I love you, Daniel. I’m going to do everything in my power to take away your gray skies.

Thank you for subscribing to Jenn.nu's RSS feed! ♥ Jenn | Flickr: kiss-my-kitty | Twitter: @kissmykitty

Seven years ago:

Now:

I love you Daniel.

Thank you for subscribing to Jenn.nu's RSS feed! ♥ Jenn | Flickr: kiss-my-kitty | Twitter: @kissmykitty

Then:

Now:

It’s hard to believe that the man I share my bed, home and children with was once a near-stranger to me. But for the record? Touching him is still just as exciting as it was in the early days of our relationship, and if anything the sex has gotten better.

I love you Daniel! Happy non-wedding anniversary! ♥

Thank you for subscribing to Jenn.nu's RSS feed! ♥ Jenn | Flickr: kiss-my-kitty | Twitter: @kissmykitty

Early yesterday morning I woke up to go to the bathroom¹, and I immediately recalled what I had been dreaming about: Dan having an affair. The dream was so realistic, the emotions I felt in the dream so real, so raw, that when I first woke up I thought it wasn’t a dream but reality. But fortunately, it was just a dream.

The worst part about the dream wasn’t the content, so to speak, but how real it felt. In my dream, Dan didn’t just have a one-night stand, but an ongoing affair with a woman named Kelly. Only bits and pieces of the dream have come back to me; I can recall finding a photo of Dan and this Kelly together; me confronting Dan and feeling such anguish and fury; me asking him what I had done or not done to cause him to have an affair; me trying to go about my day in a normal manner while all of this weighed on my mind. In my dream, Dan acknowledged everything, but never provided a reason as to why he was cheating on me. The feelings I felt in my dream were so real. I remember feeling stricken and sickened at the thought of Dan, my lover, my husband, my everything, touching another woman, being affectionate towards her, loving her. It was awful.

I’d like to say I don’t know why I dreamed such a thing, but I have my suspicions. First, someone in our family is the other woman in this kind of relationship triangle (there are more details, but in respect for her privacy I won’t say anything more), and it’s an issue that has reared its ugly head and been an ongoing thing for a few weeks now. And second, I think my subconscious was giving me a swift kick in the ass and telling me to be SO thankful and SO appreciative of having such a wonderful, loving, loyal and faithful man who is not just my husband, but my best friend and soulmate; by showing me what could be.

At the end of the day, the occasional petty squabble Dan and I have, the shared stresses and obligations and responsibilities and pressure that sometimes cause us to lash out at each other, are really insignificant compared to the problems we could have. We have been a couple for nearly eleven years, and married for the last six and three quarters of those years, and I cherish each and every one of those years, months, days, hours, that we’ve shared together. I am so happy, so lucky, and so blessed, and I’m going to try my best to remember that, and not take him — or us — for granted.

Thank you for subscribing to Jenn.nu's RSS feed! ♥ Jenn | Flickr: kiss-my-kitty | Twitter: @kissmykitty

This man… he is amazing. There’s no other word adequate enough to describe how awesome, good and fantastic my husband is. Dan has been nothing but supportive and helpful throughout this whole ordeal. First in mid-April, coming over to move things out of my mother’s house. Giving up five days of his life to make sure every last thing was done. And from then on out, patiently (mostly) dealing with everything and everyone, the stress and discomfort and inconvenience associated with cramming three additional people into an already comfortable (and perhaps slightly snug) four person household. Pitching in with dinner. Chores. Errands. Letting me sleep in on a few occasions. And when I couldn’t deal with the annoyance and interruptions of my mother and brothers, taking off of work for a week just to give me some balance and some of my sanity back.

And now this past week. Keeping his mouth shut instead of ripping my mother a new one (like she deserved), just to keep the peace for my sake. But going to bat for me and defending me, too. Listening to me vent. Letting me cry in his arms. Doing little things to cheer me up, make everyday life with my lazy, nasty and verbally abusive mother a little easier to bear. Then, last Sunday, when I said enough was enough, coming home from work two hours early at my request, just so I could have his emotional backup and support when I threw my mother out politely asked her to leave.

And yesterday. He went to the YMCA with me early so we could get a good workout in before the stress and uncertainty heightened in the evening, when we had a meeting with a CPS caseworker to discuss what’s going on with my mom and brothers. He went into work two and a half hours late, just so he would be here for the meeting. And he endured numerous text messages and phone calls from me during the whole debacle of the CPS caseworker confronting my mother and taking my fifteen year old brother from her.

And this morning. He got up after less than five hours of sleep to drive my brother to the bus stop and stay there with him, to prevent an altercation between him and my mother (since the boys were living with us, their special ed school bus has been coming to the end of our street to pick them up in the mornings). And then he popped right back up at 9:30am, when I woke him up so we could get to Alyssa’s kindergarten graduation.

And all around — yesterday, today, tomorrow. He’s willing and agreeable to one or possibly both of my brothers living with us. Brothers that are mine, not his. Brothers that he has no obligation to, that he could readily tell me were not my responsibility to take on, especially since we have so much going on in our lives as it is.

Through all of this, Daniel has been my confidant. My best friend. My rock. And, at the risk of sounding totally lame, my freaking hero. I seriously run to him with all of my problems and woes and worries and fears and frustrations, and he takes care of everything he can, most importantly me.

Daniel, I love you. ♥

Thank you for subscribing to Jenn.nu's RSS feed! ♥ Jenn | Flickr: kiss-my-kitty | Twitter: @kissmykitty