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All’s not fair in love and war

As I write this, Dan is sleeping off the side effects of the medications he is taking to manage the symptoms of the concussion my twenty year old brother, Yusef, gave him. Yes, concussion. And once upon a time I used an alias to protect my brother’s identity, but he’s twenty and has now attacked both his brother and brother-in-law (who happens to be my HUSBAND), so this is me saying I don’t give two fucks for using his real name, or potentially identifying him.

So let’s backtrack to Thursday evening: after doing some grocery shopping together, my mom said Alyssa and Ryan could spend the weekend with her, but since she lives in a 2-bedroom apartment and things can get kind of crazy with three autistic boys (Yusef, my 17 year old brother Cat, and Ryan) and a girl under one roof, she asked me to keep Yusef for the weekend. No biggie – he enjoys spending time at our house where it’s quieter and more structured, and we have faster internet and lots of yummy snacks. No big deal. Whatevs.

Yesterday morning Yusef and I went grocery shopping, and then he accompanied Dan and I first to my ortho appointment, and then to our mom’s apartment, with the plan being we’d be dropping off a few things for the sprogs, and Yusef could pick up his laptop, toiletries, and some extra clothing.

Except Yusef decided he didn’t want to go. And because he is twenty goddamned years old yet acts like a twelve year old, is bipolar and probably a paranoid schizophrenic who on a regular basis will cycle through taking his medications and then abruptly not take his medications, he flipped his shit and physically attacked Dan in response to Dan picking up Yusef’s laptop and saying, “fine, we’ll just take this with us and you can come if you want it”.

The assault — because that’s what it was — took place in my mom’s living room. Dan is 235 pounds and 5’11, so he’s not exactly going to blow away with the wind, but Yusef is 220 pounds and about 6′, and he also has youth (20 versus Dan’s 33) and good health (no Fibromyalgia, unhealed shoulder injury) on his side. My mom and I were initially so shocked we were just frozen in place, but Dan and Yusef were grappling in close proximity to the kids – Ryan was sitting in a recliner just screaming hysterically, and Alyssa was unfortunately on the twin-sized bed right next to the two of them. While my mom and I were screaming at Yusef to stop, she grabbed Alyssa and I grabbed Ryan, and we hustled them into Cat’s bedroom.

I don’t know how long the assault went on for… I do know that Dan spent most of the fight just trying to restrain Yusef and keep Yusef from attacking (punching, scratching, biting) him, and Yusef did whatever he could to punch Dan in the face and head as many times as he could. Dan got a few punches in himself, which we don’t blame him for since Yusef attacked and continued attacking him and you can only take blows to the head for so long before you retaliate. At one point Yusef backed off and Dan moved away, and Yusef took that opportunity to pick up a heavy wooden desk chair and attempt to throw it at Dan – meanwhile my mom and I were screaming at Yusef to stop and for Dan to look out. Yusef did, however, succeed in throwing a heavy wooden end table at Dan. He also sucker-punched him directly in the face while Dan was catching his breath. Yusef later bragged about fighting dirty.

At that point I grabbed the kids and herded them out of the apartment, and both Cat and my mom called the police. The police arrived moments later, followed by paramedics, and Dan was taken to the hospital by ambulance to be evaluated for (and diagnosed and treated) a head injury; and Yusef was taken by police and paramedics to the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. While Dan was being treated in the ER, I called Yusef’s parole officer and left a message letting him know what had transpired. I look forward to hearing about his arrest.

Dan has a concussion, a bruised eye socket, and a lot of scratches and gouges all over his face. Alyssa and Ryan were scared out of their minds but physically unhurt. My mom, Cat, and I are shaken up. I don’t know how much longer my mom can handle letting him live with her. That’s her decision to make, but Yusef is no longer welcome in our home or otherwise around us. There’s no question in choosing the safety, comfort, and well-being of my husband (and children) over a selfish prick who sabotages his own life and acts out against the very same people who take care of him. There is no place in our lives for someone who thinks nothing of physically assaulting others.

Yusef, if you’re reading this (and I’m sure you are because it’s not like you do anything other with your life than sit on the internet all day and night): FUCK YOU.

Filed under General


4 replies to “All’s not fair in love and war” - Go to comment form

  1. Oh wow! I really don’t know how you handle all the crap that gets throw onto you. So very sorry that the kids had to witness that and that Dan had to go through it. I hope you makes a speedy recovery.
    Manda recently blogged about: Myrtle Beach Vacation Pictures

  2. Oh my goodness! This is super crazy. I’m so glad that Dan, the kids, you, and everyone is okay. It’s better off that he stays away from your family and in custody instead. That was definitely a situation that could have been avoided.


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