I was talking on the phone with Daniel (fiance) tonight, and, like our conversations tend to do lately, we started talking about Alyssa and me going into labor/delivery. Anyway, I’m not sure how it came about, but Daniel remarked that he really didn’t want my mother there when I’m in labor/delivering Alyssa. He wants it to be just him and I and her (on her way out), our own family.
Now, I know that sounds sweet, and believe me, it is, but he also knows that my mother has had the general assumption that she’d be there for the labor/delivery. I let that assumption go, because it was [i]my[/i] general assumption as well, since that’s how it is with my family (my grandmother was there with my dad when I was born, she was with my mother’s second husband when Yusef was born, etc.), and I never thought otherwise, and up until this point Daniel never said anything.
But it’s not easy, because I know my mother, and I know that she’ll be [b]very[/b] upset if I tell her that she can’t be there for the labor/delivery, even though she’s more than welcome to come and visit the three of us immediately afterwards. My mother will lay all sorts of guilt trips on me about how she’s done so much for me, this is the thanks she gets, all she wants is to see her granddaughter born, etc.
What’s also not easy is the fact that my mother and Daniel don’t like each other very much, and each knows how the other feels.
My mother’s main “beef” with Daniel is that he’s too immature (in the past he has been, at times he still is, but then, so am I, so who am I to point fingers? And he’s mature when and where where it [b][i]really[/i][/b] counts – such as working, paying the bills, etc.)
Daniel feels that my mother is too impulsive (it’s rubbed off on me, which is why it irks him so much) and that she’s too intrusive. And in a way, I agree with the last part – but I know she’s like that because she’s lonely, not because she [b]wants[/b] to be intrusive and be a pain in the ass.
What would you do in this situation? It’s one of the following:
1) disregard Daniel’s feelings and have both him and my mother there – this results in Daniel not being happy, being grumpy and withdrawn, and possibly walking out if he gets annoyed with my mother (can you believe he actually threatened to do this?!)
2) tell my mother that Daniel and I would like it to just be “us” and that she can visit – this results in her being angry at me, laying guilt trips, etc.
I guess what also makes it hard is that I’m 45% in agree with Daniel (it would be nice to [b]just[/b] be the two of us. My mother has a habit of being a bit of a railroader and “assertive” with comments/opinions that aren’t always wanted/needed at a particular time/place/situation), and 55% towards wanting my mother there… that’s what she’s been expecting, and for me it’d be a bit reassuring to have someone there who’s been through labor/delivery three times.
Argh. I’m just so upset over this, because no matter what I do there are going to be hurt feelings and backlash coming at [b][u]ME[/u][/b]. In a way I feel like saying fuck both of them and having Alyssa by myself with no one in the room but the doctors and nurses. At least that way, while they’ll both be mad at me, neither can say I played favorites and “chose” one over the other.
Blah. *cry* Nothing like being 35 weeks pregnant (only five to go!) and practically in hysterics and why…? Because my fiance doesn’t like my mother and is basically making me choose between him and her and threatening to not be there for the birth of his daugther if I don’t choose in his favor?!
The pathetic part in all this? I know I’m upset and yet I still give in to the urge for a compulsive eating splurge. Yay for waffles and macaroni and cheese. *sigh*
Would someone kindly explain to me what the fuck a “Maddox petition” is? I don’t appreciate getting rude comments and spam (whose owner’s IPs I then block) about something that I have no fucking clue about.
Thanks.
Update: Obviously, somebody thought it would be funny to spam a petition site with my URL. Please, if you’re coming from that site, realize that it wasn’t me. For the past few hours I wasn’t even on my computer (I was at my family’s house). Leaving little messages telling me I should have an abortion and die aren’t very nice. Aren’t you people coming from a petition that’s against a violent website? Aren’t you being a bit hypocritical?
And as far as my life and my baby go: don’t concern yourself. My fiance and I are getting married by the end of September, and we and our baby will be just fine. Thank you.
My to-buy list for :stork-girl: Alyssa:
- :pacifier: diaper bag
- :pacifier: grooming set – brush, comb, nail clippers, baby sized q-tips, etc. (I like this one)
- :pacifier: bath tub (I like this one)
- :pacifier: two more small bottles (4 oz.)
- :pacifier: three large bottles (8 oz.)
- :pacifier: roll of liners for small bottles (4 o.z)
- :pacifier: roll of liners for large bottles (8 oz.)
- :pacifier: cloth diapers (for burping)
- :pacifier: a three pack of white onesies
- :pacifier: a pack of white undershirts
- :pacifier: Stick-ups for her bedroom (I like these)
- :pacifier: three playpen/bassinet sheets – amazingly, the pack ‘n play playpen didn’t come with any! :irked:
- :pacifier: a tub of balmex
- :pacifier: a box of Pamper’s sensitive skin wipes refills
- :pacifier: three sun shades – one for Daniel’s car, one for my car and one for my mother’s mini-van
- :pacifier: a Boppy pillow (I like this one)
I also desperately want a changing table. Norma (an employee at BK) asked me last week if I needed one, because her daughter-in-law has one that she doesn’t need, and of course I said yes, but I haven’t heard back from her since. :worried: In the meantime I’ve been calling around to consignment shops, but so far no one has one! 
Ack! So many things to get, so little time (five weeks or less!) and money (we just paid all the bills; next paychecks go for rent, the rest of the cable/internet bill, student loans (Daniel got his first bill from AES. Eek.), and of course, food. :ack:
Thanks: Damita Lexa Samantha stezzy scott AeroGem Tonaka Caitlin Joelle billy amy Kathie Kate Gaynor Karen Ally Amber Chrissy Shan Shan Vanessa jessi
To all of my reseller accounts:
I am aware of an issue involving MySQL and your sites. This weird quirk seems to be specifically affecting those who use b2 and/or wordpress. We (Netrillium) are trying to figure out what’s going on. I’m sorry about the downtime, and I’ll let you guys know once we have a solution!
Daniel and I felt so rich :cha-ching: this afternoon, but now we feel so poor. We took our paychecks and deposited mine and part of his, then went shopping. I never thought I’d feel excited over having a vacuum, but I was! :bounce: Do you have any idea what our carpets looked like after three weeks of persian cats roaming around on them? :blah: Yay for clean rugs! After we bought the vacuum, we went down to the county courthouse to apply for our… dun dun dun… marriage license!!!
We can pick it up on Monday. Once we have it I’m going to call around and find a justice of peace who will marry us, and then we’ll set a date for two weeks from now (enough notice to give to our respective BKs, so that we both have off), pick out wedding bands and let our families know the date we plan on tying the knot. :couple: After being engaged for three years I can’t tell you how happy I am to be finally getting married! :hearts:
We left the courthouse and went to the ghetto Wal-Mart (we were going to go to the slightly-less-ghetto Wal-Mart, but opted for the other because of a bank being right inside the store) to pick up a baby stroller (this one), some baby things (wipes, shampoo, balmex, a bottle and two pacifiers), a toaster, an 8 qt. pot and toothpaste and razors. We then went home with a car full of stuff and $420 less. :whimper: Sad but true.
Daniel worked from 3-close. While he was at work I cleaned up, vacuumed (yay!), set up the playpen (why not? I’ve been fighting the nesting urges for too long as it is. :heartbeat:) and paid bills online/on the phone: Comcast and T-Mobile. Hah! :haha: I feel like such a twit. I noticed a pay-per-view charge on the Comcast bill (the one I was viewing online, not the one I had that was mailed out) and called up bitching, because it showed the date as 9/10, and we were out all day. Anyway, I was gently informed that it was from August 14th and the title of the pay-per-view “feature” was “Fem Divas”. :eyeroll: I apologized, made the payment, then called up Daniel and told him that I don’t mind if he orders movies (the only thing I’m really going to say on the pornography is that anymore it isn’t much of an issue for me. Maybe more on that tomorrow, since I need to get some sleep :zzz:), but to please let me know so that I don’t sound like a nit-wit to whatever Comcast representative who has the misfortune of dealing with me. :haha:
Anyway, now that we’ve finished dinner (pork chops and mashed potatoes), we’re going to bed. :zzz: Goodnight!
Thanks: Joelle Rhiann Erika Danyel Maggie Janet AeroGem chelsea Chelsea Jeni Jesse Jessica Iris
