Jenn.nu » rants

Alyssa, kegel balls, Page Rank, and windows, oh my!

Jenn — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 17:20:25 +0000

Do you remember the first time you walked in on your parents having sex? I do (well, it was my mom and her boyfriend; either I never walked in on my mom and my dad, or the shock was so great my brain refused to add it to my memories). And someday, Alyssa may recall the first time she walked in on Dan and I – only it wasn’t a “walked in” incident, because she was already in the bedroom with us.

..Allow me to explain, heh. It was mid-afternoon, and we thought that all three kids (Alyssa, Ryan, and my brother) were all occupied in their bedrooms doing various cold Saturday afternoon activities. Dan and I went into our bedroom to make our bed together (seriously, that’s what we really went in there to do!), and next thing I know I’m on my back with my pants down, and Dan is, er, lavishing plenty of attention on me. Out of nowhere, Alyssa pops up like a jack-in-the-box next to the other side of the bed and says, “Hi!” The look on Dan’s face was priceless… I don’t think I’ve ever seen him turn as red as he was yesterday! Anyway, we booted her out (but not before she spotted one of my toys and asked what it was¹), and continued where we left off.

Last night I went to bed around 1:30am, after finishing up laundry, making some no-bake cake pops, doing my nails (multi-colored flecks of glitter of various sizes in a creamy pink base, yes, it is as awesome as it sounds!), and finishing up some blogging work. I’m definitely blogging and social mediaing way too much these days – last night I dreamed that I was appraising our homes and the surrounding homes based on their Google PageRank. What the eff?!

Today I’m trying out a new set of kegel balls (before you scoff, allow me to assure you that they are quite awesome, and not only assisting with toning/pelvic floor strengthening, but their weightedness can definitely increase sexual desire, which is always a nice thing when you’re running around blazing through everyday life like a chicken with its head cut off and trying very hard not to spazz out over stressful stuff!). These are pretty high-end ones that provide feedback via vibrations of various strengths/types based on the type of muscle “reflexes” it “detects”. Did you know that you use your vaginal muscles to blow your nose? No? Me neither. But I found that out this morning. ;)

Right now I’m at a local bounce place, watching Ryan bounce himself silly while we kill time waiting for a birthday party Alyssa is attending (at a local laser tag/game place) to wrap up. I don’t mind sitting here, because not only is Ryan enjoying himself and I’m getting some mostly uninterrupted blog/work time in, it’s warm! Warm is good, especially since my car’s driver-side window decided to fall all the way down into the door this morning. I am assuming the cable or motor is messed up, because it won’t come back up. And of course this happens in the dead of winter, when I’m 8 miles away from home, have 15 more miles to go, and then have to drive those 23 miles back. At mostly highway speeds. As soon as I get home I’m going to hit up the magic skills of Dan and Auto Mechanic Google to hopefully fix it, even if by “fixing” we’re really just putting it back up and holding it in place with wads of cardboard (stuffed between the window and the frame) and duct tape.

So, that’s my Sunday so far. How is yours?

I told her it was mine, and when she asked me again what it was, I told her I’d tell her in ten years, ha! ↩

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Onward and upward.

Jenn — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 17:59:30 +0000

My brother told me he hates me, and doesn’t want to live here anymore (the ball has been set in motion as of this morning). My mother thinks I’m a lazy, stupid fat fuck who has a husband only because when I was a lazier, stupider, fatter fuck I found a loser who couldn’t “do any better”; wishes that my husband would drop dead of a stroke (overheard phone conversation); and thinks Ryan is a stupid, spoiled brat (what is it with my mother and her verbal attacks against her five year old, autistic grandson? I just don’t understand it.). My husband is seeing a doctor and is on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication. For that matter, I have a cat who is on anti-anxiety medication, and a dog who could probably benefit from some. Ryan has exhibited some behavioral issues that he is no doubt picked up from my brother, and he will no doubt have a delayed-reaction type of fallout from all of this a few weeks from now (thanks, autism) – I’m going to give his teachers and therapists a head’s up today. (Alyssa, thus far, has been abso-fucking-lutely-amazing in all of this. God I love that little girl, and appreciate her so much more for remaining calm, cool and collected when everyone and everything around her is falling apart.)

On the physical front, I am having yet another abdominal surgery in five days to hopefully fix the ongoing excruciating attacks of abdominal pain that have been plaguing me for over a year (hence the prescription for pain medication). I had two periods that were two weeks apart, another period that ended five days ago, and I am now spotting and cramping again. Each period is heavy, clotty, and super-painful (hence the prescription for low-dose muscle relaxants). I’ve had to reschedule my gynecologist appointment twice, and hopefully will be able to get in prior to my rescheduled surgery, which has been moved to the 31st – the same day as my gynecologist appointment. My right foot’s fifth metatarsal stress fracture is looking or feeling no better, despite me wearing a walking cast since the end of September. Contacting an orthopedic specialist is on the to-do list – with everything else going on, I just haven’t gotten around to it yet. I’m having sleep issues (surprise, surprise), and once I wake up, whether it’s after 7 hours of sleep or just 3.5, I can rarely fall back asleep.

Oh, and Ryan and I went to the doctor on Monday, and were both diagnosed with bronchitis (he also has an ear infection, again – I guess he never fully kicked the one he had right before Christmas). So now it’s crunch time, where despite all of this ongoing stress and drama I have to get over this ASAP, so I don’t have to reschedule next week’s surgery. Bring on the antibiotics, vitamin C, clear fluids, and rest!

Yet with all of this I still chug along: work, housework, family time, husband time, kid time, a little bit of me time when there’s enough time left over.

But with the exception of miniature, short-lived meltdowns, I never lose my focus of remaining positive, focusing on the positive, and moving forward. But some days – like today, where I am exceptionally weepy and curse-y (just ask Dan) – it’s hard. Damn hard.

Thank you for subscribing to Jenn.nu's RSS feed! ♥ Jenn | Flickr: kiss-my-kitty | Twitter: @kissmykitty

The end of my rope is coming up soon

Jenn — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 05:03:05 +0000

Things are not going well with my brother. I haven’t gone into a lot of detail because “technically” I’m not supposed to go into a lot of detail regarding my “foster child”, but with the way things have been going since early October it’s all really a moot point anyway. As I told my brother today, when he came home from school, stomping in the house, immediately getting ready to yell and rant and rave… I can’t do it anymore. The constant disrespect, non-compliance, refusal to accept responsibility, reluctance to do anything, the expectation of reaping all of the “benefits” of being a part of our family without doing any of the “work” involved (ie respect, compliance, doing what he’s asked, not yelling and cursing and screaming and arguing and fighting like he does on a near daily basis), the idea that he’s our equal and can thus yell back, curse at me, call Jason and I idiots to our faces, curse about Dan behind his back, then give us grief and bullshit ON TOP OF grief and bullshit when he’s called out for his actions and dealt consequences/punishments.

I just can’t do it. Kirin has gone completely spastic and most of the time outright refuses to use the litter box in the kids’ bathroom, presumably because the boys’ (Ryan & Puff’s) is right next door. Leah has had a few accidents lately – many right on Puff’s bed. WTF?

Alyssa has been complaining about my brother, and today she told me that she doesn’t like him living with us, that she liked it better before, when we would just visit him and he’d occasionally spend the night with us.

Ryan hasn’t said anything outright (no surprise there, THANKS AUTISM), but he’s had a few behavioral issues at school, and outright refuses to stay at home with my brother if I want to run a quick errand somewhere without dragging any sproglets with me.

And Dan and I… well, we’re not fighting or arguing, but we are mutually stressing over the situation.

Sigh. I don’t want to send my brother back to foster care or another state arrangement (boarding school), but my family, my children, come first, you know?

Thank you for subscribing to Jenn.nu's RSS feed! ♥ Jenn | Flickr: kiss-my-kitty | Twitter: @kissmykitty

They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Jenn — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 19:39:07 +0000

It’s been a while since a major or even semi-minor component of my layout (which may or may not be the most original idea in the book, but dammit it was MY idea in terms of the types of icons, colors, placements, and hover effect) has been outright stolen and re-used without a request or even a freaking tip of a hat towards me (aka giving credit where credit is due – in your sidebar, in your footer, on your “about” page, etc.), but lo and behold, looky at what I discovered last night:

Mine:

Hers: (cropped/blurred to half-heartedly protect the ~~innocent~~ guilty)

FYI, making the exact same icons a little smaller, and changing up the CSS so that they’re positioned relatively instead of absolutely doesn’t absolve you of being a twat muffin. Stay the hell out of my source code and CSS!

Thank you for subscribing to Jenn.nu's RSS feed! ♥ Jenn | Flickr: kiss-my-kitty | Twitter: @kissmykitty

Clearly, I am allergic to surgical tape

Jenn — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 04:17:34 +0000

I’m not allergic to many things. I have an anaphylactic reaction to Penicillin, and if I take morphine without a strong anti-nausea & anti-vomiting medication I will heave like there’s no tomorrow, but other than those two I mostly have it made in the shade. Note that I say mostly. Last year I discovered that I have an allergy to the surgical tape that was used after I had my gallbladder removed. Fortunately the reaction was mostly limited to around and in my belly button, though it took a couple of miserable weeks to get the mess cleared up.

Last Wednesday morning I had surgery, as I’m sure the majority of you know from my whining here and on Twitter. While I remembered to tell the surgical team about my allergy to Penicillin and my reaction to morphine¹, I forgot all about the damn surgical tape. I didn’t remember until Friday morning, when it suddenly dawned on me that in addition to my incisions giving me plenty of pain signals, they were also giving me itchy and burny signals. Ruh-roh, Reorge!

Unfortunately taking the incision tape off that morning (all 84 strips on just four small incisions, grr; plus a surprise strip over my belly button wtf?!) and carefully washing and drying the incision areas wasn’t enough. Behold, my misery (my stomach is normally not that bulgy/swollen, FYI. That’s just horrible, somewhat unexpected post-op swelling!):

It itches and burns, but mostly MOTHERFUCKING ITCHES OH DEAR GOD, non-stop. I alternate between Calamine lotion and hydro-cortisone cream, which provide relief but not more than a moderate amount and not for more than a few short hours. If you have any itch relief suggestions, please for the love of all that’s holy, share them with me.

big mistake on my part: morphine + anti-nausea = good. morphine “alternative” for patients who are sensitive to morphine = very, very bad. Trust me when I say this: you do not want to wake up from abdominal surgery with dry heaves ↩

Thank you for subscribing to Jenn.nu's RSS feed! ♥ Jenn | Flickr: kiss-my-kitty | Twitter: @kissmykitty