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Going crazy for Christmas

Last night my mom blew up my phone with text messages, and then Puff (my 18 year old brother) called me. Things, as I’I’ve suspected, haven’t been good. He’s continued with his downward spiral of acting out, and last night he tried to kill himself by taking an entire bottle of Melatonin. Fortunately it would take a lot more than 30mg of Melatonin to kill him, and he told my mother a few minutes after he did it (and as soon as they told me I immediately googled “Melatonin toxicity” and “Melatonin overdose”, which confirmed that since there are cancer patients taking anywhere from 30mg of 50mg per day, a one-time dose of 30mg won’t do serious harm). But, what’s worrisome is the fact that the intent was there. My mom was understandably angry, upset, and at the end of her rope with him, and she said she would call the police, but because I can sort of understand her conflict and upset over the entire situation, as soon as I hung up I called them myself. As it turns out the paramedics were already on their way. I’m glad she made the call – not just because my brother needs serious, intensive psychiatric help and now thanks to his suicide attempt will be getting it, but because she needed to take that step, too.

I don’t know what’s wrong with my brother. The tentative diagnosis of schizophrenia makes sense. His autism is the least of his problems, though it certainly compounds his other issues and can make communication difficult.

At this point there is nothing I can do for him, other than remind him that I love him, and that I will do whatever I can to support him – but at the same time, that I won’t enable him or turn a blind eye to the behaviors he can, but chooses not to, control.

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