month: severe pain in the girly parts region, lower back, sides, etc. The bleeding… ugh, don’t even get me started. On Monday night I managed to bleed through two thick liners, a thick pad, my underwear, and my thick-fabric yoga pants. Yesterday I bled through a Diva Cup, a liner, a pad, my underwear and my jeans. I discovered this in the doctor’s office, of course, and then had to drive twelve miles back home, past all of my other destinations, to change before going back out to take care of my other necessary errands (dropping off paperwork with CPS, getting the oil changed in my car, picking up medicine at Target, etc.).

(On a related note, I finally saw a gastro specialist yesterday for my abdominal pain. She gave me prescriptions for Prilosec in case it’s an ulcer — I don’t think it is, as this type of pain doesn’t seem to be like ulcer pain from everything I’ve read about ulcers — as well as an anti-spasm medication to take the next time I get an attack. I’m also scheduled for both an endoscopy and a colonoscopy on October 27th. Both are being done at the same time, and I’ll be put out before the procedure. Lucky me.
Oh, and she also mentioned that my white blood count — blood was taken in August — is up. What does that mean?)

This morning I indulged in the rare luxury of going back to bed after I sent Alyssa and Ryan off to school. Usually once I’m up, I’m up, especially during the week, but this morning I was just so tired, and the weather was perfect for sleeping – dark, dreary, lightly raining – that I just couldn’t resist. I laid in bed until the UPS truck came by around 11, and even then I went back to bed, though I didn’t fall back asleep. But now I’m up, because my life is one big constant to-do list, and even as I sit here typing this, with my work-related tabs opened up in the background of this tab, there are still other things nagging at me, things I should be doing: folding the laundry in the dryer so I can get the wet stuff out of the washer before it mildews; whipping together the ingredients for brownies so there’s a decent dessert tonight; figuring out dinner in case I do decide to go with a crockpot meal, since I’d have to get it going now, etc.

The obvious solution that everyone suggests to me, and I even suggest to myself, is to enlist the four other able-bodied individuals in this household to help out more. Dan does when I ask, and sometimes he’ll take the initiative to do a load of laundry or make dinner, but he’s also busy with his work. Alyssa and Ryan do chores each day, and they both often volunteer to put Leah out or bring her in, and the other day Ryan surprised me by volunteering to put Alyssa’s clean clothes away after he put his away (I wash and fold their laundry, and even sort it into appropriate piles to make it quicker to put everything away, but I do ask the kids that they put their own things away), but they’re young children, and right now I think they’re still a little overwhelmed at suddenly going to school for eight hours a day. By the time they get home it’s close to 4:30pm, and with bedtime at 7:30pm, that doesn’t leave them a lot of time to unwind, read books (homework) or just play.

Then there’s my brother, Puff. At sixteen, with a bedtime at 10:00pm and an arrival time of 3:30pm (I find it so weird that the elementary school starts an hour later and thus ends an hour later than the middle school and high school), he’s most definitely an apt candidate for helping out with household chores, especially since he has a laptop, a cellphone, and a $40 monthly allowance. But, blame it on the autism or his upbringing or just his own laziness, Puff is not good with chores. A lot of the time it’s an uphill battle for me to get him to do stuff, and while it’s wrong of me to sometimes back down and just do it myself, it’s also sometimes mentally easier to just do whatever task it is than to ride him to get it done. But on the flip side, that was my mom’s method of things, and we all know how well that worked out. So 95% of the time, I do take on the mental battle of getting Puff to do chores, and to do them right. That’s another issue of his: he is so impatient that he just rushes through things, and more than half the time has to go back and do it again because he messed up or made a bigger mess the first time around. Such as been the case with vacuuming the carpets, sweeping the floor, doing the dishes, mowing the lawn, etc. But he is improving, and Dan and I are doing our best to rein in our frustration and provide positive reinforcement and general encouragement, so yeah.

I feel rather lonely right now. I know a lot of it is probably related to my period, combined with another attack of abdominal pain on Tuesday afternoon. The misery they both provide plus the drowsiness and zoning out the prescribed muscle relaxants and painkillers hit me with, and then this dreary weather we’ve had since Tuesday, I guess it isn’t too surprising that my overall mood has been affected. I’m trying to fight it, but it’s hard when marital/family issues arise to further complicate things and drain me of any perkiness and positivity I did have left. My reserves are depleted, yo.

Dan and I got into a big fight late Tuesday night. I don’t want to go into too many details, but I will say that what we fought about has been just under the surface for quite a while now (several months, possibly several years), and it all came to a head on Tuesday when I asked Dan, of all mundane things, to please come home and take Alyssa and Ryan to their Back To School Night at school that evening so I could take some pain relief medication, because the abdominal pain was getting worse, not better, and the 1/2 Vicodin I had taken that afternoon wasn’t enough. The issue we fought about aside, Dan seemingly has a lot of resentment, towards me, over any presumed loss of his “free” time (that is, time not spent at work or commuting to/from work). Dan swears that it’s mostly related to the issue we fought about, but this time/resentment issue has been ongoing for many years now — it’s just gotten worse recently — so I have my doubts.

At some point during our fight Dan lashed out at me about the fact that I did not even grow up with a father, so how am I supposed to know or have any realistic expectations of a father or of a husband who is also a father. That hurt, for multiple reasons. For one, it is possible to have knowledge and realistic expectations of something you yourself did not necessarily experience. And second, growing up without a father sucked. It sucked when I was a child, but in different ways than how it sucks now, as an adult who still doesn’t have a father.

(For those who don’t know: my parents separated when I was six, and divorced the following year. My father had and still has some mental issues, including depression, anxiety, and severe OCD. I had visitations with my father and phone calls, and he sent me birthday cards and holiday cards, but by the time I reached my teens his mental issues became worse, and we lost touch for several years. I found him back in 2004 and we have exchanged a few letters and phone calls a year since then, but now for the last two years my father is once again a recluse who won’t turn on his cellphone or write replies to any letters I send. Our relationship, at best, is casual. I recognize him as my father in the biological sense, but other than that there is no real father/daughter relationship. How could there be?)

A few other things came out, including assumptions and opinions of me from people Dan and I both know. Their judgments of my character and how I supposedly feel about Dan and treat him not only hurt, but were very offensive, because they are not true. And the fact that they voiced these opinions to Dan in such a manner that now he is questioning me himself (he swears he’s not, but from the things he has asked/said to me I have my doubts) is doubly hurtful. These two individuals know me better than that. At least, I thought they did. In any case, I am trying not to dwell on that too much, except that Dan hangs out with them at least once a week, and as I’ve apparently been one of their topics of discussion recently, I won’t be surprised if I come up again, and Dan comes home with more gems and pearls of “wisdom” to share with me.

With all of this going on, my number one priority is to FIX what’s wrong in our relationship, once and for all. And I can, at least when it comes to a lot of what we fought about. But I don’t know how to ease Dan’s seeming insecurities and questions about me, and I’m more than a little resentful over his resentment over his supposed loss of his “free time”. But it’s easier for me to deal with my own insecurities and resentment than to deal with his, if that makes sense. He thinks I’m overreacting, and maybe I am just a bit, but I told him the other night throughout our fight that I am done asking things of him, because clearly he can’t/doesn’t want to handle it, and I don’t want to keep burdening him, which I’m apparently doing. Whether it’s mowing the lawn or giving the kids a bath or picking up the eggs that I forgot to buy during a morning grocery run, I’ll take care of it all. He obviously needs all the time he can get to keep his shit together and be happy, and considering what we fought about, that’s the least I can do for him, for right now.

But then that is causing issues, because I also told him, and I meant it, that I don’t want sex to be a part of the equation. Despite growing up without a father and thus having the stereotypical daddy/daughter issues, I respect myself too damn much to give my body to someone who has told me on two separate occasions that a “small part” of him hates me. Yes, hate. His word, not mine. He swears now that he didn’t mean it, but I personally believe all words are meant, maybe not in their entirety, but they’re uttered on some grain of truth. Until that rift and those wounds are healed, I won’t let sex complicate things or cloud my judgment, or his for that matter. (Besides, with the attack of his seemingly crotch-eating fungal infection not showing any signs of going the hell away, it’s not as if sex anytime soon is a possibility anyway.)

On a somewhat related note, the gastro specialist I met with was the second medical professional in a month to ask me if I am taking anything or seeing anyone to help me deal with everything going on in my life (mainly the stuff with my mom and brothers, and Ryan’s autism and those issues). I laughed at both. Anti-depressants? Therapy? Do I really need those? I have my shit together. Why is that such a surprise? Should I not have my shit together? Or am I falling apart and just not seeing it?

I’m glad that weekend is almost here, because I am drained. The physical issues, the emotional ones, the damn stupid dreary weather… it’s all just too much for me this week.


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17 replies to “Sometimes I feel so alone, even in a house full of people” - Go to comment form

  1. You are allowing Dan to do the same thing your brother does. He’s throwing a fit so he doesn’t have to do anything and you are letting him. So I don’t know how you expect Puff to NOT try the same thing.

    And I’m sorry but boo-fucking-hoo to Dan. YOU WORK TOO. If Ben came to me and said all that while I was working 40 hours a week AND taking care of the entire house AND three kids, I’d tell him to go live somewhere else and hire a maid and chef to cater to him the way he wants.

    This isn’t the first time I’ve heard you say that he’s complained about this issue. I know at one point you talked about going to counseling but I don’t know if you ever followed up with that but I’d highly suggest it. Right now he’s listening to the wrong people (his friends, not you) and you might need a more unbiased third party to help you properly convey how selfish he is being.

    • Amen! Your brother, and ultimately Ryan and Alyssa will try this as well. This isn’t the first time you’ve said these things, and I guess I kinda have to wonder when Dan is gonna grow the hell up and realize that this is life, if he doesn’t like it then he should change it. Maybe he needs help, maybe he needs the anti depressants. If he simply wants to work his shift and then game or drink with the boys then he needs to do everyone a favor and just check out and let you move on and find a man to be a companion.

      On the flip side GOOD FOR YOU for the whole not letting sex cloud the situation. I also have to note, when would you find time in your day to let your shit fall apart? How can you possibly not keep it together…everything would fall apart. Jenn just remember that being with a man isn’t worth his paycheck or the idea of having a “family” if ever you need to you could do this all on your own…you practically do it anyhow.

  2. Kecia

    #

    I think you have every right to be upset/resentful regarding Dan’s attitude. Doesn’t he recognize or appreciate all of the time you spend working, raising your family, and taking care of everything?

    Parents don’t get all of the free time they want. I only have one child, and I quickly realized that you do what needs to be done, and then worry about “free time” for yourself later. You have every right to ask him for help when it comes to the kids or household chores, as you deserve time for yourself just as much as he does. His behavior is just added stress that you do not need, especially with all you are going through (your mom, health issues, CPS, etc).

    I am seriously amazed at how you can handle everything in your life so well. I think the doctors are also amazed, that you can do it all and not need some type of depression therapy. It would probably drive a lot of women mad to be in your situation. Kudos to you for having the amount of strength that you do to handle everything life has thrown at you. *HUGS*

  3. I’m not awake enough to touch on ALL the topics you covered but seriously, your husband needs to step it up.

    My husband works 6 days a week, a MINIMUM of 10 hour days (normally 12-14) in a very high stress, very physically demanding job, and still comes home to:

    wash/stuff diapers
    makes the beds with fresh sheets (he does it better than me lol)
    do dishes
    play with the boys
    help me make dinner OR makes dinner for him and the kids (on the nights I’m not hungry/want something no one else wants)
    and more

    His ONE DAY OFF per week? Playing with the boys, doing some sort of yard work or house work (painting/repairing/re-decorating/fixing shit I break during the week). Plus helps me catch up on any day to day chores I wasn’t able to do or helps with the grocery shopping for the week.

    I’m a bit tougher with relationships (my sister says I have steel balls heh), however after everything I went through with DS1’s bio father (you remember), I realized I needed a MAN and a FATHER, not a whiny bratty adult child.

    Free time is BEFORE kids and AFTER they are 18.

    It sounds like he REALLY resents you. For what? He had a choice to either stick with you in a boyfriend type fashion, marry you, or leave the relationship when you got pregnant with your daughter (I remember all the crap that happened back then…).

    He has a choice now honestly, if he doesn’t like it, he needs to be honest with you and change it. It’s not fair to you or your kids to be in and display an unhealthy dynamic with your husband.

    Look up “gaslighting”. Your husband is throwing your past, your insecurities at you to deflect the situation from himself. It’s YOUR fault right? You’re too… whatever it is that he says (crazy, emotional, sensitive, clingy, loud, WHATEVER IT IS). This is so he seems “wonderful” and you seem insane.

    I’m sure he has good qualities, however over the past decade, watching you go from dating, to engaged, to married, to married w/kids… he isn’t progressing. He is stuck in that teen mentality of “want want want” “me me me” rather than “wife and kids” at his age. I think in part maybe you enabled some of the behavior. Getting together so young, the pregnancy with your daughter was a very hard time for you emotionally with him, maybe you’ve stayed all these years subconsciously out of fear because you don’t think you can do it on your own or find someone who DESERVES you? That you don’t think you deserve better?

    Would you want your daughter to be in your marriage when she’s an adult? Would you want your son to act like your husband when he is an adult?

    I doubt it.

    You need marriage counseling. If he is unwilling to go, that is a HUGE red flag in my eyes.

    When it comes to your brother and chores? Same battle here with my oldest who will be 10 (omg) in January. He’ll DO the chore… half-assed. Not for lack of showing how to do the chore properly, however he just doesn’t get that sense of pride from a job well done. I partially blame the living environment with his bio-father and my own father since that’s where he learned the most lessons from birth-7yrs so it’s sort of like a bad habit to break. Just stay consistent, I tend to get REAL PERKY in showing him how to load the dishwasher for example “DO IT AGAIN!!! AND AGAIN!!! YOU CAN DO ITTT!”

    If you ever want to text or anything, let me know and I’ll shoot you my #. Sorry for rambling!

    • Stephanie

      #

      http://thecurrentconscience.com/blog/2011/09/12/a-message-to-women-from-a-man-you-are-not-“crazy”/ Here is a great article I read recently about gaslighting. I was actually going to mention gaslighting, but Sarah beat me to it! But seriously, I think you’ll find a lot of your relationship in here. I have been reading your blog since before Alyssa was born, so I’ve seen the ups and downs you have had with Dan (the ones you made public, anyway). I’ve always been of the opinion you’re too forgiving. I agree with everyone else; he needs to grow up. For your sake, for the kids’ sake, for his own sake, I hope he does.

  4. I don’t have any great words of wisdom for you since my marriage has been extremely rocky for the past 4 years and is just now improving (maybe?) but I wanted you to know that I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

  5. Rhianna

    #

    Wow….
    Thats a whole lot to process and its not even happening to me.
    I don’t have any advice for you but I agree w/ the other commentors esp Sara.
    I’m sure normally you just power thru all this and dont even let it be a blip on your radar, I’m the same way. But if you dont take the time to deal w/ your emotions you will crack and that takes a lot longer to fix. Maybe counseling would be a good idea, if not for both for you at least.
    IDK…hugs :0)

  6. This is quite a bit to take in and read. There’s no doubt that you’re stressed. You’ve got a LOT going on between being a wife, mother, foster parent and of course working from home.

    I don’t think Dan really appreciates what you do on a daily basis and that you don’t get “free time.” Honestly, if he wanted free time to play games and socialize with people he should’ve stayed single and not started a family. Hands down.

    I agree with you on the fact that what people say, even if they say they didn’t mean it, do mean it because why else would you say that? I felt like you were talking about my relationship when you mentioned people talking about you to Dan.

    Randy’s best friend’s mom and his best friend constantly talked down about me to him because I didn’t work outside the home, but instead stayed home with a newborn, very needy puppy and played taxi bitch 2 hours a day. He was fine with the arrangement but after constant harassment and insulting me, he began to absorb those feelings himself and it is/was a HUGE part of what split us up intiallly. Keeping company with people who do that is detrimental to the relationship. As Randy and I have discussed, if friends/family cannot respect our marriage then they cannot be around either of us. Our marriage is worth MORE than that and I will say it again, if they cannot respect you and Dan doesn’t stick up for you and continues to allow them to be disrespectful about you in front of him then that is HIS issue and HE doesn’t respect you either. It will only get worse, because they only know what he tells them or what they assume about the situation and don’t know how everything really is.

    I’ll agree that counseling sounds like it is not an option anymore. You need to remedy the issues that go deep inside your marriage and figure out how to fix them or they will continue to build and tear you down. Again, not the best person for relationship advice, but since Randy and I have only survived on words the past 14 months we’ve done a lot of talking about why we split and fixing/identifying the issues to prevent another journey down that path.

    You need to take some sort of action, whatever that may be. *hugs* You do so much Jenn and you’re only human.

  7. Basically going to agree w/ everything Sarah, Kecia, and Anna have said. We don’t have kids yet, but Branden is still a huge help to me around the house. Forever helping me with dishes, does HIS OWN laundry, fold it and puts it away, cleans the cat box, and any other household-y things I need help with. He also works a bare minimum of 40 hours a week (usually around 50, but sometimes up to 60).

    And I don’t have to ASK him to do any of it. He just does it because we made our marriage a partnership. Not a he works so I do all the housework or vise versa situation. We share the responsibilities of running our household and we do so without complaint.

    I hope you can get into marriage counseling and work on your problems.

  8. Emily

    #

    I am going to be honest with you, but please don’t think I’m hating on you.

    I’ve read your blog since before you had Alyssa. While, I might not comment a lot or know every little details that goes on in your life or remember everything that happened to you over the years, I do know one thing…and that is you put up with more BS than anyone I know. I really look up to you because of how strong you all and all the things you’ve accomplished with all the bad in your life. I give you props girl! Really! :)

    However, your husband is another thing. You’ve complained about the things Dan has done in the past, but then you turn around and say that he is wonderful and that he is great. And I don’t doubt that he can be, but I also remember you saying that he has walked out on you before. I think you are too forgiving and willing to make it work that you let him do these things to you. You let him belittle your feelings. Honestly, it doesn’t matter how little something is or why you’re upset or even if it’s “stupid” things that are upsetting you, he shouldn’t say you’re overreacting. I hated it so much when my ex would say that to me. They are my feeligns and they’re not a small matter to me.

    On top of that, when he goes out and bitch about you to other people, he is really just releasing his anger and fustration. However, he also should know that people don’t understand that sometimes and they take it to mean something more than it should. I vent all the time about certain things to people, but I just wanted to vent. He should undertand that those people don’t know the whole story and so their suggestions or things they think about you should be taken with a gain of salt.

    I don’t know your whole relationship, but it just looks like sometimes he’s looking for a way out. And the whole thing about hating you a little and then telling you he doesn’t mean it…ha! Yeah, he does or else it would have never cross his mind to think and say it. On some level he does mean it. It may or may not get bigger.

    You guys do need some counseling before it gets bigger and the little hate will be a bigger hate.

    Relationships are complicated and when you marry so young, it can be worse because you don’t get to experience your teens and 20’s and have that freedom before settling down.

    I can’t speak for Dan on what he needs and maybe he doesn’t even know what he wants. But you need to stop putting up with crap that Dan and your brother does. You have more to do than any of them and instead of being whiny babies, they should appreciate you and not take you for granted. How would Dan feel if you and him switched places for a day? He wouldn’t be able to handle it. He goes to work and gets to escape when he’s at work and you don’t…at all! Honestly, he doesn’t deserve free time because his free time should be helping you out and then you both can enjoy free time. He doesn’t get to have free time while you don’t. How is that fair?

  9. Someone

    #

    Wow. Breathe! I feel for you.

    I didn’t have a father in my life either and because of that I feel like my expectations for husband are pretty much nil. Everything I get seems like a huge bonus.” Wow, you rinsed your DISHES, honey!! I’m so proud of you!” “You got your dirty clothes into the hamper instead of onto the floor next to the hamper! GOLD STAR!” Expressing my frustration over my feeling overwhelmed at times doesn’t mean I have some grand idea of what a man does.

    However, I have said once ‘I hate you!’ I didn’t mean it, I was in a very bad place and under water financially, staring at bills I couldn’t possibly pay etc. I felt guilty for a while, but there’s a point where I had to stop feeling guilty or letting that little tantrum be held over my head. People make mistakes. Hopefully Dan didn’t mean it, either. It’s possible : )

  10. perhaps dan should just go live with his mother for a week and maybe that will help him determine if he wants a wife or a mommy to take care of everything.

  11. Pretty much anything that I would say has already been said, but I would add that the last time Andrew complained about not having free time I took a position in northern Virginia and Claire and I left. It wasn’t necessarily a split, we had been discussing it previously, but that made my mind up right there. I was working full time and caring for Claire and the house and all he was doing was going to school, and he wanted to talk to me about free time and the lack there of. I don’t fault him, I understand Claire was unplanned and we were still enjoying our 20s when she came along, but when you’re a parent you just have to grow the fuck up and move on. After spending just a few days away 5 hours away from us, he realized pretty quickly that all of his new free time would be happier spent with his family. Maybe Dan just needs to wake up and realize what he has before he has nothing.

  12. I’m not gonna be as harsh as some people have been because I know what its like to have marital issues. Keep your head up and do what you feel is best for you and your children.

    As far as the antidepressants go, i dont necessarily think you need those, but you may benefit from a nerve pill you take from time to time when things get very stressful and you need to just calm down so you dont drive yourself crazy.

    you’ll be in my thoughts!

    take care!

  13. Jenn, I am so sorry to hear about all of this and wish I had words of wisdom for you, but I do not.

    The only thing I can tell you is that this very thing, what you’ve shared above, mixed with a couple of other issues is the reason I chose to walk out on my marriage. I am the proud mother of two small children that need me. I was the wife to a man who expected me to be his mother and coddle him when things didn’t go his way. Dan has a lot of growing up to do and needs to get his priorities in check. If he wants to be a father, he needs to step up to the plate. If he wants to be a bachelor, he needs to walk out the door and allow you to move on.

    I wish you nothing but the best.. as you are by far one of the strongest women I know. If you ever need anything, you know how to get a hold of me! Keep your chin up high!

  14. I am so sorry honey. Have you both thought of couples counseling? Its not a sign of weakness to reach out to a third party to help you, it takes a great deal of strength. I look up to you because of all the crap you put up with. You’re an amazing and wonderful woman and everything will work itself out.

  15. Okay, on the period thing. It may be that your body is going a bit nuts because it is finally getting used to its new size. The change in size, though it has been a while since you had the surgery, can impact the reproductive organs and the length and heaviness of your period.

    As far as I know, you are almost always going to be put under for an endoscopy. I’ve known of 1 time when someone wasn’t under anesthesia, and it was my father. (He was in the ER for the umpteenth time because he wasn’t taking care of himself and was causing his esophagus to clamp down, and the doctor decided that he needed to learn a lesson.)

    Your white blood cell count being up generally indicates that your immune system is responding to something. It usually means you may have an infection or that you might have inflammation or allergies that your body is fighting off. It can also be stress or from a medicine. Those are the less threatening things associated with increases of WBC. The more worrisome stuff can include autoimmune diseases, a rare blood disorder called polycythemia vera, and leukemia. If the doctor wasn’t worried about it, then it probably means that it wasn’t too high and that it isn’t anything serious. So don’t worry about it.

    Now, for the Dan situation. Your growing up without a father is not something that he should bring up in a fight, unless you’re fighting about something specific that happened between your father and your family. And, even then, the fight should be with your father, not you.

    He also shouldn’t bring the opinions of outsiders into your fights with him. The people he vents about you to should keep in mind that he is venting. When people rant and vent, then they are going to say certain things that make another person sound absolutely hideous. Anyone should be able to understand that hearing a one-sided version of someone’s rant is not enough to base a full opinion on another person’s feelings and character. If Dan comes home with more comments from them, then don’t pay attention to the comments. If he keeps bringing them up when you argue, then ask him if he would appreciate hearing comments people have about him. I’m sure there have been enough comments over the years on your blog alone that you could use as weapons, not that I’m encouraging that, but if you point out that there are always going to be friends who are not fond of someone’s SO, then he might be a little more compassionate.

    As for trying to fix your relationship, other folks have suggested couples therapy. That might be a good idea. It would definitely be something I would recommend for things that have gone on in your life over the past few months alone. And as for you question about if you really need therapy on your own, please don’t be mad, but I would say that you do. Even though you have a blog, which is a great tool for getting out your frustrations, you need to have a place where you can talk freely about everything. You need someone who can help you with other stress-reducing techniques. You also sound like you are a little depressed, which, given everything you’ve mentioned in this post alone, is not surprising. Talking to someone doesn’t mean that you will be placed on anti-depressants, and being a little depressed doesn’t mean you will need anti-depressants. (It also doesn’t mean that you are weak in anyway. It would actually give you more strength.) It would just mean that you need someone to vent to in a private setting.

    You shouldn’t have to feel guilty over expecting him to contribute in some way to daily chores. And he shouldn’t expect you to shoulder all of the chores by yourself or to shoulder them just with Alyssa and Ryan. He should be willing to do things and get rid of the attitude about it. A marriage isn’t about just doing the fun stuff. It’s about sharing a burden in life. He needs to grow up and realize that.

    Sorry about the massively long response and that it is 3 days after the entry was written.

 

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