Surprise! :biggrin: I haven’t dropped off of the face of the earth. It’s just that between lack of sleep, movies, TV, my brothers, Daniel, church, working, etc., and then having my computer over at Daniel’s house for three days, well, I just haven’t been too interested (or able) to get online! :haha:
I’m really tired… I was going to write a big entry, but… nah! Goodnight! :wave:
Thanks: Nikk kenny Marta Sarah Kasie Chrissy Moka MonLexa Jenny Anna Ali kellie Danni Christine cori Cody stephanie stephanie Lising Rhiann Jen
It’s after 3am and my mother is in a baking frenzy. :cookie: She’s making three different types of cookies plus fudge. :shock: Better her than me. I couldn’t stand doing nothing but baking for about five hours straight. :ha:
The presents are all wrapped and the tree looks pretty. The stockings :stocking: are nice and stuffed. Everything looks picture perfect. :filmstrip: Too bad it won’t stay that way for long. :haha: My brothers will be up between 8am and 9am. They each have 12 gifts, :present: plus another one they’re going to share.
I went over to Daniel’s earlier this evening. I think it was a mistake. Obviously, I was still very angry (though mostly hurt) about him deliberately avoiding me (or as he puts it, not going out of his way to communicate with me), so I wasn’t in the best of moods. :sorry: We argued, and I got even more upset and said some snippy things. Anyway, I wound up storming out, leaving behind my engagement ring on his mother’s washer. At that point I was just so fed up with everything. Still am actually. Just the fighting, the arguing, the stress… we can’t ever seem to start over with a clean slate. I thought that’s what part of us moving home would be all about, you know? :whimper:
So anyway… I guess I’ll go try and get some sleep soon. Actually, I can’t really go to sleep until my grandparents leave. I’m going to sleep on the couch so I’ll hear the boys when they get up in the morning.
Thanks for the comments! sweetvlady Anneli Michelle Maggie Whitney Sarah Soni – Hazel051 brillie cori guess Erin tabii Brooke Wendy sora Kelly Nikk jen bry Kasie AeroGem karen
Merry Christmas! :christmastree:
I am not a happy person right now. :rage: But… that’s okay. As soon as I write this out, I’ll be busy doing other things, so it’ll be an out-of-sight-out-of-mind kind of thing.
The quick conversation with Daniel was a real eye opener for me. In short, I am not worth the effort it takes to contact me. Never on AIM, e-mails are never responded to, phone call only returned because he knows that I would have kept calling. Well. Merry fucking Christmas to him too. So, I cried for a little while, cleaned my face off, and then decided to vent my frustrations and then put it out of my mind. I’d be a fucking idiot to sit and mope when I have a loving family right here who would never do that to me:
That was taken Sunday at church. I am really going to enjoy going to church. :angel: They’re a nice group of people – a really close knit community. A lot of people always greet me and hug me and talk to me and ask me how I’m doing, etc. It’s nice. :cloudnine: Marlin, the pastor, hired me to do computer/web work for the church. I’m getting paid $8 an hour. :chaching: I worked five hours yesterday, and I’m going in again on Friday and then again Monday. From then on, it’ll probably be on an as-needed basis, but hey, even if it’s only five-ten hours a week, that’s still easily made money for doing something I enjoy.
My mother and I had a difficult conversation the other night that did nothing for me except upset me. She mentioned writing a letter to a friend of hers, Gwen. Gwen and her husband would go out with my mother, Essam and I (and Yusef – he was an infant then) to dinner every week. We’d go to places like Perkins, Olive Garden, Chi-Chis and Old Country Buffet. They would come over to our house for a few hours to have dinner and sit around talking and watching movies, and we’d do the same over there. This was a pretty routine thing from the time I was nine until we moved to [private] (when I was 13).
I hit puberty around 10-11 – I started getting breasts. It was about that time that Charlie began molesting me. He would corner me in my bedroom or bathroom, or in the guest bedroom at their house or outside of their bathroom, in their basement, our basement, parking lots, outside the restaurant – basically anywhere he could get me alone for a few minutes. He touched my breasts, squeezed my nipples, shoved his hand between my legs to touch me there, and ground himself against my butt and sometimes my front, if I happened to be facing him. This happened just about every time everyone got together. I told my mom several times. She didn’t believe me. She finally did believe me when I came running to the car one night at Olive Garden. I was almost hysterical.
My mother never told Gwen, even though I begged her to. She told my grandparents, and while they said she should, she decided not to – she figured she would just keep me away from Charlie (reducing the outings, keeping me in her sights, etc.), therefore killing two birds with one stone – protecting me and protecting her friend.
I hate her for it. I told her that the other night. I don’t forgive her for choosing her friend over her own daughter, because that is essentially what she did. What would she have done if Charlie went farther and raped me? His groping and molesting progressed from slight “brushing up” against my breasts to full-blown molesting and touching and grinding. Who knows how much farther he would have taken it. And also, what would have happened if he raped some other girl after what he did to me? Shouldn’t Gwen have known what kind of creep she was crawling into bed to with every night? I don’t know about her, but I wouldn’t take too kindly to my husband molesting little girls. :sigh: So yes… that conversation didn’t go well. I basically told her I hoped Charlie was dead (she brought up Gwen and Charlie because of her writing a letter to Gwen asking about Charlie – last year he was having severe kidney problems). I’m sorry, but I really, really mean that. If that’s a sin and a strike against me from God, then so be it.
Anyway… on to nicer things. In a few seconds it’ll be Christmas Eve :christmastree: officially.
Christmas will be nice. Tomorrow I’m using my $40 check to get a few things for my brothers. My mother wasn’t able to afford anything, but with the three things I already have, the three-four things I’m going to buy, the four items my grandparents have, and the 6-8 gifts from the church and related associations, my brothers should be happy. :hug:
Thanks: Anneli Moka Joe Amanda Lising h Cloe Kasie Gemma cori Michelle
I am really :yawn: tired, but I’m going through withdrawl, so :pen: write I shall.
FRIDAY MORNING
- 3:30am – went to bed
- 7:00am – alarms went off
- 8:30am – dropped Daniel off at the U-Haul center
- 9:10am – arrived (by myself) at Wal-Mart. Went straight to automotive department to get the oil changed/fluids checked/etc. in the :car: Kia
- 10:00am – left Wal-Mart
- 10:20am – arrived at house, left note & few items for Chris/Dave/Toby
- 10:35am – took pictures of Long John Silvers for Daniel
- 11:00am – arrived at Petco. Bought cat carrier
- 11:15am – finished filling gas tank. Went back to Petco for free 5 lb. bag of Purina One cat food
- 12:00pm – arrived at the apartment. Daniel had loaded everything (queen sized mattress & box spring, dresser, large hutch style desk, nightstand, entertainment center, kitchen table, four chairs, microwave cart, small cedar chest, 15 boxes) but my desk, the two desk chairs and several boxes and electronics into the U-Haul
- 1:25pm – finished loading up the U-Haul and car. Everything just fit
- 1:10pm – headed to computer lab to let our families know we’d be on our way
- 2:30pm – left gas station and headed for the PA turnpike
The drive was long, boring and mostly uneventful. It was a bit crowded, and we were held up for about ten minutes because of an accident, but other than that, just blah driving. Daniel drove the U-Haul and I drove the car. Toby and Mulder were in the backseat, their carriers side by side, and BooBear and Max were up front, their carriers double stacked. :cat2: All but Mulder slept the entire time. He meowed and moaned. :irked:
When we got off the turnpike we switched vehicles. :car: What an experience! :wow: It was awesome being up that high, but a bit freaky. Because there’s no rearview mirror (the truck part comes up above the front part, cab-style) I had to rely on the weirdly positioned mirrors for lane switching. I couldn’t stop as fast because of the weight, and the truck was obviously wider than the car, and I was afraid of sideswiping cars/trucks when I passed them. We switched again at the gas station, and I headed home to my family and he to his. I got here around 8:00pm. :whew: Boy was I tired – running all day on about three and a half hours of sleep isn’t very fun. Oh well – I still didn’t go to bed until nearly 5:00am Saturday morning. Talk about wanting to do myself in! :rotfl:
Saturday was non-eventful. Went over to Daniel’s to give him the electronics (I had those in the car along with the cats) and to get my things, as well as to follow him to the U-Haul center here so I could bring him back. My family and I all went out to K-Mart and Wal-Mart, and now everyone but me is asleep. We’re going to church at 9:30am, meaning I need to be up in exactly three and a half hours (again… :sarcastic:), so I suppose I should go to sleep. :nod: So yes… that’s what’s up!
:cats: The fur babies are fine for the most part. BooBear has a slight limp still. :whimper: All four are hissing and spitting at Suzie, who doesn’t really do much to them (though she does occassionally jump on Max :rage:). Also, Toby hates BlueBoy (my grandmother’s cat, who my mother has had here since August of 2002), and BlueBoy hates him. Before I moved out the two of them would go around and around – stalking one another, walking by each other to instigate trouble, hissing, spitting, swatting, growling, etc. We had to break them up a few times with a broom. So, not only do I need to keep the damned :pug: dog off of the five cats, but I need to keep BlueBoy and Toby as separated as possible. :shock: I certainly have my hands full.
Ooh, pictures! :bounce:
From left to right: Daniel, Dave, TJ, Chris; me in the middle:
The Christmas tree!
Okay, well, I really need some sleep. Goodnight! :wave:
P.S. New cam pic! Also, remember that stalker dude? :mischievous: He was in the computer lab again on Friday, and Daniel said he came around the parking lot right before I came home. He was also there watching me when Daniel and I pulled out. :eyebrow: Freaky, don’t you think? Bye bye stalker dude! :flirt:
Thanks for comments! Whitney brooke Yvette Amber Kasie Anneli Jane PirateAnna Gemma Danni Meah Chrissy Nikk Valerie Jo sabrina Michelle terri Lauren Hannah abby Kris boo
Hello! I'm Jenn, and this is Jenn.nu, my personal blog. I'm 27 years 
